Change
by Maddylovesyou
Summary: Gon has always been open to new experiences. He's always adapting to change, it doesn't mean he likes the changes that have been made. Because he doesn't. Not at all. Gon x Killua
1. Chapter 1

"Haha that was awesome." Gon beams as he walks into his hotel room, a deep chuckle leaving his lips as the eighteen year old closes the door behind him. He's covering his upper arm with this other hand, pressing on the wound that's bleeding but he doesn't care much about that. As Gon takes in the empty hotel room, his lips twitch slightly but his smile doesn't fall as he makes his way over to the bed, flopping down and letting out a sigh.

Today was a long day. He finally found his target in an old abandoned warehouse. His employer hired him as a hunter to send a man named James William to jail. It was the first job Gon has gotten that involves sending someone to the slammer and he thought it would have been boring. But it wasn't. It took him a couple of days to find this guy and when he did find him...damn. He put up a fight. He was a nen user that could crystallize his nen and use the crystals as weapons. Gon was so excited.

It's been four years since he's truly faced a nen user. It was time to test Gon's training and gamble. Gon lost his nen around the same time he lost Killua. He gave up his nen in order to kill Pitou and the consequences of that day still linger. Four years Gon has been training to get his nen back, he's been traveling the world, and completing hunter jobs even with his lack of nen. All his searching and training hasn't done him too much good. He still can barely use his nen. He's able to force some out to surround his fist but he can't do his Jajanken attack anymore. He can barely protect himself with his nen, it tires him out quickly to use it but at least he's gotten some of it back.

With the little nen that Gon had, he was able to defeat James and finish his mission by dodging the crystals and hitting him dead on in the chest with a nen attack that was weaker then his jajanken but was just enough to break this man's crystals and to knock him out. James wasn't that strong but the fight gave him a thrill. He ended up getting wounded when he tried to take what one would call a selfie while fighting James, trying to capture his ability and what he's doing.

Gon has a problem with taking pictures now. Whenever he goes on a mission or if he just sees something cool, he'll take a picture of it and send it to Killua. Everything that he does, he wants to share it with Killua and when he sends the pictures, Gon feels like they're still connected some way. It's like Killua Is still here with him, seeing the same sights as him and experiencing these things with him...

But he's not. Killua isn't here.

Gon's bright face dulls a little at his thoughts but he doesn't linger on it. He takes off his shirt before walking into his bathroom, opening up the cabinet to take out the first aid kit he has in it. Gon opens up the kit, taking out the bandages before looking at himself in the mirror. He's really grown since when he was twelve, at a young age Gon had abs and muscles but now that he's an adult, he's much bigger and toned.

Gon isn't as tall as he would like, only 5'6. The raven haired male is sure Killua is still taller than him, he was taller when they were 12 and Gon can just picture him being a giant now. Gon drank all the milk he could, he swears, but it didn't help. Gon's use to be smooth face has a bit of black stubble on his jaw line and chin, his amber eyes are still bright and childlike but they've gotten wiser. His hair is spiky as always, sticking up on top of his head, looking like it could impale someone.

Gon has grown up in these four years. He's seen things and done things that most would never do in their life time. There's more knowledge with him now and with the knowledge, with growing up, Gon's heart has also become a bit heavier.

Of course Gon doesn't dwell on it much.

Gon's biceps muscles shift as he washes the wound in his arm off on the sink, watching as the blood runs down his arm till the wound runs clear. He pats the cut dry before he gets an idea. Gon grins as he takes out his phone and takes a picture of the wound, before sending it to Killua _"Got that while trying to take a selfie for you."_ Gon chuckles before putting his phone in his pocket, getting to work on wrapping his wound up.

It's like he can hear Killua's voice in his head. _'idiot.' 'hurry up and wrap that wound up, you're so reckless' 'what am I going to do with you?'_

Gon hums to himself as he finishes up wrapping his wound, grinning to himself in the mirror before walking out of the bathroom. He takes out his phone and throws it on the bed. He takes out the money he just made and puts it in his wallet that he leaves in the night stand. No one will steal it. Since it's known that Gon was one of the hunters in the chimera ant attack, he's gotten a lot of respect and jobs. He's also gotten some fear and awe from the people and he doesn't like it too much when someone comes up to him for an autograph. They look at him like a hero. Gon doesn't feel like a hero.

Gon takes off his pants before putting on some comfortable boxers before he lays down in bed, reaching over for the light switch to turn off the lights. Gon grabs his phone, his heart picking up speed when he sees he has a couple of messages. His heart that lifts soon sinks when he sees that the messages are from Leorio and Kite. No Killua. Of course no Killua. Gon sort of saw it coming.

Killua hasn't been returning his messages. When they parted ways, Killua would text him back and they would talk on the phone every once in a while. When Gon turned sixteen, Killua sent him a happy birthday text and then...he never sent him another one. Gon became worried. He thought something had happen to Killua, maybe Illumi caught up with him, maybe he's in trouble or his sister is. He found out By Leorio that Killua is fine when he told him he saw Killua and his sister, they had stopped by to visit him.

Gon was happy that Killua was okay but...what was left was this hurt, this confusion. Why won't Killua message him back? It's been two years now. Gon has been busy but he always finds time to send Killua a message at least once a day. He likes keeping Killua in the loop even if the other male isn't reading his texts. Gon has tried to call Killua but he doesn't answer. Gon keeps sending him pictures to show what he's doing because...if he doesn't do that, it's like Killua really is gone. Like he doesn't have him at all.

Gon's chest clenches and he throws his phone to the side, turning on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow. Gon can't help to feel it's because Killua is angry with him. Ever since Killua stopped texting him, Gon just can't stop thinking about that _day_ and the things he _said_. He wonders if Killua doesn't forgive him. Maybe Killua thought Gon was too much trouble and he didn't want anything to do with him.

Gon grips his pillow. He tries not to let his thoughts linger on that. It doesn't do him any good. Especially not right now when there's nothing to distract him. It's hard during the day time, doing all these wonderful things and then turning as if to talk to Killua, just to realize he's not there anymore. It's not that Gon minds being alone, he just minds Killua not being with him anymore.

He misses him. Terribly. During the day he has work and he can distract himself but at night, when he's laying in his bed all by himself, he can't help to think of how it was like to have Killua laying right next to him, keeping him company through the night. He thinks of how Killua looked asleep, his small body curled into himself, his white locks in his face and his mouth slightly open. His expression peaceful. He only looked like that sleeping with Gon.

Gon starts to turn in the bed, feeling restless with his thoughts. He just really misses Killua. Gon almost thinks it's driving him crazy. He thinks about Killua all the time and it's like he can hear Killua talking to him when he does something, like he knows what he would say. Everything time he sees something cool his first thought is 'wow cool! I bet Killua would like this'. When he sees the clouds and the sky he sees Killua's hair and his eyes. Killua is everywhere to him yet...he's not. He's not with him anymore.

Gon ignores the sting in his chest and how his stomach twists and how he just wants to...talk to Killua. He wants to hear his voice, wants to hear his laughter. Gon wonders how different he looks. Killua didn't send him any pictures even when they were texting. He wonders what he's been doing with Alluka. He wonders if Killua has restless nights like this. He wonders if Killua thinks about him like Gon thinks about him. He wonders how strong Killua has gotten. He wonders if he's taken any hunters jobs.

There's a lot of things Gon wishes he knew.

Gon closes his eyes, knowing it won't do him any good to stay up or his mind will keep running wild. He has to leave this town tomorrow anyway. He's going to meet up with Leorio to see him. That's reminds Gon of another person he hasn't had any contact with, Kurapika. Gon sighs, pulling the blanket up to cover half of his face. After he sees Leorio he's going to go back to Mito to visit. It will make Gon feel better. He misses her too.

Gon better get his rest and as he lays in bed, letting the cool night lead him away, Gon finally lets his weary eyes close and sleep is right behind.

* * *

There's a moaning in the air, a low groan that travels by the wind that hits Gon's ears like a drum. He frowns, following the moaning and sobbing even though he doesn't want to. He's in a forest and there's so many ways he could go but instead he keeps taking this path as if he has no other choice. His steps are already planned out.

Gon tenses when he walks into a clearing, his eyes widen when he sees Killua. The thirteen year old ex- assassin has his back turned to him, his shoulders shaking, sobs escaping his lips. Gon takes a step closer, wanting to comfort his friend, wanting to touch him but when he steps forward he's no longer eighteen, he's thirteen again and Killua is once again taller than him.

"Killua?" Gon questions, moving closer to the other male, reaching out to touch Killua's shoulder-

"Why'd you do it?" Killua turns around slowly, tears running down his face, those blue eyes watching him with red rimmed eyes. "I wanted to die with you. You're always so selfish." Killua looks down, Gon following his eyes. He tenses when he sees a boy laying on the ground, his long black hair in his face, his arm missing, his body so small and frail. Gon swallows, knowing immediately who it is.

"K-Killua I didn't-" Gon starts only for Killua to turn on him, those dark eyes locking with his.

"You left me that day, so why should I stay with you?" Killua's nails get longer and sharper. Those blue eyes become darker and empty. "You're alive but you're dead." Killua points to Gon's dead body that is slowly wilting away. "Dead things should stay dead."

"Killua i'm alive. I made it, I didn't die. I...I want to stay with you Killua. I'm sorry-" Gon starts, his eyes widen when his dead body gets up suddenly, those weak bones breaking as it walks towards him, grabbing a hold of him. That long black hair reveals a face, his face, his flesh peeling off showing the skull. Gon can see all his own teeth through his cheeks, the flesh ripping as his jaw opens wider.

"Dead things should stay dead." He hears this boy gurgle, his mouth opening as large as it can before it leans in to bite his face off, to make Gon look like him, to make Gon become him.

Killua is sobbing again.

* * *

Gon wakes up with a start, hand over his heart as it beats rapidly against his chest, panting. He touches his face, feeling his flesh and not just the bone. Gon looks around his room, taking in the hotel room before sighing in relief. Just another one of those dreams. Those nightmares. Gon runs his hands through his hair, trying to calm his racing heart. He can't get away from those nightmares. He has one almost every night. He can't get away from his own image haunting him and the sobs from Killua, the guilt making him feel sick every time he wakes up.

Gon grabs his phone, wanting to talk to Killua, wanting to hear his voice, wanting to be reassured that Killua doesn't hate him. He always wants to call him after these nightmares. Gon glances at the clock. It's 3 in the morning. He's sure Killua is asleep but...he might not be. If he's asleep, Gon will probably wake him up. Gon picks up his phone and starts to dial Killua's number, something he has memorized. Even if Gon wakes Killua up and he yells at him, it's better than not talking to Killua at all.

Gon holds his breath as he listens to the phone ring, waiting for Killua to pick up, waiting for him to hear his voice and he can't help to wonder how will he sound.

Gon's heart sinks when it goes to voice mail once again. Gon doesn't understand why he always gets his hopes up every time he calls Killua. Gon hangs up the phone before getting out of bed. He's wide awake. He doesn't want to go back to sleep. He doesn't want to go back to that forest or see that broken boy anymore, the one with the long hair who has taken his image but at the same time, has not. The boy is warped and sickly frail. He's disgusting.

Gon throws on a shirt and some pajama pants with leafs on them before he walks out of the hotel room. He stuffs his hands into his pockets as he walks down the stairs and out of his hotel, not caring it's so early in the morning. Gon shivers when the cold air tickles his exposed skin, giving him goosebumps. Gon closes his eyes as he walks down the street, the only light he has is from the moon in the sky, shinning down at him. Gon looks around, it's so dark and despite the cold, it feels kind of nice. He's already starting to feel better.

Gon keeps walking and despite the dream he just had, his mind is pretty blank right now. Gon stops walking when he comes across a fountain. The moon is shinning right on this fountain, making the crystal mermaid sparkle as it shoots out water from a shell she's holding into the water around her.

"Wow." Gon smiles at the pretty sight, immediately taking out his phone and taking a picture. It's become a reflex now. He sends the picture to Killua before he can enjoy the sight himself. Not thinking if Killua will even see it or not. Gon sits at the edge of the fountain, closing his eyes as he listens to the water run. It's a quiet night. No one is out and Gon doesn't mind that. It's one of those rare moments that he feels like being alone.

Gon feels him before he hears him speak. "Hello there." Gon opens his eyes and looks over to his left, spotting a man walking towards him. He looks like he could be about Gon's age, wearing a black coat with his hands in his pockets. Gon is more distracted by this man's hair. His bangs are a bright blue while the back of his hair is black. It looks cool and it makes his ocean blue eyes pop.

"Hi." Gon smiles. He doesn't feel like anything Is bad with this guy but it does set him on edge that he was using zestu to hide his presence. "I really like your hair." Gon grins as he stands up from the fountain.

"Thank you sweetie." The man licks his lips, Gon catching a glimpse of his tongue ring. "The name is Micky." Micky does a mock bow before he grins at Gon, those blue eyes watching him intently. "And you are Gon freecss correct?"

"Yup! That's me!" Gon keeps walking till he's right in front of Micky, his amber eyes bright. There's something exciting about Micky. Maybe it's the fact he's a man his own age and a nen user. "is there a reason you've been following me?" Gon questions, no anger or accusing. He's just curious. Micky approaching him wasn't a chance encounter.

Micky grins widely, pleased with this. "So you knew! That's what I would expect from the man who fought with the ants. You're one of the most widely known hunters in the world you, know that? I've been tracking you for some time. If I was a hunter It would have been easier to find you through the hunter's website but I don't have time for that." Micky waves his hand, Gon noticing that he has two rings in his lips, more piercings.

"Why did you want to find me?" Gon's smile dulls a bit. Again, hearing the ants and how he's famous for it makes his stomach twist. Gon grew up fighting the ants but he doesn't want to be known for it. He has conflicting emotions about it. Maybe he wouldn't mind it if he's not reminded of how he treated Killua during that time.

"To offer you a job and to give you hope." Micky takes his hands out of his pockets, looking at Gon. "I was watching your fight with James." Gon's eyes widen slightly. "You're still having trouble with your nen. A may not be a hunter but i've heard things. I heard how you beat the ants at age 13 by forcing yourself to grow. Doing something like that, Your nen ports are all messed up. I saw how you were struggling. You burned your own hand with your nen."Gon puts his hand in his pocket, his eyebrows furrowing.

"I can use my nen it's just...hard to-"

"You don't have the power you use to."

"No I don't. I don't have the nen control I use to have." Gon nods his head, rubbing his arms when he starts to feel cold. "But i'm slowly gaining control-"

"What if I told you I could help you? That I could get you back to your old self?" Micky walks closer, those blue eyes get half lidded as he looks into those amber eyes that look at him with a growing fascination, a growing hope.

"How?" Gon tilts his head at this man who's smile gets larger.

"Take my job, all I need you to do for me is to arrest a few men. If you accept, I can help you right now. I'll rework your nen network. I'll make it so your life force can move more smoothly. I'm a special nen user with a strange power. But my strange power can help you."

"It could really help me with my nen?" Gon takes a step closer, as he looks into these blue eyes, Gon's heart starts to lift up in this feeling. Hope. Something is defiantly special about this man. "what is your special power?"

"I'm not going to say." Micky purrs as he holds out his hand. "Will you work for me Gon? And do you accept gaining your nen back by completing my job?"

Gon thinks about it for a moment, staring at his hand. Gon doesn't know anything about this guy except that he's been following him for a while and that he has really cool hair. How is Gon sure he could even help him? But there's a feeling in his gut telling him to take this man's hand, to trust him, to take the risk.

"I'll take the job." Gon grabs Micky's hand, gripping it tightly and shaking it, giving him this determined look. "Anything you can do to help me get my nen back is a appreciated. I was going to leave tomorrow..." Sorry Leorio. "But i'll stay in town to take this job."

"My job requires you to travel. We have a few targets that need to be taken care of. Our first one is in Yorknew city."

"Oh!" Gon's eyes light up at the mention of that city he had explored with Killua so long ago. It brings back good memories and some not so good ones. "Okay i'm fine with traveling."

"Good i'm glad to hear it. I will pay you handsomely for your work..." Micky lets go of Gon's hand, his fingers lingering on Gon's palm before he pulls his hand away. "We leave as soon as i'm done with you. I'm going to do my power now. Follow me." Micky turns on his heel and starts to walk towards this building that's covered in paintings. It doesn't look like it's been used in years.

"I have a few things I need to get and I have to pay the hotel room-" Gon starts but he follows after him, curiosity and this growing excitement making him follow when most would be questioning this. He doesn't have a bad feeling in his gut. If he did he would be hesitant but he feels nothing.

"We'll take care of that after." Micky waves his hand as he kicks open the door before walking in. Gon walks behind him, narrowing his eyes as he tries to take in more light to see. It's pitch black in here. Micky takes out a flash light, turning it on and showing how empty this building really is. "Just take a seat on the floor and then we can get started."

"How does your power work?" Gon gets in front of Micky and sits down like he's told, staring up at Micky with those big amber eyes full of curiosity. Micky's blue eyes stick out in the darkness and they seem to gleam.

"It works by spilling some blood." Micky takes out a pocket knife from his jacket. "Don't worry, it's not lot. Just enough. Let me see your arm."

Gon holds out his arm, watching as Micky slices from his palm up to the top of his shoulder. Gon winces as he does the same to his other arm, his blood oozing out and his flesh stinging but it's not the worst Gon has felt. "Take off your shirt and pants." Micky pulls the knife back, staring at his handy work with the flash light pointed at Gon. It sort of hurts his eyes but he's not going to say anything as he takes his shirt off. He stands to take off his pants, staying in just his boxers as he sits back down.

Gon watches closely as Micky gets closer, kneeling in front of him so he can press the knife against his chest. Gon doesn't show his pain as Micky slices his chest, feeling his skin separating to let the blood flow out. Only when Micky suddenly cuts a line from his left nipple to his right, does Gon wince and grind his teeth in pain.

"I know, I know i'm sorry. It's almost over." Micky's voice is soft. There's a trace of guilt that gets Gon to calm down. The knife runs down his stomach before Micky quickly slices the top of his thighs, getting Gon to take a sharp in take of air. He's not cutting deeply. Gon doesn't fear he will bleed out but this is painful. "You're doing wonderful. You're a man who's been through pain." Micky pulls the knife away before he looks at Gon's boxers. "...I'm going to pull these down." Micky locks eyes with Gon. "...There's one more thing I have to cut."

"H-Huh?" Gon's eyes widen and he feels himself start to sweat. The only thing Gon can think about that he's talking about is his manhood and any man would cringe at the thought of getting _that_ cut.

"I know, I know. Just two cuts and then you're done." Micky grabs the end of his boxers, getting Gon to blink at feeling the man's soft hands on his hips. "Can I?"

"And this will get me my nen back?" Gon's eyebrows furrow. Micky nods his head, those blue eyes not looking away from him. There's nothing in Micky's eyes that would make Gon suspect him. Gon doesn't like the idea of what's about to happen but... "Okay."

Micky smiles and it's sort of lopsided. "You're a brave man." He chuckles as he pulls down Gon's boxers, Gon wincing from being exposed to the cold. Gon flushes from this stranger staring down at his intimate parts, those blue eyes don't change as he reaches out and grabs Gon's limp member getting him to tense, and his face to get hotter.

It's strange having someone else touch him there. Especially someone he just met but Gon has to wonder why he feels a bit warm, that tongue ring that's poking out of Micky's lips as he licks his lips in concentration is becoming more interesting.

"You're going to feel some stinging." Micky warns, Gon looks down just in time to feel the blade pressed right under the tip of his penis. Gon closes his eyes when Micky cuts him, biting his lip from the pain. "One more..." Micky sounds apologetic as he grabs a hold of his balls- Gon's eyes snap open.

"Y-You have to cut those too?" Gon frowns, not really sure why he's feeling hotter and the pain is starting to feel not as bad.

"Just real quick." Micky slices the flesh holding his balls, Gon's toes curl and he grips his fists tightly from feeling such a pain. Nothing sharp should be around that area. "There it's over." Micky says smoothly as he grabs Gon's face and cuts two small lines on his jaw. "You're all done."

"O-Okay." Gon's body is cold but his blood is running. "How are these cuts going to help me? And...why did you have to cut my stuff?" Gon flushes when he realizes he's become sort of hard. Why is he reacting to another man cutting him up? It's not sure if that's normal.

Micky touches his cheek and leans closer. "You'll see. You know it's a shame I have to change you. You're a gorgeous man with a wonderful package." Micky licks his lips. "But I have to if you want your nen back. Don't worry...it won't be like this forever."

"Change me?" Gon questions only to tense when Micky grabs him by the face and kisses him. The kiss is rough and his lips are chapped. Gon's eyes widen, his body going stiff as he feels Micky's tongue licking at his lips, trying to get in. Gon has been kissed before. He was kissed when he was young by those older women and he was kissed by a few girls he's taken on dates since he separated with Killua but he's never kissed another man...or...wait maybe he did...

There's a memory in the back of his mind...when he was half awake he remembers feeling lips on his own, it was such a soft kiss and those lips were so nice... _Killua.._..His white locks were brushing over his face.

Gon's body gets hot thinking about that, thinking about his best friend kissing him and soon he closes his eyes, Micky's tongue able to worm its way into his mouth, rubbing his tongue with his. _Killua..._ Gon thinks of those inexperienced lips on his own, sneaking a kiss at night without him knowing, thinks about those blue eyes and pale flesh. Thinks about that shy sort of kiss that Gon felt was so wonderful even as a child that be believed it was a dream.

Gon wants to-

The raven haired male screams, his thoughts being broken when something shoots down his throat, getting his insides to burn. Micky pulls away, leaving Gon seizing on the floor. It feels like all the cuts Micky made are ripping open, his blood is oozing out and Gon can't think of anything. Gon feels his bones change, he feels like his muscles are being ripped from his bones only to be shoved back on.

Gon can't stop screaming. This pain...it reminds him of another time, a time that's been haunting him and that only makes him scream more, a fear over taking him. What if he's turning into that boy. What if that's what he's changing into. He can feel his hair grow longer on top of his head and his face get smaller. He's getting smaller and his chest is stretching. Gon is sweating bullets, trying to get up, trying to stop this pain but he can't even speak.

"It will be over soon." Micky speaks quietly, trying to sooth Gon but it's not helping. "It's all going to be worth it."

Everything is fading away from Gon. He can no longer hear his own scream, it's like it's so far away. Everything is white and the searing pain has become dull, as if he's out of his own body. Gon can feel his consciousness slipping. His last thought is of Killua's smile, the way he would grin with those sharp canines showing, those blue eyes staring at him in that way that they use to.

 _I can't die here._..Gon reaches out to the boy he's been thinking about all this time, that he misses terribly. Killua only smiles, still so far away, still out of reach.

Gon goes limp, darkness over taking him and now he can't feel anything. Micky stares at Gon for a moment before he smiles.

"The change is complete."

* * *

 **Second idea! Give it some love if you want this to be the story that gets finished! Thanks for your support and I am working on the next chapter of Guard dog.**


	2. Chapter 2

Gon's eyebrows twitch, groaning slowly as his eyes flutter open. Gon rubs at his eyes, turning to lay on his stomach. His bed is just so comfortable, he doesn't want to get up. He buries his head in the pillow and closes his eyes trying to fall back to sleep. He feels the fullness of his bladder and he groans. His body isn't going to let him go back to sleep till he relieves himself. Gon sits up in bed, letting his legs hang off the edge as he yawns, stretching his arms above his head.

Why of all times does he have to pee? Gon hasn't had such a good nights rest in...years. It's like he's a new person. He finally had a night where he didn't have the nightmare. He finally had a dreamless night. Gon stands up, the wood under his feet creaking as he walks over to his bathroom, searching for it almost blindly. The wood feels cold under his feet and he cringes.

Gon sighs in relief when he finds the door that leads to the bathroom. He opens it up and walks pass the mirror, standing in front of the toilet. Gon closes his eyes as he reaches into the hole in his boxers to pull himself out and relieve himself-

All he feels is soft flesh. Gon's eyebrows furrow as he digs deeper- Gon's eyes snap open, he becomes awake real quick. He can't find his manhood. All he feels is a slit. Gon looks down in alarm, his mind racing, only to choke on his own spit when he sees two large mounds where his flat chest should be. Gon is wearing a very large shirt he doesn't remember putting on but that doesn't alarm him as much as the boobs that are on his chest and the fact he can not, for the life of him, find his penis.

Gon runs over to the mirror, his heart racing and he ends up tripping over his own feet, hitting his hip against the sink. "Ouch!" Gon winces only to blink. His voice...It's no longer deep and baritone. It's high and soft. He sounded like Mito. Gon swallows as he walks over to the mirror, bracing himself.

Gon can't help to stare at the mirror. He blinks once. Twice. But the image won't change. A woman is staring back at him. Gon takes in his long black hair that reaches pass his shoulders, he takes in the soft edges of his jawline, and how smooth his face is, like how he was when he was a child. Gon's breathing becomes uneven as he sees with his own eyes the breasts that are on his chest. This can't be real. Gon touches his hair before he touches his face, watching how this woman's expression turns close to panicked. Gon pokes one of his breasts, getting it to jiggle and Gon to squeak. It's real! Gon felt that! This woman...is him!

"Is this...a dream?" Gon speaks, still shocked when he hears that high pitched voice. It's so strange. Gon stares at the mirror longer and the more he looks at himself, the more real it becomes. The woman has his tan flesh and his amber eyes. This woman that's him.

This has to be a dream. Gon closes his eyes, his eyebrows furrowing when he feels a pain in his stomach because he still has to relieve himself but...but...how? How do girls do it? He usually stands up to go pee but there's nothing to aim with so...Does he sit down? Where does the pee come out for a girl?

When he feels that urge, he knows he can't hold it anymore. He rushes over to the toilet and pulls down his boxers. He looks down at himself and frowns when he can't even see his genitals because the boobs are blocking his view. "Okay...okay I just..." Gon stares at the toilet like he's never seen anything like it before. He decides to straddle the toilet, hugging the back of it for leverage. It feels like he's on it good. He bites his lip as he lets go. Gon sighs in relief at hearing the liquid pour into the toilet and the loosening of the tightness of his organs.

As Gon reliefs himself, he can't help to hope this isn't one of those dreams where you think you're peeing in real life but you're actually peeing in your bed.

Gon waits for him to wake up wet but he doesn't. He's still on the toilet, his hair is still long and he still has breasts. It's so weird but Gon is starting to think this isn't a dream. Gon gets off the toilet, not liking how it feels wet down there. He takes some toilet paper and just wipes down there, feeling strange as he wipes back to front and throws it in the toilet. His nose wrinkles when he got some urine on his hand and he goes to wash his hands quickly.

He doesn't like this. Gon doesn't like this at all. He doesn't know what to do. He doesn't even remember how he became like this...wait...He had a bad dream. He remembers that. He had a bad dream so he went to take a walk...and while he was taking a walk he met this man and-

"Hey Babe." Gon tenses when he hears that voice, whipping around, getting to a stance immediately, glaring at the threat. He blinks when he sees that man he was just thinking about sitting on top of his bed, his bare chest exposed.

"Micky..." Gon remembers this man's name. Was he sleeping in his bed? Before Gon can question him, he remembers the pain. He remembers the cuts and then the agonizing pain. He remembers accepting Micky's job and wanting the man to use his power so he could use his nen. He remembers everything. Gon still can't believe...this. "What did you do to me? I'm a..." Gon swallows, he can not get use to this voice.

"You're a woman." Micky nods, the grin he had on his lips falling slightly as he gets out of bed.

"That's your special power? Turning men into females?" Gon blinks. "That's...pretty amazing." Gon can't help to gawk a little. Micky used nen to turn him into a woman. He looks like himself too. He really physically changed him. Gon didn't know that was possible. "But how is this going to help me get my nen back?"

"I've completely changed your body. I've made you smaller and softer. I've changed your flesh and the size of your hands and feet. I didn't have to do much with your waist because you were already curvy. I've turned you into a woman. Inside and out. By changing your body, I've also been able to change your nen network. It's like you're a new person. You'll need to be trained but in this form, you will be able to gain your nen back." Micky stares at Gon, a smile turning his lips as he admires his work, a deep pride in his blue eyes. "I changed you from a sexy man, into a smoking hot babe. I did an amazing job if I do say so myself."

"I can use my nen?" Gon looks at his hand and wills his nen to cover his hand. His eyes widen when his hand gets covered in his amber aura, becoming like a flame. A bit more than he wanted but it came easy to him. Micky is right. Just a little bit of training and Gon will have his nen honed once again. Gon feels his heart pick up speed and he smiles brightly only to frown when he catches a glimpse of the large mounds on his chest. "Um...So can I change back? Once I've gotten my nen down? You can change me back right?"

Gon's not really sure how he would feel about staying a woman for the rest of his life. It would certainly be something he would have to adapt to.

"I'm pretty sure I can. Probably." Micky waves his hand when Gon's eyes widen and he frowns deeply. "Don't worry about that right now. You need to be in this form for my jobs. No one can know that you're Gon. Though I have to admit that those eyes sort of give you away. You have unique eyes. So that's why I got you some green contacts. It should fix the problem." Micky thinks for a moment while staring at Gon. "These men are all horrible people. They'll be attracted to you right away which will make your job a lot easier."

"...Right, the job." Gon tries to snap himself out of it. He is still Gon. He's just a female now. It's just hard to wrap his mind around this. "You said we would leave out after you used your power." Gon glances around to make sure and he is indeed, in his hotel room. "You carried me to my hotel room?"

"Yup. The change is always really hard. Some don't make it. I'm glad you did. I knew you would." Micky grins. Gon's eyebrows furrow. So he really could have died. He felt like he was dying. "I thought you could rest a bit and I knew when you woke up you would be freaking out so mind as well get this out of the way here before we head to the plane. Wouldn't want you having a fit on the plane. So are you alright? How you feeling?"

"I feel good. Nothing really hurts and it feels like I've been released. It don't feel plugged up like I did with my other body. I can really feel the change in my nen. It's really weird trying to get use to this voice and the fact that I don't have anything down there anymore. I'm starting to get use to the voice though." Gon looks down at his hands, looking at his smaller arms. Gon does feel good. He feels better. Being a woman shocked him but he's slowly getting use to it. Not too fast but he's adapting.

 _'This is insane...I wonder what Killua would think of me?'_ Gon's heart picks up speed and his fingers twitch. He wants to send Killua a picture. If Killua sees him as a woman, he'll have to call him. There's no way Killua could just ignore that. No one could. He'll ask what happen, he'll want to know what is going on.

Gon needs to show him what just happened. He needs to show him this amazing change. Gon starts to feel his body for his phone only to remember he had his phone in his pocket in the pants he took off at the building.

"Do you have my phone? I left in the pants I took off." Gon looks at Micky, feeling a bit panicked at not having his phone. He needs to take a picture. He needs to get Killua connected with the situation. He needs to share this with him.

"Yeah I do." Micky walks over to the bed, grabbing something off the night stand. When Micky holds out his phone, Gon sighs in relief.

"Yes! Thanks, could you give it here? I want to send a picture to my friend-"

"You mean Killua?" Micky raises his eyebrow, his lips starting to curl.

"Yeah! How did you know?" Gon smiles only to tilt his head.

"Because that's all you've been sending pictures to." Micky touches his phone, scrolling down his messages. "And he hasn't replied to any of them."

"H-Hey don't look at that." Gon flushes in embarrassment, feeling ashamed for some reason at someone seeing that. Gon walks over to Micky, reaching for his phone only for Micky to hold his phone higher. Curse his short height.

"Why do you keep sending him pictures? Why do you keep messaging him? Most of your messages are all to Killua and I haven't seen him text you back once. It's sad."

"Killua is really busy and...and I just like sending him pictures. I like keeping him in the loop. He's my best friend." Gon glares at Micky when he takes a step back with his phone, his only connection to Killua.

"This isn't just being busy. He's ignoring you. It looks like he doesn't want to talk to you." Gon feels his heart sink. He grips his arm, feeling a bit sick. Micky doesn't have to say that. That thought has already crossed his mind. He doesn't have to hear it from someone he just met...

It's painful how obvious it is.

"Just give me the phone back." Gon glares at Micky, his nen going crazy around him. He's having trouble controlling the flow of it now.

"You have an obsession. If he's ignoring you, fuck him. I mean, at first I was laughing a bit at you just sending him all these crazy pictures but then I was like...It's just sad. You need a break away from this phone, that's what you need."

"It's not an obsession I just...I just like sending Killua pictures." Gon tries to defend himself but his voice falls short.

"Yeahhh. You like it a bit too much. You're going to thank me for this later." Gon raises his eyebrow when Micky holds out his cell phone only to crush it in his hand. Gon gasps, feeling like something just shattered with the phone. All the pictures he took, all the messages sent, all the numbers, all gone. "It's like a band-aid okay?-"

"You broke my phone!" Gon shouts out in disbelief. He charges towards Micky, torn between cradling his broken phone or socking him in the face.

"Gon, Gon. I did it for you." Micky dodges him, moving over to the side, his hands up as he drops the broken pieces of his phone. "It was driving you a bit crazy. Who keeps messaging someone who doesn't message them back? You were having conversations with yourself dude."

"Says the person who was looking and reading someone elses messages!" Gon counters, feeling his cheeks heat up in shame again. "Who does that? I wasn't having conversations with myself!...I'm sure Killua at least looks at them..." Gon swallows, rubbing at his arm, that anger fading into something else. His long black hair is getting in his face.

"No. I don't know who this Killua is but I can tell you, he is not good for you. I don't know if he was your boyfriend or whatever but it's time to move on. When someone doesn't message you back, you don't keep messaging them. Reading those messages, it was like you were speaking for him."

Gon doesn't have to be told that. He knows. He gets it. Gon may have a problem. He's been lying to himself for too long. He just...he just wants Killua to be with him. He just wants to feel connected with him. He doesn't want to think that Killua hates him or that he wants nothing to do with him. Gon's chest sinks and his fingers twitch. He just wants to take a picture and send it to Killua. He just wants to call him, even if it goes to voice mail.

How can Gon move on from Killua? He's his best friend. That never changed. Gon still wants Killua to be by his side. He still wants to travel with him and see the world. Gon can't get over Killua. And maybe it is making him sick.

"Maybe Killua doesn't want to talk to me. Maybe Killua was ignoring me all that time but...I still want to talk to him. When I send him pictures, I feel like I'm still talking to him, like we're still together. I don't care if Killua isn't looking at them or if he's messaging me...I just want to feel like we still have a connection." Gon speaks honestly, looking at Micky who is staring at him with a frown on his face.

"That's...really sad." Micky shakes his head. "Look Gon, This mission of mine is going to be good for you. There's a lot of change and we'll experience a bunch of things. It will be a good break for you. So while you're working for me, no phone."

"What?" Gon's eyes widen and he grips his baggy shirt. "No phone at all? But I have others I talk to-"

"No phone. You need a break. It's like a new beginning...alright now, when you give me that look I can't be strict. You can have a phone but one that can't send pictures. That sounds better doesn't it?"

"...I guess so." Gon pouts. He still doesn't like it. Sending pictures has been his only contact with Killua for two years. He can feel an uneasiness settle over him, and it's worse than when he woke up and found he had no penis.

Micky stares at him before he smiles, and it's gentle. "I'll treat you to an ice cream or something for breaking your phone okay? And I'll buy you a new one. I can be an ass but I'm just looking out for you. Once you're gotten your things we'll head out."

"Okay...You said the first guy was in Yorknew right?" Gon tries to focus on his job and not on the fact he's a woman or that his phone is in pieces and he has no way to reach Killua. What if Killua tries to contract him while he doesn't have a phone- Gon's chest tightens and he feels like he can't breathe for a moment. Is he really going to have a panic attack over that? Gon knows it's not normal.

"Yes. We'll take the plane there and get a hotel." Micky watches as Gon pulls out some of his clothes, looking at them with his eyebrows furrowed. "We'll be getting you some new clothes. We need you to look like a woman, not dress like a guy."

"Okay..." Gon thinks for a moment before he smiles over at Micky, getting him to blink. "I want to wear a pretty dress. I've always wanted to wear one when I saw Mito in them but she wouldn't let me try it on when I was younger. I think this could be fun."

"That's the spirit! You're a chick now so you can wear a dress and no one is going to look at you like you're weird. There's a lot of things you can do. Wear whatever and i'll be helping you with putting on makeup and such." Micky hums, looking pleased. "there's probably a few things I should let you know about being a woman."

"Yeah, could you tell me how to go to the bathroom? I went but it felt strange and I don't know if I did it right..."

"Just sit on the toilet like you're taking a dump and then wipe from front to back." Gon nods, frowning when he remembers he wiped back to front. He's about to ask about it when Micky speaks again. "A think something you should be aware of Gon, is that even though you are a female now, your brain hasn't changed. You are still Gon. You have the mind of an 18 year old male and the body of a female. Your sexual orientation shouldn't change and you are able to have intercourse. You will also get periods every month and I have no idea when you'll start so...yeah."

"I'll get a period?" Gon frowns, remembering those times when he would see bloody clothes in the thrash can. When he thought Mito was dying, his aunt was forced to explain to him what periods are so he wouldn't freak out. Periods didn't sound pleasant.

"Yeah sorry about that." Micky gives him a lopsided smile, rubbing the back of his head.

"Can I get pregnant?" Gon blinks, pointing at himself.

"I'm not sure actually. Maybe." Micky shrugs his shoulders. "if you have sex, use a condom to be safe-"

"I'm not going to have sex in this body." Gon blushes, feeling flushed. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Aw that's too bad. We could have had some fun." Micky winks. When Gon gives him a look, he chuckles. "I'm just playing. I'm more into guys myself. Now if you were a man... me and you could be rocking that bed all night babe."

"I think I'm done packing my things." Gon tries to ignore how his heart beats faster at the thought of Micky doing anything to him. Maybe it's not the thought about Micky...maybe it's the idea of another guy doing things to him. His mind keeps going back to those blue eyes and that soft white hair...Killua isn't far away from any of his thoughts. "Lets go get these guys. I might be a female now but I'm still Gon." Gon grins at Micky, punching his fist in the air as he grabs his bag. He doesn't have many things on him. "They won't know what hit them."

"They really won't." Micky grins as he opens the door for Gon. "Ladies first."

"Such a gentleman." Gon teases, chuckling to himself as he walks out. The hotel is cold...it almost feels colder somehow.

"You know it." Micky chuckles as he follows Gon down the hallway. Gon tries not to think of Killua. Tries not to think of his phone. Gon has been able to adapt to being a woman a lot quicker then adapting to not having a phone. It's only been five minutes and he's feeling empty.

Now it's like...Killua really is gone.

And Gon really is alone.

* * *

"Don't tell anyone that you've changed." Gon stops mid text and looks over at Micky who is sitting next to him on the plane. As soon as they left the hotel, Gon was quick to look out the closest phone store. He was delighted to find there was one on their way to the airport. He made the cab driver stop and then he proceeded to buy a new phone. Of course this one is a lot cheaper than his other one since he can't send pictures. It doesn't even have camera! Gon sat patiently during the ride to the airport and didn't open the phone till they sat down on the plane. He's doing good. Gon lasted about an hour without a phone.

"Why not?" Gon tilts his head. He was just texting Killua a long message about how he changed into a woman and how he has this new job and how crazy it is and how he wishes he could see but he doesn't have a camera anymore-

"Word is easy to get around. I don'' want anyone knowing that Gon Freecss has transformed into a woman. You look too much like yourself. Even with the green contacts, i'm doubtful. You have the same mannerisms and anyone really looking could point things out that would give you away. I need to teach you some tips on looking girly. One, don't spread your legs." Micky hits Gon's thigh, getting Gon to close his legs.

"But it's comfy." Gon whines. "And I'm sure Killua wouldn't tell anyone, or Leorio-"

"You can't tell anyone." Micky shakes his head. "This mission is important to me. I don't need you giving yourself away."

"I guess so." Gon mumbles as he erases his message to Killua before he thinks of what to say. _"I've gotten a new phone! It's kind of cheap so I won't be able to send you pictures but we can still talk on it."_ Gon tries to sends this message only to frown when he can't get a signal. So much for sending Killua a message. Gon feels that uneasiness but when he sees Micky giving him a look, he puts his phone down.

"While we're sitting here, we mind as well go over some things." Micky hums when Gon's amber eyes are focused on him, a strand of black hair falling next to his cheek. Micky reaches over and tucks the hair behind Gon's ear. "You've already gotten some admirers."

"Yeah I noticed." Gon nods his head. He's been aware of a couple of guys staring at him. They're not being sneaky about it either. Whenever Gon would look at them, either they would look away, or they would smile. At first Gon thought they were being friendly so he smile and waved, but when they started to wink and mouth 'lets go to the bathroom'. Gon is sure they don't want to be just friends. Gon isn't that naive. At least not anymore. He feels his eyebrow twitch when he feels this man staring at his chest shamelessly. "That's rude you know?" Gon huffs, glaring over at this man, getting him to look out the window.

This isn't how you're suppose to treat a lady. Gon is a guy but they don't know that. If they like him, they should be friendly and nice, not looking at him like he's a meal. They should take him out on a date and maybe kiss him on the cheek first. That's how he's treated all the women he's taken out. And he doesn't like how some of these men look like they have a wife sitting next to them.

"Don't snap on them for staring. It's hard not to when your knockers take up most of the space." Micky chuckles when Gon glares at him.

"Who's fault is that? You're the one who made me like this." Gon huffs. "You could have made my chest smaller."

"Hey, I had no say in that." Micky holds up his hands. "My power just tweaks your DNA. If you were born a female, this is how you would really look, boobs and all." Gon still has to wonder if he could have made his chest a bit smaller than this. They're a bit heavy too, not something that Gon can't handle of course but he notices the difference. Most defiantly.

"...I still can't believe there's a nen power like that. How did you discover you could do this?" Gon raises his eyebrow, becoming interested once again in Micky. He's a strange guy. Gon doesn't know much about him still but he doesn't have a bad feeling. He doesn't think Micky wants to harm him.

"That's a funny story. I might tell you it later." Micky smirks when Gon pouts. "Don't give me that look. You're adorable with that face of yours." Micky squeezes Gon's cheek, squishing his lips together to make a fishy face.

Gon's heart beats faster when a memory comes back to him. Back when they were 12, Killua and Gon had been arguing about something when Gon pulled at Killua's cheek. Soon after Killua squished his face much like Micky is doing now. It was a bit rougher but the chuckle that left Killua's lips was worth it.

" _Your face looks so weird!"_ Killua chuckled and Gon feels his chest clench. He longs to feel those hands on his face again. He liked it then as a child. He would love it now as an adult.

"Now lets practice on your flirting. You're going to need it for these men. You're going to have to be cute and sexy at the same time." Gon blinks when Micky speaks. The man is no longer touching his face but staring at him with those blue eyes, his expression serious. When had Micky stopped touching him?

"My flirting?" Gon questions. He knows how to flirt with the ladies. But since he has a feeling his targets are going to be male...

"Yup. You're going to have to be sexy for old men pretty much. The more you seduce them, the easier your job is. So lets practice on that guy who keeps staring at you." Micky nods his head. Gon turns his head, his amber eyes making eye contact with this guy across from him. The man flushes and looks away quickly. "Tsk. That won't do. Start up a conversation. I want to see you flirt with this guy. Flirt like you like him. Go. Show me what you got."

Gon flushes. He's never flirted with a guy before. Gon turns his head back to the guy so he can study him. He's not bad looking. He's a skinny man with curly red hair. Gon tries to think of what to say. If this was a girl he wanted to date, how would he start it out? Though after his experience with Micky kissing him last night and his thoughts about Killua after...Gon can't help to question his sexuality a bit.

"Hi there." Gon reaches over and taps this man's shoulder. He tenses before he looks over at Gon, his face getting red, those green eyes shifting away from his. Gon smiles. "I really like your hair. It's cute."

"Oh...um...thanks..."Those green eyes look up at him. "I really like your..." Those green eyes slide down before he looks up quickly. He seems choked up. Gon doesn't really know what to say either. He doesn't really want to go on a date with this guy and he's starting to wonder what he should do next. Honestly he's never really had to approach someone before. The girls came to him and the women on the island came to him too.

"Okay that's awkward." Micky grunts, getting Gon to look over at him. He's shaking his head. " You got to be smoother than that. He obviously likes your rack since he's been staring at them non stop." The man flushes and looks away quickly. "You have an awesome chest Gon and you must use this to your advantage. Men want you. They don't want to take you out on a date. At least most of them won't. They just want to fuck you. So use that."

Gon frowns at the language but he knows Micky is right. The men on this plane are staring him down and it's not giving him a good feeling. It's almost like the feeling he got when Hisoka was staring at his ass as a child, only a lot less frightening. "How do I use my chest?" Gon has just gotten them. Hes' not sure he even wants to use them on these men.

"You know, just stick them out. If you were wearing a low cut shirt it would be a lot easier. But you can use other things to be sexy. Instead of talking like a chirpy little birdy, why don't you try to speak slower? Give me your sexy face right now. I want to see it."

"Sexy face?" Gon blinks.

"Yeah. Try to seduce me. Give me a face like you just got done masturbating and you're all loose and you wouldn't mind another round." Micky's expression doesn't change.

Gon blushes. Can he make such a face? Gon closes his eyes, trying to think of the last time he masturbated and the feelings. He remembers how it felt to cum and those lingering thoughts that get his face to heat up. He opens his eyes giving Micky some sort of face. Maybe it's sexy, it's not too sure but it's the best he could do.

"Not bad." Micky hums. " Just make your eyes half lidded...there you go! Make that face when all else fails and i'm sure they'll try to take you to bed."

"Eh okay." Gon flushes, feeling a bit dirty. His heart is beating faster and he feels a bit warm.

"Alright now I'm going to give you an example of how you should flirt." Gon blinks when Micky starts to twirl Gon's hair on his finger, leaning in, sticking out his chest subtly. "You look like you could use some company mister. I'd like to..." Micky rubs the inside of Gon's thigh. "Entertain you." He leans in, whispering this against his ear.

"Wow." Gon has to admit he feels warm from that. He wonders if he could be as alluring as Micky just was.

"Sexy right? Now you try. Maybe use your body a little. Spread your legs, touch your neck. Use your body as a weapon."

"I'll try..." Gon tries to think all of all the movies he's seen and how the women were sexy in them. "Maybe later me and you could get a ice cream cone." Gon speaks slower like Micky told him, leaning forward.

"Okay now say something that suggests something dirty." Micky encourages, moving his hand in a come on motion.

"We can share an ice cream cone." Gon licks his lips. Micky blinks.

"Wow... you're terrible at this."

"Hey!" Gon pouts, straightening himself out. "I just turned into a woman less than four hours ago. I don't know how to be sexy as a girl. I'm still sort of getting use to the fact I have breasts you know?"

"Well how did you act sexy when you were a man?"

Gon thinks for a moment. Has he every tried to be sexy? Gon has taken girls on dates and they kissed but he doesn't think he's ever tried to seduce them. Because Gon didn't want to make love to those girls. He had a fun time with them on their dates but when it came time for Gon to walk them home, he always declined when they asked him if he wanted to come up to their room. Once he thinks about it, he supposes those girls tired to seduce him, popping out their chest, bending down in front of him, twirling their hair, just like Micky was doing. It didn't really work on him though.

"Alright, personal question time. Are you a virgin?" Micky watches as Gon's in thought eyes look at him.

"Yeah I am." Gon answers without any shame or embarrassment.

"Shit you really are a virgin." Micky groans, rubbing the back of his head. "Okay have you ever done anything? Like I don't know, have you gotten a blow job from someone or a hand job at least?"

"There was this one girl who tried to give me a hand job after our date but I stopped her."

"Why the fuck would you stop her?"Micky blinks.

"Because I didn't really want her to." Gon didn't think he would have to explain himself but Micky is giving him a probing look.

"So you didn't want some chick touching your dick but you let some strange dude touch it?" Micky grins when Gon gives him a slight glare, his cheeks tinting.

"You said you would help me get my nen back." Gon huffs. "it's not like it was anything sexual because you were cutting me."

"Cutting can be sexual. You were getting hard from it-"

Gon shoves Micky a bit, feeling embarrassed for once in his life and a little confused. He did get a little hard from it.

"I think the only reason you're a virgin is because you've been barking up the wrong tree." Micky grins. "You were hot as a man and you're hot as a woman. There's no reason that you shouldn't be getting mad tail. I'm thinking that you're not into girls though. Have you ever thought about dating a guy?"

"No I haven't..." Gon starts only to trail off when he remembers something. A long time ago after they lost to Knuckle and Shoot, Gon had to take Palm on a date. Killua didn't seem happy about it and soon after Gon learned he never went on a date. Gon never got the chance to do it but Gon started to plan out a date for Killua. He wanted to take him on a date because he's never been on one. Back then he thought he was being nice, but now that he's older, looking back at it...Gon remembers how he smiled thinking about all the things to do with Killua. The idea of going on a date with Killua now makes him feel warm.

"By that look on your face, i'm going to say you have." Micky studies Gon for a moment. "So what's up? Are you embarrassed about liking guys or something?"

"No. This is just new to me...I've always thought girls are pretty and soft but..." Gon's eyebrows furrow. "I didn't even really think about being attracted to guys as a possibility. I've only just recently learned about gay marriage and what being gay means."

"So you're just inexperienced." Micky smirks. "I go both ways Gon and I must say, a prefer a nice muscular man. You just need to experiment a little. So if you've ever in the mood, I'm always waiting for you baby."

"No thanks." Gon shakes his head, his cheeks tinting but when he sees Micky wiggle his eyebrows, he can't help to chuckle.

"Ugh fine." Micky rolls his eyes but his smile is teasing. "But you know your like of guys could help in these missions. You just need to look around and explore this part of you. I mean, what have you been doing all this time? You haven't experimented at all with guys?"

"No. I've mainly been doing missions and traveling." And sending pictures to Killua, thinking about him.

"Alright, this mission is like your vacation. We're going to have a good ol time exploring that sexuality of yours anddd we have a lot of work with your flirt game."

"I guess so." Gon gives Micky a sheepish smile before he grabs his phone and opens it up. He frowns when he sees there's no signal. He still can't send a message to Killua and he feels that silent panic in his chest. What if Killua is trying to contact him? What if something happens? Gon really wants to tell Killua about how he turned into a woman but at the very least he wants to tell him how he's questioning his sexuality and he might very well like guys. This is something his best friend should know. But Gon has no way to contact him.

Gon tries to think of what Killua would say to finding out about him being gay to calm his panic. Gon draws a blank. He doesn't know what Killua would say to that. Would he be alright with it? Would he think he's weird? Gon wants him to be okay with it. Gon wants...Gon wants to try to take Killua on the date he never got to as a child. Gon opens his eyes when his heart beats faster.

"So hey, tell me about those missions and where you traveled." Micky slowly lowers the phone that Gon tried to mess with to send Killua the message even though he has no signal. Gon's eyes light up and he turns to Micky, pushing Killua to the back of his mind for just a moment. It's been awhile since he's had someone to talk about his travels in person. So Gon tells Micky. He hops in his seat as he tells him all the wondrous things he's seen, all the amazing things he did. All the things he wanted to share with Killua but the other male isn't by his side and Gon wonders if he's even seen all the messages he's sent.

He has to push thoughts of Killua to the back of his mind as he talks to Micky. The other male is listening intently, his eyes wide when Gon would say something amazing and it just feels good.

It feels nice having someone to talk to. It's nice telling someone this story and having them respond to him. Maybe Micky was right...maybe he really was having a conversation with himself for 2 years. Maybe he was talking for Killua because...Gon couldn't bare not having him. It took Micky saying something to him and being here for Gon to come to terms with it but honestly, Gon knew all this time. Gon knows he has a problem but he knows...oh he knows that when he gets signal he'll go back to messaging Killua.

Because that's all he has of Killua now. The only connection he has with his best friend.

And it is sad.

* * *

"Yorknew!" Gon cheers as he runs into the hotel room and doing a belly flop on the bed. He sighs at feeling the comfortable mattress. It's nice that they're staying in this hotel. It's the same one he stayed at with Killua and Leorio.

"Finally. I hate traveling."Micky groans as he throws their things to the side of the bed. "So it's like 5 in the afternoon, I'm gong to go out to get you some clothes. Did you see how many people were looking at you strangely? It's because your wearing what looks to be a long shirt with nothing underneath."

"I have boxers on but I couldn't fit my pants anymore. My pants were too tight." Gon frowns as he sits up in bed, remembering all the looks he got from the older women.

"Yeah I know, that's why I'm going to go shopping for you. I'm going to make you look so fly." Gon tilts his head as Micky pulls out measuring tape from his bag. "I'm going to measure you and then while i'm gone, you're free to do whatever in here."

"I think i'm going to practice my ten." Gon smiles at the idea of being able to control his nen again. He stands up and lets Micky measure his shoulders, his waist, his bust, and his hips.

"Good idea. Get a start on that. Man your boobs have to be a D at least. You could be a model." Micky grins at Gon who feels like he should cover his chest.

"You really think so?" Gon beams. Him a model? He doesn't really want to be that but it's a funny thing to think about.

"Yup. That's why you _are_ a model. At least that's what you're going to tell everyone." Micky straightens himself out. "So I'm going to be back in a couple of hours." Micky waves him off and before Gon can ask him anything else he's booking it out the hotel room.

"Why am I going to tell people I'm a model?" Gon tilts his head, frowning slightly from not having an answer. Gon blinks when he remembers he should be able to text Killua now. He looks for his phone only to tense when he can't find it. Where did he...Then he remembers Micky had held his phone when they were getting off the plane. Micky distracted him and he took his phone with him. Gon huffs and flops down on the bed. He wanted to text Killua but it seems Micky is going to make it hard on him.

Gon closes his eyes as he crosses his legs. There's no need to get panicked about it. Not when he can be practicing his nen.

Gon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath as he focuses on letting his nen come out through his pores. His eyebrows furrow when his nen comes out in an crazy fire rather than a controlled flame. Gon takes deep breaths, trying to get his nen to calm. He clears his mind and soon, his nen is a soft glow around him. It's making him sweat holding it but he has it. If he keeps practicing he'll be able to use his nen like he did when he was twelve.

Gon opens his eyes, tensing when he sees himself in the mirror, not recognizing himself. He blinks at the woman looking back at him, sitting on the bed in a meditating position. Gon touches his face, the woman doing the same. It really is strange. It's something to get use to. Micky didn't even seem sure if he can change him back. Gon is happy he got his nen back but he's not sure about being a woman. He can't help to think of Killua. Would he even recognize him when they meet again? Gon looks like himself with the tan skin and the amber eyes and black hair tinged green but it's going to confuse Killua seeing him like this.

Gon's stomach twists and he feels restless without his phone. He wants to tell Killua what happened. He wants to talk to him. But Micky doesn't want him telling anyone about his transformation. Gon wonders if he told Killua, would he be quick to come find him? Maybe he would scold him for letting Micky do this to him. He might be angry at Micky. He might cross his arms like he does and glare. Gon smiles at the thought.

What if he doesn't even respond to this?

Gon's smile falls. That would hurt. Gon closes his eyes and tries to work on his nen again, pushing Killua to the back of his mind. Gon makes his mind blank which calms his heart and stomach that were getting upset from his thoughts. He just focuses on his nen. Killua is pushed aside.

Gon doesn't know how long he's been meditating but by the time Micky walks into the apartment, Gon is soaked from sweating and his nen flows a bit more freely out of his body.

"Yo! I'm back. I got you a lot of the good stuff." Micky grins as he walks into the room, shutting the door behind him. He's carrying a couple of bags. Gon opens his eyes and smiles at Micky, letting his nen go back inside. "I see you're getting to work on your nen. It looks good." He wrinkles his nose. "Did you have sweat all over the bed though?"

"Working with my nen breaks a sweat. I didn't think I would sweat this much." Gon chuckles, rubbing the back of his head as he stands up. He watches Micky put down the bags before he digs in one. "Are those my new clothes?"

"Yes and then some." Micky pulls out a white container, walking over to Gon. Gon tilts his head as Micky opens them, revealing two contacts. "These will change your eye color to green."

"...Are they really necessary?"

"Tomorrow night you will be going to the hunter ball. It's a huge thing and I'm pretty sure you're going to see people you know there. There may be people you know in town too. So when ever you leave this apartment, you have to put these in. Your amber eyes are unique to you. Even though you're a chick now, someone might easily pick you out because of your eyes." Micky closes the container before handing them to Gon.

"The hunter ball...?" Gon's eyes light up when he remembers Leorio talking about it. He said it was mainly for hunters who have families or who enjoy dances. Leorio said there wouldn't be alcohol so he didn't want to go. Also he said Kurapika wouldn't be going. Gon was going to meet up with Leorio and just see what he's been doing as a Doctor but now that he's going to the hunter ball, Gon can't help to wonder if...Killua will be there. His heart beats faster, and he swallows. "I've heard of the ball before. Why am I going there? Is the target a hunter?"

"No and yes." Micky stretches, taking off his shirt before jumping on the bed, crossing his arms behind his head. "Your first target is a guy named Rose. Yes, his name is Rose. And he named himself that. He's a crazy mother fucker, Gon. He spends his time hunting young women and selling them into the sex industry. The hunter association hasn't been able to prove it yet. The only reason the hunter association started to think something is wrong is because all the young females missing were involved with Rose. Young female hunters or children of hunter kept going missing. Rose would trick them and take the young girls to sell them. He would gain their trust by his looks and polite ways. They suspect it's him but they don't have the proof. I know he's done these crimes."

Micky's eyes flash, those blue eyes getting darker. "You Gon, will bring him in. Once he lays eyes on you, it will be like a moth attracted to light. You will talk to him, get him alone. You will be captured by him and you will find out where he's keeping his latest group of girls. He can't know how strong you are. You will make him think you want him. You will act as if you have no idea who he is. He is a very attractive man and that's how he gets his women. You will play the part of the victim."

"So I'm the one who's getting the proof."Gon nods his head, finally getting why this form is needed. Rose is after young women. If Rose knew he was Gon Freecss, he wouldn't try to sell him most likely. That's why Micky doesn't want him to tell anyone. It makes sense. Gon has to act like he's weak. Gon doesn't like that much though.

"Yup so tomorrow we're going to go into town and you're going to practice being a vulnerable woman. We'll also work on your flirting." Micky nods his head, yawning. "Once we have where he's selling the woman, we have the proof. We'll bring him in and then we can knock him off our list. We have to do this quick alright? So you do all you can to make him interested. Make him want to sell you." Micky starts to tap his fingers restlessly, talking about Rose is making him anxious.

"Eh I wish I could just fight him. I don't like this sneaky stuff." Gon wrinkles his nose.

"You can beat him to shit but that doesn't prove he's the one who took those females. He's not stupid either. You can torture him and he might tell you where the girls are but by the time we get there, all of them will be gone. He has others working with him. This is the only way we can get him Gon." Micky looks at Gon seriously. Then he grins. "Once we have him, you can fight him. He's a pretty worthy opponent. You'll have fun fighting him."

"Yeah?" Gon's eyes light up in excitement.

"Yeah." Micky grins before he pats the spot next to him. "Lets watch a movie or something before we go to bed. A lot of crap happened didn't it?"

"Yeah." Gon looks over at the bags before he gets in the bed next to Micky, getting under the covers as Micky messes with the remote to turn on the TV. "How do you know that Rose is the one who's taken all the girls?"

"I just do." Micky gets stiff. He grins widely. "Look! Family guy is on! Love this shit!" Gon's eyebrows furrow but he looks at the TV. Soon he forgets what they were talking about, the show making his mind go numb as they laugh at the jokes.

Gon doesn't want to think anyway. Every time he thinks of the hunter ball, he thinks about Killua and if he'll be there. Gon feels his fingers twitch. He wants to contact Killua but...maybe it's better he doesn't. Gon swallows when he thinks of Killua trying to contact him and he turns on Micky. "Hey do you have my phone?"

"Yeah I got your crappy flip phone." Micky grunts, taking the phone out. "If you're going to text Killua, don't tell him where you are or what you're doing or that you're a woman now."

Gon nods his head. He frowns but he'll listen. Gon types in Killua's number and saves it. He doesn't know Leorio's or Kurapika's by heart so he'll have to find those on the hunter website later. Gon feels himself clam down now that he's able to text Killua.

" _Hey Killua! My old phone was broken so I had to get his one! I can't send you anymore pictures:( I'm on a new mission and I can't tell you much but a bunch has happened. I wish I could tell you. I bet you couldn't even guess what's happened to me."_ Gon texts this and then sends it to Killua.

Gon falls asleep waiting for Killua to text him back. He never does.

* * *

"Isn't this a little short?" Gon blinks as he looks at the white skirt Micky bought for him. The skirt comes up to his upper thigh and shows off his toned, smooth legs.

"Nah. This is the style now." Micky waves his hand, watching as Gon looks at himself in the mirror.

"And the shirt is low too." Gon blushes at seeing the top of his breasts showing. "It looks cute though." Gon has to admit. The fluffy green shirt with the white skirt looks good on his new body.

"It's adorable." Micky hums. "And by showing your lady lumps, you'll easily attract attention. You ready to go out in the city?" Micky's smile falls slightly when he sees Gon look over towards his phone, a frown on Gon's lips. Killua didn't message him. Why did Gon think it would be different? Maybe he thought Killua would be interested in this new mission.

Maybe Killua isn't interested in him at all anymore.

"I'll get you an ice cream." Micky wraps an arm around his shoulder, grinning at him as he walks with Gon out of the apartment, leaving the phone resting on the bed. "I still owe you that for breaking your phone."

"Mm Ice cream sounds good." Gon smiles, pushing Killua to the back of his mind. He's working after all. Micky is a nice employer. "So while we're in the city, you're going to teach me to be more lady like?"

"Yeah i'm going to try. Getting you to wear this skirt will also get you use to the dress you're going to wear tonight." Micky walks with Gon out of the hotel. Gon blinks at the bright light from the sun and all the people walking around in the streets. "Mannn this place is packed. They're all here for the hunter ball I bet you."

"So many." Gon's eyes light up in excitement as he looks at everyone, feeling his lips twitch up into a smile. As Gon and Micky walk in the direction with the crowd, Gon gets a few looks and soon those looks turn into whistling and winking.

"Try winking back." Micky offers. Gon closes his one eye in a wink but it feels strange on his face. Micky chuckles. "That was horrible. Don't look like you have something in your eye."

"It's weird." Gon huffs but this time he winks and offers a guy a smile. He eats it up.

"That's better!" Micky beams. "Let's work on that walk. You walk like a dude. Try swaying your hips more."

"Do I need to?" Gon's eyebrows furrow. " I think my walk is fine."

"Okay but you're not going to be able to work it tonight with that walk." Micky huffs.

Gon doesn't know much about 'working' it but he's sure he'll be fine without doing too much of this. Gon still doesn't like the idea of what he's going to do even though he understands it. "Alright. Lets do a exercise. I'm going to leave you on this bench and if anyone comes by to flirt, flirt back. I'll be watching off on the side and giving you pointers." Micky gives him a thumbs up when they get to a bench before he walks off.

"I just stay here?" Gon blinks, watching as Micky disappears into the crowd of people. Gon sighs, flopping down on the bench, his eyebrows furrowing. This job is strange. A few men pass him giving him winks or cat calls. Gon masters his wink but he notices that most the time these men are next to women that don't look too happy at Gon when he winks back.

Gon kicks his legs, feeling bored already. His mind is starting to wander places he doesn't want it to. Every time he sees white, his heart lifts up, thinking maybe, just maybe Killua could be here but when he finds out it's not him, Gon's heart sinks. Gon feels small on this bench. There's something about to break in him, and he doesn't like it. Gon stands up quickly and pushes his way pass the crowd, ignoring the whistles even though he's suppose to be flirting. He doesn't feel like it right now. The contacts he put in are irritating his eyes. The more he blinks, the dryer his eyes feel. He wishes he didn't have to be in disguise.

Gon finally gets out of the crowd. Now he's standing in front of a clothing store, the man running it wiggling his eyebrows at him. These men don't know how to make a girl feel welcomed or comfortable. Some of them are looking him up and down and Gon doesn't like the hungry look they get-

"Ah!" Gon's eyes widen when a girl suddenly runs out of the crowd, tripping on her own feet. Gon is quick to catch her, stopping her from falling on her face.

"Are you alright?" Gon's eyebrows furrow. The girl's head landed against Gon's shoulder, her black hair in her face.

"Yeah i'm fine. S-Sorry about that." She giggles, pulling away, looking at Gon with apologetic blue eyes. Gon feels his mouth go dry. He knows those eyes. He knows that face. He's only seen her once but he would never forget that face. "I shouldn't have tried to move pass the crowd."

Gon can't say anything. He just stares at Alluka. Still not believing it. This is Killua's sister, the one he left with. Gon's heart is beating so fast and only when Alluka narrows her eyes at him does he snap out of his shock.

"You look kind of familiar..." Alluka tilts her head before she smiles. "I would remember a face like yours! You're so pretty! Ohh and I love your skirt!" Alluka gushes over Gon. "And your shoes!" She squeals when she looks down at the white slip ons Micky bought him.

"Thanks." Gon smiles and it feels strange on his face. He's about to have a heart attack. "You look familiar too..."

"Yeah?" Alluka beams. "That's probably because my brother is a famous hunter! We've been traveling and seeing a bunch of cool places!" Alluka huffs suddenly, this look of irritation on her face. "I had to get away from him though. He never lets me go off on my own. I love him and all but I want some room to breathe."

"Y-Your brother is here?" Gon swallows, his mouth going dry. He listens to Alluka intently, wanting to know more about what Alluka and Killua have been up to.

"Yeah over there some where trying to get some more chocolate. He's not too happy i've pretty much forced him to come here for the ball." Alluka smiles sheepishly. "But I want to meet people my own age! I was hoping to meet some of the hunter's children but..." Alluka looks at Gon with her blue eyes lighting up. "I was hoping to find another girl about my age. Do you want to go shopping with me?" Alluka flushes, getting a bit bashful now.

"Sure." Gon nods his head dumbly, his heart beating so fast. Killua is here. He's getting chocolate. Killua is in the same town as him. Killua's sister is right here. She's grown a lot too. Her black hair reaches her waist, her blue eyes so bright and pretty. She's wearing a blue dress that goes to her ankles. She's adorable and she comes to Gon's chest. It makes Gon wonder how much Killua has grown, what he looks like. He's so close. Gon is feeling light headed and he just wants to squeeze Alluka he's so happy to see her.

"Yay!" Alluka cheers,doing a little dance only to flush. "I'm being weird aren't I?"

"Nope." Gon chuckles doing a little dance with her. "Dancing isn't weird at all!"

"hehe yeah! Ohh what's your name? I didn't even introduce myself! My name is Alluka!" Alluka holds out her hand.

"My name is G-" Gon stops, choking up on his words, getting pale. He can't give her his name! Especially since she's going to be at the ball...No one is suppose to know about him. A name suddenly pops in his head and he speaks it. "Grace. My name is Grace."

"Grace! That's a pretty name!" Alluka's eyes light up. "Are you going to the hunter's ball too Grace? I would love to see you there!"

"Yeah I am." Gon smiles when Alluka squeals.

"I want to show you my dress! Do you have a picture of yours?" Alluka pulls out her phone and starts sliding through her pictures to show Gon a dress that's large and puffy, a light pink. Gon can't help to smile at it.

"That will look great on you Alluka! You'll look adorable in it." Gon beams, getting Alluka to flush.

"You don't think it's too childish?"

"No! It looks like a princess dress!" Gon hums, liking Alluka's energy. It's nice having someone to get excited with again. And it's Killua's sister. Killua is here. "Alluka's going to be a princess!"

"No." Alluka blushes but her eyes are brighter. "Grace is the one who's going to look like a princess! What color is your dress?"

"I'm not really sure-"

"Don't tell me you don't have one!" Alluka gasps, grabbing onto Gon's wrists, looking at him seriously.

"I do but um..." _It's green with bows._ Gon's eyes widen at that voice but he doesn't question it. He will later. "It's green with bows." Gon watches Alluka's eyes sparkle and he can't help to chuckle. He's never seen someone get so excited over clothes.

"Maybe we could get ready together! I've always wanted to have someone to have a makeover with." Alluka is bouncing. "I could curl your hair and do your makeup!"

"That sounds like fun- "Gon starts.

"Sis!" Gon's heart stops. He swears it does. Gon swallows thickly as he turns his head slowly towards the voice. That voice that has gotten lower with maturity but is the same voice he knows.

Gon feels like his heart is going to explode when Killua shoves his way through the crowd, standing before him. It's Killua. He would recognize him anywhere. His white hair has grown longer in the sense it's puffer, his bangs framing his face but his hair only covers the back of his neck. Killua's blue eyes are so bright, a thin eyebrow twitching in irritation. Killua has gotten taller. Much taller actually, just as Gon had feared. He towers over him! The blue shirt he's wearing right now shows off his pale skin and his muscular arms. Seeing him like this, Gon can't help to wonder how much stronger he's gotten. Gon can't help to wonder a lot of things but in this moment, all he can think about is that Killua is right in front of him.

Gon feels a lump in his throat and all he wants to do is hug Killua and tell him how much he missed him. "Killua." Gon says breathlessly. What ever Alluka was about to say is cut off by Gon saying Killua's name. He looks at Gon with his eyebrow raised, his eyes narrowing.

"How do you know my name?" Killua shoves his hands in his pockets, looking him up and down. Those sharp eyes locking with his. "Why are you around my sister?"

Gon opens his mouth. He's speechless.

"This is Grace!" Alluka gives Killua a nervous smile. "I think we've met her before! She looks really familiar to me."

"Yeah...She does." Killua stares at Gon's face, those blue eyes flashing before he closes them and takes a deep breath. "I don't know where i've seen you before. Why don't you jog my memory?" Killua glances at Gon from the corner of his eye.

Gon can only stare at him. He still can't believe it. Killua's here. Gon wants to tell Killua the truth but when he opens his mouth, he can't say anything. Killua raises his eyebrow, waiting for an answer. Gon's eyes shift from side to side, starting to sweat when Killua gives him that probing look. He's seen it before but it's never been this intense on him before. "I feel like...i've seen you a lot. Maybe i've seen you here before?" Gon tries.

Killua is quiet for a minute, studying Gon. "Yeah. Maybe. But if my sister has seen you before, it couldn't have been here." Killua keeps staring. "Why are you sweating? What's there to be nervous about?" Killua narrows his eyes again.

"Because...because it's you." Gon rubs his arm. He can't help to wonder if it's his mind playing tricks on him. He's pictured this moment so many times in his head...and this is nothing like he pictured.

They aren't running into each others arms and hugging. No. Gon is a woman named Grace and Killua is looking at him like he doesn't trust him. Gon wants to tell him but when ever he opens his mouth to tell him who he is, his voice leaves him.

Killua blinks before his face wrinkles up. "Ugh don't tell you're one of those crazy fan girls. I'm not interested in someone who looks like you." Killua shakes his head. Gon feels a stinging in his chest that he doesn't understand but it hurts. Killua looks away from him to give his sister an annoyed look. "What are you doing talking to someone like this?"

"I'm not a fan girl." Gon growls, not understanding why his face is getting hotter, but something is building up.

"Really?" Killua hums, giving Gon this look. "You keep staring at me like I'm your long lost love or something. It's pathetic. I don't even know who you are but you stupid girls fall in love with me. It's annoying."

Gon feels a pang in is heart. He doesn't even know who he is. He doesn't recognize him? Just a tiny bit? Gon swallows the lump in his throat...was he really staring at Killua like that? Like he loves him? Killua's reaction to him makes something ache in him.

"Killua stop being mean to Grace!" Alluka hits her brother, glaring at him. "She's really nice! And she's going to the hunter's ball too!-"

"You're a hunter?" Killua raises his eyebrow, He's sneering at him, doubting him. "What, are you the daughter of a hunter?"

"What makes you think I'm not a hunter?" Gon counters, gripping his fists, glaring at Killua. The ex assassin blinks at the look Gon is giving him. There's a ringing in his head and he winces.

"Because if you were, you'd be the type to stalk." Killua shakes his head.

"Brother." Alluka glares. "She wouldn't stalk you. Grace is really nice. It's not her fault that you look like this. All the girls fall for you and you're so mean. Grace is going to get ready with us to go to the ball!-"

"No. We're not taking her to where we're staying. Absolutely not." Killua gives his sister a firm look.

"But Grace is my friend-"

"No. You can see Grace at the ball." Killua turns those cold eyes on Gon. He smirks, Gon's heart beating faster with him being so close. Gon reaches out to touch Killua only for his eyes to widen when Killua smacks his hand away. It stings. "Don't be so pushy. No guy likes that. You might have a pretty face but i'm not interested in sluts. So if you're trying to get closer to me through my sister, you're wasting your time." Killua whispers so Alluka can't hear.

Gon is speechless again. Killua has never talked to him like this. Ever. He's never spoke so meanly too him either. "I want to spend time with Alluka."Gon finds himself saying. Killua stares at him a moment before sighing.

"Well then I guess we'll be seeing you at the ball Grace. Come on Alluka." Killua grabs his sister's hand before he marches off with her. Alluka turns to look back at Gon, smiling apologetic.

"Bye Grace! See you at the ball! I'm sorry about my brother!" She waves. Gon waves after her numbly.

He stands there, still staring after where Killua was. He was right within reach but...he felt so far away. Farther than when Gon was just sending him messages. Gon couldn't even tell him who he was but the way Killua looked at him...that's not how Gon wanted their reunion to go.

Gon's eyes water, his chest heaving. He turns on his heel and runs as fast as he can back to the hotel. He's not surprised to find Micky waiting for him, sitting on the bed. "You're the reason aren't you? That I couldn't tell Killua who I was?" Gon breaths rapidly, a lump in his throat.

"I couldn't let you. He's going to be in the ball. I don't need him ruining our plans."

"Killua wouldn't! He wouldn't tell anyone-"

"Gon...or should I say Grace? You can not tell him, not in till Rose is captured." Micky's expression gets dark when Gon is about to protest. "He didn't even recognize you. What's the point in you getting all worked up over this? This guy hasn't been texting you for years. What makes you think he'll be so happy to see you?"

Gon's breath catches in his throat. He tries to think of anything to say to that. Anything at all. "Killua...Killua wants to see me-"

"Please. You're so in denial." Micky rolls his eyes. " It's pathetic really."

Gon flinches at the word pathetic, remembering Killua's words. Gon opens his mouth to say something but he can't. He just stares at the floor, his eyebrows furrowed, that lump in his throat growing.

"Maybe I am." Gon looks up at Micky. "...But I still want to talk to Killua. If I can't talk to him as Gon, i'll talk to him as Grace. Because...he's my best friend." Gon's voice breaks. "I'm going to take a shower."

Gon walks into the bathroom and shuts the door behind him. He gets in the tub and just hugs his knees to his chest. When he gets bad like this he needs a little time out. He needs to get away.

Gon just can't believe it.

Gon use to stay up just imagining Their reunion. He pictured Killua hugging him and smiling at him. He pictured them racing and playing like they use to. He pictured nice words being exchanged and a mutual relief that they're back together.

That's not what Gon got. There was no smiling or hugging. Just this coldness. Gon has been wanting this moment for so long and now that it's here, Gon has never felt so alone. Maybe it would have been better if Gon never saw Killua. At least then he could pretend. He could pretend that Killua reads his messages and that he cares about what he's been doing. But after seeing him in person...seeing how well off Killua is without him, how much stronger he's gotten...it's obvious to him now.

Killua doesn't need him. Doesn't want him.

The tears fall down Gon's cheeks, his shoulders shaking in silence. It hurts. Because Gon isn't okay without Killua. He's not okay being away from him. All he does is think about Killua and what' he's done. Everything he does he wants to share with Killua. He's missed him so much and now that he's here, now that Gon's finally seen the boy he's been thinking about non stop...

Everything is falling apart.

Alluka and Killua are closer than ever. They've been fine together. Killua doesn't need him. He doesn't want him. He has someone to share his experiences with. He has someone to care for him...

Gon is left with no one.

Gon only lets himself cry for a little while, only lets himself sit in this tub and self loath for a moment before he pulls himself together. He gets out of the tub, wipes at his eyes, surprised that the contacts stayed in.

Maybe Gon is dead to Killua. Maybe right now, Gon can't get to Killua. But Grace can. She can hang out with Alluka and be around Killua. Even if Killua finds him annoying, at least he's around him again. Gon glares at himself, his eyes becoming filled with determination. He has a job to do. He's Gon Freecss. He's not going to break down. No.

"Micky." Gon walks out of the bathroom, smiling at Micky who raises his eyebrow at him from the 360 in mood.

"Teach me how to be more like a woman."

* * *

 **There you go! Hope you enjoyed it and thank you for all the support! Till next time.**


	3. Chapter 3

"First things first I'm a realist." Micky chuckles when Gon gives him a confused look. "Sorry I had to do that. Now first things first, lets try to do that exercise again, without the distractions of Killua and Alluka."

"You mean the flirting exercise?" Gon tilts his head, trying to hide the slight flinching he did at the mention of Killua. He left all those feelings in the bathroom. Now is the time to get serious about his work. Gon who has been a man for his whole life needs to learn how to be a woman.

"Yup. I'm going to try something that you're going to see a lot. I want you to giggle in a flirty way. You're going to be using that a lot." Micky grabs Gon's wrist and leads him over to the side to get away from the crowd.

"So I just giggle?" Gon raises his eyebrow when Micky walks pass him only to turn around, his eyes widening.

"Damn girl you so fine." Micky winks. Gon is suppose to giggle right?

"Hahahaha."

"...What the fuck was that?"

"I giggled like you said."

"That wasn't a giggle. That wasn't a flirty cute laugh that was a 'i'm going to murder you in your sleep' kind of laugh. I've heard you giggle before, don't force it so much."

"It's hard to giggle when I wouldn't normally giggle." Gon frowns.

"Try it like this." Micky covers his mouth, giggling, batting his long eye lashes at Gon.

"Hahahaha." Gon bats his eyelashes owlishly.

"Damn that's terrifying."

"I'm sorry! I'm trying!"

Micky sighs before he comes closer till he's standing right in front of Gon, towering over him. Gon looks up at him as Micky touches his waist. Micky tickles his side getting Gon to sputter in laughter, a giggle escaping him soon after. "S-Stop!" Gon pushes Micky away playfully.

"That's it! That's your giggle! Now try without me tickling you." Micky chuckles at Gon's reaction. "So lets try again. Damn girl you so fine." Micky winks, his expression becoming flirty.

Gon giggles, covering his mouth like Micky did.

"That's it. You got it." Micky grins, patting Gon on the shoulder.

"Yeah that sounded pretty cute." Gon chuckles, scratching his cheek. Liking the praise.

"Now try your flirting techniques on that guy over there who's sitting alone." Micky points over to a guy sitting next to the fountain. "Compliment his appearance, touch him as much as you can, bat your eyelashes. Just do your thing." Micky gives Gon a thumbs up.

Gon nods his head before he walks over to the man, feeling his chest swell up with determination. Gon isn't going to spend his nights just thinking about Killua. He's going to finish this job. He's going to learn how to be...Grace. So for how long it takes, he's Grace. Hes' not longer Gon freecss who fought the ants, who hurt his friend, who Killua wants nothing to do with.

Gon hates how his heart aches.

"Hello sir." Gon smiles at this man who was reading a book. He looks up and blinks. He looks Gon up and down, his face getting flushed.

"Y-Yeah hi."

"What you reading?" Gon sits next to him, leaning closer, dipping in just the way Micky taught him that will let someone taller see down his shirt though Gon feels a bit dirty doing this, he can tell it has affected this man because his face has become redder and there's a slight tremble to his hands.

"Uh...just something for class. It's not cool. Boring you know?" This man shrugs his shoulders but it's more of a jerk.

"You have pretty eyes." Gon touches this guy's shoulder, moving closer. "Hey minster, would you like to see my hotel room?" Gon also learned that from Micky.

"Your h-hotel room?" This man swallows, looking at Gon, those green eyes looking down, following the curves of Gon's waist to his plump ass he's sitting on. "I can't. I h-have a test coming up." This man looks back at his book quickly. Gon frowns, pulling away- _Don't give up._ Gon blinks, looking over at Micky who is watching from a distance, giving him a 'go on' motion. Gon's still not sure how he can speak in his mind but he's sure it has something to do with the change he's done to his body.

"Please? We could have a lot of fun." Gon pouts, batting his eyelashes.

"Yeah?" The man peeks from his book to look over at Gon. When he sees his face, he flushes. "I mean...y-yeah. I want to see your hotel-" He closes his book and wraps an arm around Gon, he blinks at the contact and how close this stranger is. Did he do it?

"Yo what you doing with my girl?" Gon looks over at Micky who has just marched over, glaring at this man who retracts his arm quickly.

"Y-Your girl? She's the one who started talking to me-"

"Your arm was around my girls' waist." Micky grabs Gon by the wrist and pulls him up to his chest, wrapping an arm around his waist protectively, glaring. "I see you around my baby again i'm going to fill a pillow case with potatoes and beat the shit out of you with it."

"Micky!" Gon gasps, feeling bad for the guy who's turned pale. Micky starts pulling Gon away from the man through the crowd. "Why'd you do that?"

"So you didn't have to actually take him to your hotel anddd I just wanted to do it. Did you see his face? That was hilarious." Micky chuckles before he smiles at Gon. "You did it! You were still a little shaky but that was good."

"Yeah I did do it." Gon beams, feeling a bit proud to have successfully flirted with a guy.

"Lets get you that ice cream huh Grace?" Micky grins, keeping his arm around Gon's waist as he walks with him towards an ice cream shop. "I still owe you one."

"You do. I'm going to get strawberry!" Gon beams.

"I'm going to get chocolate." Micky licks his lips. Gon's smile falls a bit, those blue eyes flashing through his head. Gon shakes his head. He can't keep doing this. Micky must have caught his frown because he's no longer smiling himself. "...So that white haired guy was Killua huh? The one you've been texting non stop?" Gon nods, not saying much more. "I have to say, I think you could do better."

"Huh?" Gon blinks, looking at Micky who is smiling at him. It's a soft sort of smile Gon hasn't seen on Micky.  
"You could defiantly do better than that guy. He's got that bad boy vibe and yeah he's kind of hot but he also looked like a pain in the ass." Micky stops walking when they get to the ice cream shop. "You're cool Gon. You're sexy. If he wants to treat you like that, fuck him." Micky looks over at Gon, touching his cheek, Gon's eyes still wide from his words. "Don't let him make this pretty face cry again okay?"

So Micky knew he was crying? Gon's chest tightens at the other man's concern. "Killua isn't bad...he just...you know... He thought I was a fan girl. He didn't know it was me." Gon doesn't know what he's trying to say. He wants to defend Killua and maybe if Micky had said this before Gon met Killua again he would have been glaring and protective of his best friend but now...it's hard. Gon is hurt.

"Turn your sadness into anger." Micky turns away from Gon. "That's what he deserves."

Gon stares at Micky for a moment, thinking of his words. He doesn't feel angry though. He feels hurt and upset. His own little world has been popped and now he has to face reality. The reality that Killua moved on from him. That he doesn't want him. Doesn't need him. Maybe Killua never needed Gon. Maybe Gon always needed him.

"One strawberry ice cream cone for you." Gon blinks when Micky holds out an ice cream cone, grinning at him. Gon must have spaced out. He didn't even see him go up to buy it.

"Thanks." Gon smiles, taking it from Micky. They walk over to a bench and sit down together. Gon gets to work on his ice cream cone, enjoying the cold desert on his hot tongue. It comforts him. Gon wishes he could push all this to the back of his mind but it's getting harder. He just doesn't understand. If Killua didn't want anything to do with him, why didn't he just say so? Why didn't Killua tell him to stop messaging him? Why did Killua give him false hope? Why talk to him for 2 years and then stop?

There's so many questions and Gon wants answers.

"You look like you're about to bust a brain vessel." Micky's voice breaks Gon out of his thoughts. He looks over at Micky who is licking his chocolate ice cream, his eyes closed before he opens them, looking at Gon with those dark blue eyes.

"Micky, do you have a childhood friend?" Gon can't help to ask, licking at his strawberry ice cream.

"Can't say I do. I had my brother." Micky's expression changes, those blue eyes darker before he smiles. "We use to do everything together. So I guess he was like a childhood friend. We explored this forest in the back of our house all the time."

"That sounds like fun." Gon smiles. "I've always wanted a brother."

"I didn't like him when I was real young though." Micky chuckles. "We use to fight all the time. I remember pushing him down and then he bit me. He was the closest thing to a friend I had back then."

"Where's your brother now?" Gon catches the slight tensing of his jaw.

"He's dead." Micky smiles. Gon stares at him, a bit taken off guard before he frowns deeply.

"Oh."

"Nothing lasts forever, Gon." Micky puts a hand on Gon's shoulder, his ice cream momentarily forgotten. "Friendships don't last. All we can do is keep moving forward. We have to move on. If you don't, you drive yourself mad. I know this Killua is important to you. I know you want to talk to him. But he's dead to you. Make new friends and leave him behind just like he's left you. You can't keep looking back when you're driving on the highway. Time doesn't stop for no one."

Gon swallows thickly at Micky's words. He knows he's right. Gon has been living in the past for too long. He's been pretending everything is fine and that him and Killua were as close as ever. He's been tricking himself. But it's hard to move on. Gon's not even sure if he can. "I know...Maybe it would be easier to move on if I knew why Killua doesn't want me." Gon goes back to eating his ice cream.

"I think you should tell him off. You still have your phone. You can still message him as Gon. I would tell him that you're not going to talk to him anymore, that you're sick of being treated this way. How Killua responds should help you in moving on or maybe it will get him to stop being such an ass hole and apologize." Micky shrugs his shoulders, finishing up his ice cream cone.

"...I don't have that urge to message him like I did. All the joy I had sending pictures and texting him, telling him about my day, has left. Maybe I should tell him how i'm feeling." Gon nods his head, finishing his ice cream, licking what melted on his hand off.

"Good. Now enough of this deep stuff! It's giving me a headache." Micky chuckles as he stands up. He holds out his hand for Gon to take and he does. Gon chuckles when Micky spins him around in a circle. Micky is fun to be around. "Now we got to work on those dance moves. You're going to be wigging out tonight." Micky wiggles his eyebrows. Gon can't help to chuckle, trying to imitate Micky's eyebrows only to fail miserably, Micky snickering. "Madam, leave the eyebrow wiggling to the professionals."

"You're a professional eyebrow wiggler?"

"Hell yeah I am." Micky smirks. "Lets stop talking about how awesome I am and focus on you for a minute. Have you ever slow danced before?"

"I think once." Gon thinks back to his many dates. He's sure one of them he took a girl out dancing.

"Good." Micky wraps his arm around Gon's waist, grabbing his other hand, pulling Gon against his chest. "You probably know how to lead, you're going to have to follow me." Micky starts to sway with Gon, it's a bit awkward at first but soon Gon is swaying easily with him, stepping with him. When he steps on his foot, Micky winces. "Watch your feet."

"Sorry." Gon smiles sheepishly before they start up again. A couple of people are watching them just dancing in the middle of the street with no music but Gon is focused on Micky's feet. They keep waltzing in a circle. As Micky dips him and spins him around...Gon can't help to chuckle. This is fun. It's a nice distraction. Learning how to flirt and dance with Micky.

Micky leans close, a deep chuckle leaving his lips, those dark eyes peering at him through long eyelashes. Gon feels his heart beat faster and he becomes very aware of Micky's hand on his waist. Gon has noticed it before but in this moment, Micky looks pretty, handsome. Gon finds that he likes being held by him. Micky is enjoying his company, unlike a certain someone. Gon pushes Killua to the back of his mind and once he gets back into the dancing, he even over powers Micky, leading the waltz, and dipping the other man, getting Micky's eyes to widen and he chuckles, his face becoming a bit pink.

Gon likes dancing with Micky.

* * *

"Wow!" Gon's eyes widen as he looks at himself in the mirror, taking in his rosy cheeks, his eyelashes that look even longer than before and the dark line around his eye, making his green eyes pop out. "It looks really good Micky. Where did you learn to put makeup on?"

"Practice." Micky winks. "I use to drag all the time. How do you think I'm so good at being a woman?" Micky pokes out his hip before snapping his fingers. "I'm a diva."

"Drag?" Gon blinks.

"Dress like a woman." Micky licks his lips. "Maybe some time I should dress up for you. Show you how I work it."

"Sure." Gon chuckles before looking at himself in the mirror. Gon looks beautiful. The makeup works with his features well and Micky curled his hair making it look bouncy. Gon smiles and giggles shaking his head to sway his hair. "Long hair isn't so bad." There was that one time where he despised his long hair, his long black locks filling him with guilt and disgust. But now, these long black curled locks give him a sense of beauty.

"Yeah you look gorgeous babe." Micky grins. "Now it's time to put on your dress." Micky opens up the closest before pulling out a long puffy green dress with white bows. Gon's eyes widen and he gets up, feeling excited.

"That' looks so pretty!" Gon shifts from foot the foot. "Awww I want to show Mito this dress! She would love it!" Gon wishes he still had his picture phone. He wonders what Mito would think. Gon chuckles thinking about her expression.

"Mito?" Micky raises his eyebrow.

"My aunt." Gon smiles as he walks up to the dress, touching the pretty clothe with his hands. Alluka is going to look like a princess and so is Gon. Maybe it's strange how excited he's getting but this is kind of nice. Having someone play with your hair and pamper you, it's a good feeling. Being a woman is fun. Gon still misses his manhood but being like this isn't so bad.

"Alright i'm just going to warn you that this is going to be tight. Take off your bra." Micky starts to untie the dress. Gon looks down at the blue bra he's wearing. He had taken off his shirt when Micky started on his hair so he wouldn't mess it up when he took the shirt off. Gon has tried not to look too much at his breasts. It's still strange having such large mounds on his chest and they're so soft and heavy.

Gon reaches behind him, trying to unhook the thing. His eyebrows furrow and he quickly becomes frustrated. "Micky can you help me?"

"Course." Micky gets behind him and unhooks it easily. Gon sighs in relief, taking the bra off feels like releasing something. It feels more comfortable without one. The straps were digging into his shoulder. "Step into the dress." Micky lets the dress pool on the floor, holding the edges. Gon puts his hands on Micky's shoulders for leverage as he steps in the dress carefully. Micky pulls the dress up stopping when the dress covers his chest. "Hold this here. I'm going to tighten the dress in the back."

Gon grabs the dress to keep it covering his chest. He lets Micky get behind him and soon the dress is being tighten against his body, hugging his curves. Gon's breathing becomes harder when the dress tightens over his ribs, squeezing him, mashing his breasts. "A-Ah it's tight. Hard to breathe." Gon takes a deep breath trying to get air.

"Suck it up honey. Everyone is going to be wearing a corset." Micky grunts as he loosens the dress up just a tiny bit before he ties the dress.

"Girls where this kind of thing? Why?" Gon takes a deep breath, turning to look at himself in the mirror. He blinks. The dress looks beautiful but it's pushing up his boobs making them look even bigger and noticeable. Gon looks even smaller and his curves are pronounced.

"That's why." Micky smirks pointing at Gon's chest. "These kind of dresses make even the smallest tits look big and they make you look more curvy and smaller than you actually are." Micky feels on his own sides, looking in the mirror before sighing.

"How am I suppose to bend down?" Gon tries to bend forward but he doesn't' get very far and it feels like the dress is squeezing tighter in his ribs.

"You're not."

"But...how am I going to fight in this? It constricts my movements and this long dress will get in the way when I'm trying to run-"

"Exactly." Micky grins, getting Gon to blink at him. "No one who was planning on fighting someone would wear this. You are making Rose think you're a vulnerable young woman remember? This dress is all the style and it's just for that, style. You're suppose to get kidnapped so there's no need to run. When the time comes to fight just rip this dress right off."

"Aw but it's such a pretty dress even though it feels like it's suffocating me slowly." Gon frowns looking at himself in the mirror. Despite how uncomfortable it is, the dress looks really nice on him. He really wants to take a picture of himself and send it to his aunt but he has to keep this change a secret. Even from Mito right now.

"Don't worry about it. You'll have more chances to wear pretty dresses. I'm going to have to go shopping for some new cute clothes soon." Micky hums, staring at Gon. "Do a little twirl for me." Gon does just that, chuckling when the dress fans out. That's fun to do. "Nice. You're just his type." Micky's eyes get darker before he grins. "So lets go over the plan alright? Now that you're all ready for the dance and you know the basics for slow dancing, the only thing left is touching up on that flirt game and acting like a weak woman."

"I thought I was doing good with flirting?" Gon stops twirling around in a circle to look at Micky.

"Yes but..." Micky thinks for a moment before waving his hand. "Okay. Pretend I'm Rose. How are you going to approach getting my attention?"

"Hi my name is Grace-"

"No. Do not just come up to Rose and start introducing yourself. If you recognize him right away and move to speak to him, he will be suspicious. You must mingle with others in the hunter ball, make him think you're here to enjoy the ball, not see him."

"Oh...Well when should I approach him?"

"Wait for him to approach you." Micky watches as Gon's eyebrows furrow. "I promise you, if you mingle with others, and dance, twirling your dress like you've been doing, he will come to you. Flirt with other guys too. Then he'll think you're here to flirt with anyone and not just trying to get his attention."

"Okay." Gon nods his head, feeling his determination flare up. He's ready to work. He's ready to get this Rose too. Any Hunter who uses his license to steel the freedom of others doesn't deserve his license or the freedom he has himself. Gon blinks when he realizes something. "I don't know what Rose looks like."

"I'm not going to tell you. If I do, you'll be looking for his description subconsciously. So when you first get into the ball, just enjoy yourself. I'll let you know when it's time to make your move or when to get closer."

"but what if I approach Rose to flirt and I don't even know it's him?" Gon frowns, not liking he doesn't know what he's looking for.

"Trust me. Rose isn't going to be with all the hunters at first. He's going to be watching from the balcony. He'll move down once he feels more comfortable. Just put your faith in me. I won't let you screw this up. Just keep being adorable and this plan will work."

"If you say so but I still think I should know what he looks like."

"Now lets talk about some things that you don't want to do." Micky ignores his comment. "Since you're a hot babe with huge tits and a nice ass, you're going to have some haters. I'm talking mostly about the the other female population. I don't know what kind of people are going to be at this hunter's ball but if some girls are hating, don't get in a cat fight even though I know it's hard not to slap a bitch-"

"Haters?"

"They jealous of that bod."

"Oh. Kind of like that guy that got jealous because his girlfriend was flirting with me." Gon scratches his cheek. "I wouldn't fight someone for 'hating' then."

"Yeah but they might try to fight you-"

"Then I'll just restrain them-"

"No. This goes for guys too. If a guy or girl tries to harm you during the hunters ball, you don't fight them or restrain them. You act as if you're afraid. You try to get away from the situation. Your nen isn't as controlled as you would like. Don't get angry and don't let your emotions get out of whack. I know Killua is going to be there and you're going to talk to him. Don't get too upset. If you do, walk away. Your nen could come out from the lack of use during the time you didn't have your nen. If you use nen, Rose will be alerted that you are threat and if you use nen i'm sure there's a chance that Killua will be able to tell who you are."

Gon takes in everything Micky just said. He can't fight at all? He's suppose to act as if he's afraid? He can't stand up for himself? It's true that his nen isn't as controlled as it was when he was younger but would his nen really come out if he got too upset and angry?...Yes it would. And Killua would know it's him. Even though it's been forever, he's sure Killua still remembers the feel of his nen. Killua isn't one to forget things.

"Do you really think i'd have trouble with girls and guys trying to fight me at the ball?"

"Maybe. I'm just telling you this for as you are Grace. You can't be a super star hunter as Grace. Grace is not a hunter like Gon freecss is. She is a normal young woman. When you fight Rose away from everyone, you are back to Gon freecss and you will destroy him. But Grace is weak. Think of yourself as a different person when in public. Grace is your mask."

Gon frowns. He doesn't like that. Gon is still Gon. Grace is still Gon too. He doesn't want to wear a mask. He doesn't want to pretend to be weak when he isn't. He hates weakness. Weakness feels horrible. Weakness caused his tears during the ant attack, made it so he couldn't beat Knuckle, made it so he couldn't fight with Kite. Weakness is why he lost Killua because he couldn't be strong when he thought he lost Kite. Weakness is why he's in this situation now. He couldn't get his nen back by himself and now here he is, a woman who needs to pretend to be something he's not.

Gon has worked on becoming stronger. Woman or not, he's still Gon and the idea of acting weak makes his skin crawl. Why does Grace have to be weak? Though in the back of his mind Gon understands. Grace has to be weak so others will not consider her a threat. It's like the saying goes..

Gon will be a wolf hiding in sheep skin.

"I'm not saying you're weak Gon. You and I know that Grace is very strong. You just like have to act like she isn't." Micky watches as Gon nods.

"Yeah...I don't like it but I understand it."

"Lets try something, a little exercise. I'm going to be girl who's going to be hating on you okay? And you're going to have to deal with me." Micky gives Gon a thumbs up before he turns his back to him. Gon raises his eyebrow when Micky turns around, poking his hip out, looking him up and down with this look of disgust. "Ew. That dress makes you look like a fat cow. Why are your boobs so big? You already have a kid? Please take those fake ass nails and get out of my face."

"I'm not in your face." Gon tilts his head. "And my nails aren't fake and I know I don't look big in this dress. I haven't had a kid yet, my boobs are just big-"

"That dress makes you look like a slut, for Halloween make sure to dress as something you're not honey." Gon flinches at Micky calling him a slut, remembering Killua doing the same thing.

"I'm not a slut." Gon glares, feeling a flare of anger.

"Nope." Micky shakes his head, getting out of character. "That look in your eye. It looked like you wanted to hurt me."

"I didn't really want to hurt you..." Gon rubs the back of his head.

"When something gets you angry, just walk away." Micky makes a go away motion so Gon starts walking away. "Yeah that's right, walk away, blah blah blah i'm a dumb bitch, blah blah. And that's pretty much what a hater girl will do."

"I don't think there are girls like that Micky. I haven't met any like that. You were being mean for no reason."

"There are defiantly girls like that. You haven't seen it because you're a dude and they probably wanted your dick. But now that you're Grace, you're going to see the ugly side of some chicks. Not all but there are girls like this."

"Do you really think they would be at the ball?"

"Don't know but i'm just getting you prepared for real life." Micky thinks to himself before he grins. "Okay now i'm going to come at you like I'm a drunk guy. React as you think 'Grace' should." Micky turns his back to Gon, taking a deep breath before he turns around. Gon watches as Micky starts to stumble towards him, his eyes half lidded. "Heyyy girl! You look fine as-" Micky burps in Gon's face getting his nose to wrinkle. "-Shit. Let me get yo number."

"Uh..." Gon blinks, not sure what to do. He can't help to chuckle at Micky acting so funny, not minding the other male hanging on him like he is.

"Mmm lets go back to my place and get it on...like forever." Micky grabs Gon's ass getting him to tense at the hand on him firmly.

"Micky stop." Gon pushes him away, not too roughly a bit playfully.

"You push a drunk guy like that, he'll think you're flirting with him." Micky talks normally, wiggling his eyebrows at Gon. "It's okay to flirt with me but you know."

"Who said I was flirting with you." Gon grins when Micky smirks at him. "I was just pushing a drunk guy who was trying to feel me up away."

"Hmm I suppose you were." Micky chuckles, those blue eyes staring at Gon for a moment. He blinks before he scratches his cheek. "S-So yeah. Drunk guy gets on you, try to get him off of you and walk away. You'll be walking away a lot. I'm sure that some hunters wouldn't stand to see someone in need." Micky wraps his arm around Gon, grinning. "you ready for this, 'Grace'?"

Gon doesn't like a lot of this. He doesn't like having to be someone he isn't. But the dress is pretty. And He has to be Grace for this job and this is work. He might have to deal with the feelings that are associated with Killua but he can do this. He'll have fun at this ball and he'll focus on his work. He'll be Grace and get close to Killua with how he can. He'll dance and use what he's learned for Micky.

He'll have to try to leave Gon freecss behind, all the feelings and guilt he has as Gon and become Grace. What kind of hunter would he be if he couldn't do that much.

* * *

"Wow!" Gon stares wide eyed at the large building that stands before him. It reminds him of the building they had the auction in all those years ago. He can hear the bass from here from the music playing in the ball. The windows showing bright colors that shine in the darken night. There's so many people who are piling in and Gon finds that he's being push along with the crowd, not able to stop and stare for too long. Micky had dropped him off a couple of blocks back before driving off. Gon's glad he can speak to him through his head. He has no idea how they would communicate other wise.

Once Gon makes his way into the building and into the dancing hall, Gon is blown away. The dancing hall is large with many people talking and smiling. The music that's playing doesn't match how elegant this looks. They're playing pop songs of today when this place with the chandelier and big puffy dresses makes him feel like violin music should be playing.

Okay so he's suppose to be mingling first. Don't even worry about the mission yet. Have fun. Act like he's here just to be here. Gon looks around for someone to talk to, only for his eyes to find someone who's familiar. Gon's eyes widen at seeing that bald head and that confident smirk as he takes a sip of what looks to be punch. Gon feels his chest tighten up in excitement and he can't stop himself.

"Hanzo! Hi!" Gon cheers, waving his hands in the air as he runs over towards Hanzo, almost tripping over his long dress.

The ninja blinks, turning around, his eyes getting wide and slight flush to his face that he quickly hides. "Do I know you?"

"Eh? Yeah it's me-" Gon stops, his mind finally catching up with him. Damn it. He got so excited from seeing Hanzo that he forgot what he was doing, who he's suppose to be. Gon swallows, straightening himself out. "G-Grace." Gon smiles, knowing Hanzo has not once in his life met someone named Grace and he's going to question him.

"Grace? Where have I seen you before? You do look familiar." Hanzo blinks, looking Gon up and down before he straightens himself out, rubbing the back of his head.

"It was a long time ago." Gon tries to wave his hand to wave this off but Hanzo keeps staring at him and Gon has no idea what to do.

"I couldn't have forgotten a face like yours." Hanzo smiles, moving a bit closer. "Are you a hunter? Or a family member of one?"

"Um...A family member?" Gon smiles kindly when Hanzo hands him a cup of punch he just poured. Grace isn't suppose to be strong so...no hunter. His lips tingle from his lie.

"Are you perhaps the daughter of the man I saved so long ago? You have his green eyes... ?" Hanzo is looking at him so intently. Gon takes a sip of the punch.

"No I don't think so." Gon scratches his cheek. He can't think of why Grace would meet Hanzo. _Tell him you met him at one of your modeling shows_. "Um...you were at one of my modeling shows."

"Really? I have been to quiet a few shows. You know I love showing my support to the lovely ladies and to you." Hanzo's smile is a bit strange. He's a bit close too. Gon's smile falls slightly. _Uh oh. This guy is about to creep on you._ "Even a ninja with my years of training couldn't resist such a pretty woman like yourself-" Gon is feeling more uncomfortable by the minute.

"Grace!" Gon can't help to sigh in relief and turn towards the familiar voice. Gon smiles brightly when he sees Alluka running towards him with her large puffy pink dress on. She looks adorable. Her blue eyes so bright and her skin flawless. "You look so beautiful! Wow!" Alluka squeals when she gets to Gon, grabbing him by the wrists, hopping on her shoes, her eyes are sparkling. "That dress goes great with your eyes!"

"You look gorgeous Alluka! Like a true princess! I got goosebumps just looking at you!" Gon giggles, feeling giddy as he spins Alluka around, her dress fanning in that fun way.

"R-Really? Thanks, i'm nothing compared to you though Grace-"

"Don't even. Alluka looks super cute!"Gon loves the way her eyes light up. It's nice being able to share this with someone, freaking out about dresses. Alluka is a good person. Gon doesn't dislike her. He's never disliked her even though she became his replacement. When Killua was leaving with Alluka, he looked so happy. He had his sister and Gon felt that happiness, even if it didn't involve him. Why would Killua stay with him anyway? Why would he have wanted him to come along? After his actions...Gon is starting to believe Killua never forgave him.

Gon's just happy he can feel like he's a part of the group again. That he's connected with Killua. He always wanted to go with him and Alluka. Gon never had the thought of Alluka leaving the group. He just wanted them all to travel together. Gon didn't expect that he would have been left behind.

"hehe." Alluka giggles, her face flushed, but her eyes keep shinning.

"Oi Killua! Long time no see!" Hanzo's comment gets Gon to look behind Alluka and sure enough, there's Killua. The young hunter has his hands in his suit's pockets, watching Gon and Alluka before looking over at Hanzo and grinning at him. Gon's heart picks up speed at seeing Killua in a black and white suit, his hair combed and puffy and cute. Killua looks so handsome. It reminds him of when they dressed up when they were trying to get Greed island.

"Yeah, about four years." Killua doesn't look at Gon.

"Do you guys know Grace?" Hanzo smiles over at Gon getting him to flinch slightly when Killua looks over at him with this annoyed look.

"Unfortunately yes. What, is she bothering you too?"

"We know Grace! She's so nice." Alluka cheers, contradicting her brother.

"She's not bothering me. Killua don't be rude to the lady, she's just the sweetest thing."

"She is!" Alluka agrees.

"You're just saying that Hanzo because you're into her rack."

"K-Killua!" Hanzo chokes on his drink, his face getting slightly flushed.

"You know it's true." Killua grunts. When Hanzo gets more flustered, Gon is starting to think it is true.

Gon is starting to feel that flare of anger at Killua but instead of walking away like he's suppose to, he bites his lip. He's not going to let Killua get the better of him. Gon decides to play into Hanzo liking his chest, just like Micky taught him.

"That's okay. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. I'm a free spirit." Gon winks at Hanzo, and it feels so weird. Especially when Hanzo looks like he's about to die of a nose bleed.

"Gross." Killua wrinkles his nose.

"Don't be jealous Killua." Gon waves his finger in the air, it's too much in a teasing way and he's quick to put his finger away when Killua's eyes flash.

"Jealous of what? I can tell you that not a single fuck will be given. You're just a insecure girl who uses her chest to get her attention from men. It doesn't work on me." Gon feels his anger well up.

"Okayyy." Hanzo rubs the back of his head. "So what have you been doing Killua?" Hanzo changes the subject. Gon's anger stops at the question and he looks at Killua expectantly. That's what he's been wondering too.

"Nothing much. I've been traveling with Alluka, did a couple odd ball hunter jobs here and there." Killua shrugs his shoulders. Gon wanted more then that.

"What about Gon?" Hanzo asks. Gon sees the way Killua's shoulders stiffen. "What's he been up to? Do you know if he's going to be here tonight? I'd like to see how much he's grown."

"I doubt he'll be here tonight. He didn't say anything about coming." Killua waves his hand. Gon hears himself swallow. Is he just guessing? Or does he know that because he's been looking at his messages? "Gon has been doing hunters jobs and stuff like that. Being reckless, the usual." Killua's lips turn in what could be a smile as he closes his eyes and puts his arms behind his head. Gon stares at Killua, his heart beating faster.

Did he just guess what Gon's been doing or...has he been reading his messages? Gon wants to ask. He wants to shout. He wants to know. If Killua has been reading his messages then why hasn't he been talking to him? Why did he just...stop?

"Gon...that name sounds familiar." Gon can't stop himself. He needs to know more. Grace can get him more information. Killua tenses when Gon speaks and he can tell by the look Killua is giving him he's not going to respond nicely.

"I bet he does! He's a famous hunter just like big brother." Alluka smiles.

"Yeah you probably heard of him on the news. He was one of the hunters who fought against the chimera ants." Hanzo grins and Gon feels his stomach twist. Yes. His actions in those times will always follow him. Haunt him.

"Oh yeah now I remember! You two know him personally?! Are you guys close friends with Gon?" Gon looks at Hanzo first before looking at Killua. Killua's jaw is clenched, his eyes doing that shifting when he's restless.

"Killua is closer to him than I was! We've known him about the same time but he defiantly spent more time with him. Killua fought with him against the ants too."

"Wow! That's amazing! What's Gon like? I would love to meet him-"

"I bet you would." Killua's voice is strained. If not a bit defensive.

"Gon is a ball of energy. Once you meet the guy, you can't forget him." Hanzo cuts in, grinning. "We were all in the hunters exam together and I had to fight him to get my license. This guy, no matter what I did, he wouldn't give up. I broke his arm and even when I tried to quit, he didn't want that either. He wanted me to make it a way where he would feel better about winning. I still laugh when I think back on it."

"Wow." Gon can't help to chuckle thinking back on it too. He didn't like Hanzo giving him the win. But now that he's older looking back on it, he finds it funny too. He got his hunter's license in a not so awesome way but he's gotten stronger since then. "I really hope he comes here. I'd love to meet this guy! Do you guys keep in contact with him? Maybe you could text him to come here!"

"I don't have his number but I know Killua does." Hanzo nods over at Killua. Alluka sighs when Killua looks annoyed.

"If he's going to show up, he's just going to show up. I'm not going to ask him to come here just because you want to see him."

"Don't you want to see him too?" Gon can't help to press. Maybe he's stepping out of bounds but his heart...

Killua's eyes flash and he whips his head over at Gon. He stares at Gon for a long moment, those blue eyes a storm of conflicting emotions but it's gone so fast. Now Killua is just looking at him blankly. "I've seen him recently. I don't need to see him again." Liar. Gon feels his heart clench and he wants to call Killua out on his lie. He feels his stomach twist. Killua is lying to his face. It's been four years. That's not recently.

Alluka frowns at her brother. "Big brother..." The tone of her voice, Gon knows Alluka knows Killua is lying as well.

"Oh. Recently huh? I guess there is no reason to see him. That's too bad." Gon's surprised by how steady his voice is. He really should walk away.

"It really is. Maybe he'll show up? Who knows. Gon is full of surprises." Hanzo grins over at Gon before he looks at Killua. "Is Leorio or Kurapika coming?"

"Nah I texted the old man and Kurapika. Kurapika never answers." He cant text them but not Gon? Why? Gon swallows that lump in his throat only to blink when he fees Alluka grab his wrist, starting to pull him away. Gon lets her. He doesn't want to be around Killua right now.

"Listening to those two talking is going to get boring. Will you dance with me Grace?" Alluka pulls them a safe distance away, her smile sweet.

"Of course." Gon smiles, feeling better already that he's away from Killua. Alluka starts to sway her hips to the beat, Gon doesn't know this song but he doesn't mind it. Gon tries to shake his hips with her but the dress makes it hard to move. "Ack this dress is horrible I can barely move."

"Yeah but you look great." Alluka giggles. "My dress is hard to move in too." Alluka smiles as she looks around. "I can't believe i'm here at a Ball. I've always had dreams about this. Being in a big puffy dress like this, dancing around like in those movies with princes." Alluka smile falls slightly. "I doubt anyone would ask me to dance though. It looks like most of the people here are already taken or married."

"Hey Alluka." Gon doesn't like seeing how her smile starts to fall. He grabs her hands, looking into those blue eyes that are looking at her with a bit of surprise from their closeness. "May I have this dance?" Gon does a little bow. Alluka blinks before she giggles.

"Why, yes you may." Gon likes how the light has gotten back in her eyes as Gon moves closer. He puts his hand on her waist and holds her hand gently. Alluka flushes from the closeness but she puts one hand on Gon's shoulder. "Follow my lead." Gon smiles gently as he sways with Alluka, the girl who was looking nervous starts to giggle as they glide across the floor.

"Wow you're really good at this Grace. Have you danced with with a woman before?" Alluka flushes at the question but she seems happy. She's having fun.

"Maybe once." Gon can't help to chuckle with Alluka as he spins her, pulling her back against his chest.

"This is fun." Alluka smiles up at Gon. "I'm glad I met you Grace. I don't know anyone here and...there's not that many people my age as I would have hoped."

"I'm glad I met you too Alluka. You've brighten up my day." She really has. If it wasn't for her pulling her away, Gon may have done something stupid. Alluka beams and gets into the dancing, moving a bit faster with Gon. They're getting some strange looks but Gon pays no mind to it.

"No...You've brighten mine Grace." Alluka's blue eyes shift away. "Big brother has been stressed lately. He tries to hang out with me and take me out places but I can tell it's a strain on him. Mostly because i've been pushing for him to let me go on my own. I love big brother but he's too protective and...I think he's using me as an excuse." Alluka frowns, her voice getting quiet.

"An excuse?" Gon raises his eyebrow, spinning Alluka once again and pulling her close. Now they're just swaying slowly together.

"yeah..." Alluka glances over at Killua who has been watching them for awhile now. Gon's surprised he hasn't tried to stop them from dancing together. He's still over by Hanzo so Alluka looks up at Gon. "If I tell you something will you promise not to tell big brother I told you?"

"Sure." Gon nods, feeling his heart beat faster, straining to hear what Alluka is about to say.

"I know you wanted to see Gon, Grace and big brother could have texted Gon to come but...he didn't. He said he saw him recently but he didn't."

"Why would he lie about that?" Gon swallows. He really wants to ask Killua himself.

"I think big brother is afraid."

"Afraid?" that throws Gon off.

"He doesn't talk about it much but...I'm worried about big brother. Gon and big brother use to be very close and they use to text all the time. But then I noticed he just stopped. He told me that he had to focus on me. And whenever I would ask about when he would meet up with Gon, he'd just say he can't, that we have to keep moving. I think he's been using me as an excuse to not see Gon. And I just don't understand it. He won't let me go but...Big brother isn't well."

"Why doesn't he want to see him?...Does he hate him?" Gon can't help to ask, feeling that lump in his throat.

"No. I know he doesn't hate him. You see Grace...I know big brother wants to see Gon. Deep down he really does and that's why he's unwell. He misses him."

"He sure doesn't act like it." Gon blinks when that comes out with a bit of bite. "I mean...He stopped texting him and he's not trying to meet up with him."

"My brother is weird Grace. He's scared about something. He won't talk to me and it's driving me crazy honestly. I just know brother would feel better if he sees Gon. I don't want him to use me as reason to be miserable."

"He doesn't look miserable. He looks like he's happy with you. He seems fine."

"On the surface yes." Alluka's smile falls slightly. "Big brother hasn't been sleeping much lately...I know it's hard to understand. I just wish big brother would at least text Gon again. I see his phone vibrating and I know Gon still texts him...He just doesn't text back. When I asked him about it, he said he would text him back later. He never did."

"So...He's been getting messages from Gon? He just hasn't been texting him back?" Gon's stomach twists but there's something else building. Anger. Hurt. How many messages did Gon send? How many of those messages did he tell Killua how much he missed him? Killua has been looking at his messages only to...ignore them. If Killua misses him then why the hell hasn't he texted him back? Why doesn't he want to see him? Why is he...doing this?

"Yeah. Look at him Grace. He's checking his phone right now. Looking to see if Gon texted him." Alluka's words get Gon to look at Killua. He is indeed checking his phone. Gon watches as Killua's eyebrows furrow. Killua puts his phone away, looking disappointed before he glares at Gon darkly when he sees he's been looking at him. Gon looks away quickly. "big brother reads all Gon's messages. Sometimes he'll even tell me about what they say and show me pictures Gon sent. He just...But most of them he keeps to himself. Like they're private. I don't really understand the relationship that big brother and Gon have but I wish Gon would just come and find big brother. I don't think he'll go to Gon."

Gon feels hot. The back of his neck is red. He can feel Killua staring at him and it makes this worse. So he's been looking at the messages. He's seen all the heart felt things Gon said and how many times he asked to speak with him. He's ignored his phone calls. There's no reason he didn't text him back. He had his phone. He saw his messages...He just didn't text him back.

That hurt is there but Gon is getting more angry. He wants to march up to Killua and shake him. He wants to ask him what he's been doing these two years, why he's been playing with his heart. How many nights has Gon woken up from a nightmare? How many times did he message Killua about it? How many times did Gon have nightmares about Killua himself?

Two years. Two years Gon had no contact with Killua at all. He missed Killua so much he drove himself crazy. He spoke for Killua and would pretend what Killua would say to him during different situations. If it wasn't for Micky, Gon might still be doing that. All Gon did was think about Killua. Miss him. Wanting to be with him again. Gon told Killua this and...Killua just ignored him.

 _Gon remove yourself from the situation._

"It's nice having someone to talk to about this. I've been alone. Killua won't speak so..." Alluka smiles into Gon's shoulder, her words taking him away from those feelings that hurt. "I've been thinking about contacting Gon myself and asking him to come see big brother. I just don't know how i'm going to get his number. Big brother won't give it to me."

"Maybe I can get it." Gon hums, knowing he shouldn't. Gon knows his own number. Even if he gave it to Alluka...he can't see Killua. Not like this.

"I wouldn't." Alluka shakes her head. " I don't want you getting hurt. I'll think of something." Alluka really cares about her brother.

"Sis you could do better you know?" Killua finally walks over, grunting, his face blank.

"Oh hush brother." Alluka sticks out her tongue. "Grace is a great dancer!" They stop swaying with each other, Alluka turning towards her brother. Gon looks down at his shoes. He should leave away from them. Gon is...upset. If turning into a woman wasn't enough, this whole thing with Killua and learning the truth about what's been going on makes him feel sick. He feels like yelling at Killua and huddling away in a corner somewhere. He's frustrated.

"I'll be the judge of that. I'm pretty sure I can dance better." Killua grunts. Gon blinks when Killua walks up to him, his face blank and his stance relaxed. "We're going to dance."

"...I'm sure you can ask a lady to dance better than that." Gon glares.

"Just dance with me. You know you want to." Killua smirks, holding out his hand. "Or are you worried that I do dance better than you?"

"Not a chance." Gon feels that competitive fire in him flare up and he grabs Killua's hand. It feels like Killua just shocked him. It's been four years since he's felt Killua's hand. It's been four years since he's touched him. Gon was going to turn Killua down but after he made it into a challenge he couldn't back down and now that he's touched Killua...he doesn't want to.

Killua pulls Gon close, their chests pressed together, his skilled hand resting on Gon's waist and grabbing his hand. The same hands that Killua has killed people with, the same hands that use to give him high fives and would help wrap his wounds. Gon's body feels warm and he can feel his face heat up as they start to sway together. At first they're both fighting to lead which causes Gon to step on Killua's feet and then Killua stepping on his for revenge. This goes on in till they settle for just swaying in place.

"You're suppose to let the guy lead." Killua grunts.

"The better dancer should lead." Gon counters getting Killua's eyes to narrow.

"That's exactly why I should be the one leading."

"No I should be."

"Damn you're stubborn." Killua snaps but his expression has soften. "Remind me of someone I know." He mumbles.

"Someone you know?" Gon questions, letting Killua lead just so they can move around a bit more. Gon's heart is beating so fast and he feels ashamed for it. He should be pissed or at least he should want to be far away from Killua but he's eating up his warmth. Killua's hands are warm and strong and his movements are thoughtful and cautious.

Killua has only gotten bigger. There's some things that have stayed the same. One of those things are how Killua avoids questions he doesn't want to answer, how he'll dance around it and hide those blue eyes of how he truly feels.

"My sister looked like she was having a lot of fun with you." Killua glances over at Alluka, Gon doing the same so he doesn't shake Killua for answers. Where Killua is touching him is warm. Gon feels too warm.

Alluka is smiling at them from the side. Gon knows she's happy that Killua is dancing, that he's doing this.

"She was getting pretty bored before you showed up so...yeah. I'd appreciate it if you stayed with her. And if you do become her friend and you start hanging out with her more, I want you to wear something that will cover up your chest. Alluka doesn't need to be encouraged to dress as you do." Killua grunts.

"I want to see her after this."Gon finds himself saying. "I don't have many clothes but i'm sure I could find something less revealing." Gon waits for Micky to say something but he doesn't. Gon's heart feels like it's moved up when Killua dips him, his face so close to his own. He can feel his breathing on his cheek, those beautiful blue eyes staring right at him. Gon's heart is going crazy and he feels so warm. Killua smirks at him.

"You do that, and you can travel with us. Alluka would like a girl her age with her. She's been talking about it a lot recently. What else do you have going on? You know you want to travel with us Grace." Gon's heart was beating so rapidly in his chest and his whole expression was lighting up...that was in till Killua called him Grace. Gon feels something ache, break, fall a part. Gon wants to travel with Killua and Alluka. Gon wants to be with Killua. But Killua is looking at Grace. He would rather a complete stranger to travel with him than Gon.

Gon pushes Killua off of him, needing to get his warmth away from him, needing to get those lips away from him, those lips that Gon had thought about kissing just a second ago. Killua looks surprised by Gon pushing him away, his eyebrows are furrowing but Gon can't look at him.

 _Gon get away from them. It's time to move out. You've gotten Rose's attention and he's coming down on the dance floor._

"I don't want to travel with you. You're cruel you know that? Playing with my heart."

"What are you talking about?" Killua raises his eyebrow. "I told you flat out I didn't want you. And if you're just here for my sister-"

"Hey Alluka, i'll see you later." Gon smiles over at Alluka and it's hard to.

"Grace are you okay? Yourface is red. You look upset." Alluka frowns walking closer. "Brother what did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." Killua's eyebrows furrow at Alluka glaring at him.

"That's just it!" Gon shouts, getting both Killua and Alluka's eyes to widen. Gon takes a deep breath, feeling other people staring at him for his outburst. _Gon. Get out of there. Now_. Gon grips his fists before he turns on his heel and walks away. Gon is pissed. He's marching away and he knows that he needs to calm down. Gon ignores Alluka calling after him. Sorry Alluka, not right now.

 _Calm down._

Gon stops by the punch bowl, taking a deep breath, trying to do just that. He can't be acting like he's pissed. That will turn Rose off to him. Gon closes his eyes, running his fingers through his long locks.

"Hello there young miss." Gon blinks at the voice, turning around to see a Man in a white suit smiling at him gently. His hair is long and blonde, those blue eyes of his soft. _It's Rose_. Gon smiles back at this man, playing with his dress as if nervous. "I couldn't help but notice you. You're the most beautiful woman i've ever seen. Your black hair is like the night and your green eyes remind me of a brilliant emerald shining in the sun!" Rose grabs Gon's hand before kissing the back of it.

This guy is...very passionate. Gon smiles at the romantic gesture. Rose has been the first one who's said something so nice to him. Instead of just calling him sexy and saying something about his bust or ass he's saying he looks beautiful. Gon knows this is his man. He's very smooth and his face gentle. No wonder the girls would trust him. He's also very handsome which gives him some points.

Gon giggles like Micky taught him, covering his mouth. "Oh Stop you're making me blush."

"I can not stop. Not when you're before me. I must comment on such beauty." Rose grabs Gon's chin, bringing his face closer, his other arm snaking around his waist.

"You're making me all hot. I don't even know your name." Gon positions himself so he knows Rose has a good view of his chest, battling his long eyelashes up at him just like Micky taught him. _You're doing good Gon._

"Call me Rose my sweet. But what's in a name? I've become very bored with this ball. There's not many slow songs."

"maybe I could entertain you." Gon speaks slowly, pressing himself up against Rose. _Lean up and blow on his lip._ Gon leans up and blows on Rose's lip, his eyes half lidded. He feels dirty doing this but he knows what he's doing is working.

"My you get right to the point." Rose hums before he presses his body against Gon's. Gon can't help for his eyes to widen when he feels...this man's bulge on his stomach. He's so much taller than him. "But I like that." Rose whispers in his ear before he grabs him by the hand. "Come with me. There's a place we can be alone." Rose starts to pull Gon along. It's working. He didn't have to do much. _Rose liked what he saw when you were dancing. He is big on Girls with girls. That dance with Alluka got him all ready to go. Be careful._

Gon looks around as he leaves, catching Killua and Alluka staring at him. Killua's face is blank but he's watching him closely. Gon looks away and is relieved when Rose pulls him out of the dancing room and starts leading him down this long hallway.

"Tell me, do you like company of another woman?" Rose's voice is lower.

"Yes I do sometimes." Gon lets Rose pull him into a room down the way. He pulls Gon in before he shuts the door behind him.

"That's good. Maybe your little friend would be interested? The one in the pink dress."

Gon feels something protective in him and he glares at Rose. "No. She's not."

"Ohh I see. Trying to keep her all to yourself." Rose starts to take off his jacket. Gon blinks. What is he suppose to do now? This guy is getting undressed. Gon thought he was going to try to kidnap him. But right now it looks like...

 _We might have a problem._

Once he takes off his shirt, Gon sees that yes, they do have a problem. Micky just went over flirting with him. Rose was suppose to take him away from here to where he's hiding the girls. But with those hungry blue eyes looking him up and down, he has other plans.

 _I would get out of there._

"Um i'm going to go back to dancing." Gon smiles before turning on his heel to reach the door.

"But we're just getting started." Rose chuckles, The door won't open when Gon tries to turn the knob. Rose is using his nen to trap him. Gon could break through this but then their plans would be ruined. "Don't be so shy. I don't bite. I just want to give you a good time. Didn't you want to entertain me?"

"I guess so." Gon frowns. "But I don't think i'm ready for it..." Gon doesn't want to do sexual things with Rose. Micky isn't telling him what to do either.

"If you're not ready for it..." Rose walks up to Gon. Gon presses his back to the door, glaring at Rose, feeling defensive. Rose stops right in front of him and he smiles, putting his hand on Gon's shoulder. "Then that's okay. You can go home."

Gon feels the nen that was on the door behind him leave the door. "Okay...thank you." Gon can't help to be a little suspicious. That was too easy. Gon opens the door and runs out of there, holding onto his dress so he doesn't' trip. "What now Micky?" Gon can't help to whisper to himself, hoping somehow Micky can understand him.

 _Go to Alluka._

Gon's eyebrows furrow but he listens. He goes back into the dancing hall and looks for Alluka and Killua. Luckily they're not hard to find. Alluka seems to be discussing something with a frown to Killua, he doesn't look too happy either. Gon swallows whatever it is he has to swallow down and walks up to them.

"Grace!" Alluka runs over to him, grabbing his wrists, looking at him.

"Hey Alluka. I told you I would be back." Gon smiles and it comes more naturally this time. Killua stays off to the side but he's watching him intently.

"Big brother doesn't understand what he did to upset you but he says he's sorry." Killua doesn't look sorry but Gon tries not to look at him. "He told me that you could come with us in our travels. If you...If you could, I would love that. Me and you could go shopping and while big brother is working as a hunter we could be having fun!" Alluka smiles bashfully. Gon wants to go. He wants to say yes but he's working and he's not Grace-

 _Say yes_. Gon's eyes widen. Say...yes?

"...I'd love to come with you Alluka." Gon smiles at Alluka, watching her eyes light up. "So sure. I'll come with you-"

"Yes! Big brother she's coming!" Alluka wraps her arms around Gon, squealing. Gon smiles, bouncing with her but he can't help to be confused. Why would Micky want him going with them?

"Really?" Killua raises his eyebrow, walking up to them. "What made you change your mind?"

"Alluka did." Gon looks at Killua before looking back at Alluka. "I want to stay with my friends." Killua's eyes glance away from him and Gon can feel the questions on the tip of his tongue. Why Killua?

"Where are you staying Grace?" Alluka is so bright right now. She looks so happy.

"In a hotel in town."

"We'll be leaving here tomorrow so start getting your things ready." Killua adds.

"...Okay." Gon nods, waiting for Micky to say something but he doesn't for a moment. _Say you want to talk to Alluka alone._ "Alluka, could I talk to you alone for one moment?"

"Sure Grace." Alluka smiles before giving her brother a look when he looks like he wants to say something. Gon grabs Alluka's wrist before leading her away from Killua, wondering where Micky is going with this. _Take her outside of the ballroom._ Gon's eyebrows furrow but he leads Alluka out of the ballroom, knowing Killua will probably follow. He's surprised when he doesn't. "It must be important if you need to tell me out here." Alluka frowns. "Is something wrong? Brother will be out here soon."

Is something wrong? Micky isn't speaking anymore. Alluka is looking at him expectantly.

"...It's about why I got upset with Killua. I love that he asked me to come with you...It's just hard because...I just wish he would have..." Gon finds he can't finish his sentence not because he is choking up on his words but because he can't. His throat feels tight and his muscles laxed. Everything starts to spin. Gon feels his body hit the ground, and then he sees Alluka fall down next to him before he doesn't see anything.

It all goes dark.

* * *

"Alluka-" Killua tries to follow after Grace and Alluka but this guy gets in his way. The man has a big smile on his face, his blue eyes playful, mischievous. "Get out of my way-"

"Gon is in trouble." This man says in a sing song, moving away from Killua like he asked. Killua grabs this man's wrist, stopping him from moving. Micky can't help his smirk when he sees how Killua's expression has changed.

"What did you just say?"

"Who me? Eh I didn't say anything." Micky waves his hand, trying to get out of Killua's grip but he tightens it.

"I heard you just say Gon is in trouble." Killua's eyes narrow. "Don't play games with me. I'm not in the mood." Killua tightens his grip on Micky's arm, a little more pressure and he could break his bone.

"But Games are the funniest- ow! Okay." Micky frowns, wincing when Killua applies more pressure. "Gon is in like, super big trouble."

"How do you know he's in trouble?" Killua loosens his hold.

"I don't I'm just fucking with you man." Micky grins lopsided, ripping his arm away from Killua before he can break his bone. "Me and Gon go way back. Since I saw you, thought i'd give a shout out."

"What the hell are you talking about-"

"Anddd my work is done." Micky waves his hand. "By the way, Gon is in trouble and so is your sister." Micky runs off into the crowd of dancing hunters.

"Gon is...Alluka?" Killua's eyes widen in realization and he runs out of the ballroom. "Sis!" Killua looks around, not seeing Grace or his sister anywhere. Killua runs out of the building, catching a black car driving away. Killua's blue eyes get dark, gripping his fists, baring his teeth. His face would scare anyone.

"Tis a shame. No one can just go out without being kidnapped. You know what i'm saying Killua? You know what i'm saying." Micky walks out of the building, grinning to himself.

"I'm two seconds away from ripping your head off. Did you have something to do with this?" Killua's dark eyes turn on Micky who backs up.

"You better go after them. Save your sister. Maybe you can save Gon too."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Killua snarls, looking from the car that's driving away before looking at Micky. "damn it!" Killua growls before he turns on Godspeed, running after the car. Micky watches him go before he smiles, and it matches the Cheshire cat.

"Wrong car~" He whistles as he makes his way into the taxi that's waiting for him. Time to get out of here before Killua comes after him.

 _Good luck Gon._

* * *

 **Done! I'm going to try to post guard dog next. Hope you enjoyed this. I like writing this story and this is my first time working with gender bending and I like it. Thank you for your support and see you next time.**


	4. Chapter 4

Gon groans, feeling cold, bare. It's so cold in here, is he even wearing anything? Gon wakes up and as soon as he feels that his arms are restricted above his head, he becomes on high alert, his senses coming on and tuning in on his situation. Since his eyes are opened and he doesn't see anything, he knows he's been blind folded and he knows he's tied by his hands right now, against something metal and cold.

He tries to move his legs and he's able to with no problems, his muscles are slow to respond to him though. Gon tests the restraints, they dig into him but he knows he'll be able to break them. He listens intently, there's someone else around him. He smells their cheap scented products and can hear their guff laughter.

Gon is confused so he tries to think of how he got in this situation. Then he remembers the pain in his neck, remembers falling. He was at the ball. He was suppose to seduce Rose and get him to take him to the warehouse where he's hiding the other girls. It didn't work out and then Micky told him to talk to Alluka-

"S-Stay away from me." Gon tenses when he hears that voice, his eyes widening and his heart seizing up in alarm. Alluka. She's here. Who ever kidnapped him took Alluka too. Those men are laughing and he can sense they're to his left, where Alluka's voice was.

"We just want to see what we're working with. Our buyers won't buy unless they can have the product displayed." Someone speaks and it makes Gon feel ill. "Hold her feet, I'll just rip the dress off, she's not going to let us take it off-"

No. Gon isn't going to let that happen. Gon breaks his restraints, the sound of metal breaking gets the men to stop talking. Gon rips off his blindfold, glaring darkly at these men who are looking at him with wide eyes, there's about five of them surrounding Alluka. Her dress is ruffled and torn on the side, her hands cuffed above her head and a blind fold on her eyes.

"What the hell?" One of them says and that's about all the get to say before Gon is on them. He punches one guy in the chin, knocking him into another guy, both hitting the wall hard. Gon grabs another and head butts them when he tried to grab him. He pushes the other guy and breaks him through the wall without barely trying. The last guy tries to run but Gon picks up one of the unconscious guys and throws it at him, knocking him down hard, busting his head open and getting him out of the count.

"W-What's going on?" Alluka trembles, looking around. She's probably confused. All she heard was a bunch of loud noises and those men crying out in pain. "Big brother?"

"No it's me. G-Grace." Gon almost said his real name.

"Grace!" Alluka sighs in relief. "I was so worried! When I woke up I was like this and I didn't know where you were! I thought they were hurting you." Alluka sounds like she's about to cry. She must have been so scared.

"Don't worry Alluka. I'm fine. Did they hurt you?" Gon grabs the keys off of one of those men before he walks over to her and unlocks her cuffs, letting her arms free.

"I don't think so. They were trying to take off my dress but...they didn't do anything else. I think they were trying to sell me." Alluka rubs her wrists that are sore before she takes off her blind fold. Her eyes widen when she sees all the men laying on the floor unconscious before she looks at Gon. She flushes and looks away from him. "G-Grace what happened to your dress?" Alluka tenses and looks at him seriously, frowning deeply. "They didn't..."

"Huh?" Gon blinks, looking down at himself only to blush and cover his chest. He's wearing nothing but green underwear. They took off his dress. Gon looks around for his beautiful green dress but it's no where to be seen. Gon knew he felt cold. And he knew it felt strange when he ran, like an extra weight bouncing on his chest. Gon feels weird touching his chest so he stops covering it, sighing. Curse this body. He can't just run around without his shirt anymore.

"Did they hurt you?" Alluka moves closer, seeming to forget Gon doesn't have a shirt on, frowning deeply.

"I don't feel like they did anything to me. I think they just took off my dress." Gon wrinkles his nose, looking at Alluka who sighs in relief.

"Good. I got really worried-" Alluka seems to take in all the men who are passed out around them, bleeding and hurting. She looks at Gon, tilting her head. "Did you do this?"

"Um..." _You know karate. Tell her you were taught karate to fight off the crazy's at your modeling shows._ "Yeah I did. I know karate. I was taught karate to fight off the crazies at my modeling shows."

"Wow! Grace you're really strong! That's amazing!" Alluka's eyes light up in admiration. "That makes sense, a pretty girl like you needs to know how to protect themselves!...You don't think these people kidnapped us because you're a model do you?"

"I'm not sure." Gon has a pretty good idea who it was. It was Rose. Gon grips his fists. He has to fight Rose. He has to find him and he has to find the other girls here before he sees that he's done this and tries to flee. Gon has to make sure Alluka is okay though.

"Or maybe it has something to do with me..." Alluka frowns, rubbing her arm. "If it does...I'm sorry Grace. You could have gotten hurt because of me. I didn't-"

"It wasn't you Alluka. I'm pretty sure this is completely my fault so I'm sorry I dragged you into this." Gon says firmly before giving her a soft smile. "We have to get out of here before more people show up. We should get help." _Good! Act like a victim. Act afraid._

"I-I'm scared." Alluka admits, her small body shaking when they hear someone walking near the room.

"Don't worry. I'm going to get you out of here and back to your brother." Gon smiles at Alluka. " I won't let you get hurt." Gon would never let Killua's sister get hurt. She's the reason why she's still here. She's the reason he lives.

"Grace..." Alluka looks into his eyes for a moment before she nods, her eyebrows furrowing in determination. "Be careful. Big brother should be here any minute. Knowing him he's probably going crazy."

"Yeah probably." Gon chuckles thinking about it. _Gon just walk out of the room right now._ Gon raises his eyebrow but he does it. When he walks out of the room, he runs into a man. Gon blinks, wondering why Micky wanted him to do that but then he gets a good look at this man, and he knows why.

Rose blinks at him owlishly before those eyes look down at his chest, trailing his body before looking up at Gon, grinning.

"How did you get out?" Rose seems to get himself together, those eyes getting suspicious. Gon glares at him darkly, he can sense Alluka behind him and she's shaking. She's worried about Grace. Alluka has nothing to worry about. But the issue here is that he can't use his nen. Alluka might be able to tell who he is and he's sure Killua isn't close behind.

"Alluka close your eyes and stay behind me." Gon says without looking behind him.

"Ohh your girlfriend is there too?" Rose seems pleased. "I don't know how you got out, I hired a bunch of idiots. Let's get you tied up and pretty again shall we? They'll pay a hefty price for you-"

Gon jumps towards him using that one step technique he's been using as a child. Rose's eyes widen, taken off guard by his speed, Gon punches him in the chest, sending him flying across the room. A bit of his nen comes out with the punch but not much. He hopes it wasn't anything. Gon doesn't give Rose time to think or for his mind to catch up to what just happened. He runs over to Rose, slamming him down on the ground, pinning his arm behind his back.

"You're not that strong." Gon frowns. "I was expecting more."

"What the hell! That power! You're a hunt-" Rose starts only for Gon to shove his face into the ground, not wanting him to say something that Alluka will hear.

"G-Grace can I look? Are you okay?"

"Don't look yet Alluka! Just stay in there. I'm fine. He's no match for my karate!" Gon reassures only for his eyes to widen when Rose's aura spikes, sending him flying of of him. Gon bites his lip as he hits the ceiling only to fall down. He lands on his feet, barley dodging a spike of aura that would have pierced his chest.

"Are you trying to make a fool out of me?" Rose snarls. "Damn those titties." Rose looks down only to look up quickly. "That pretty face got me distracted. I don't know what you plan on doing but you're not leaving here. Sorry honey but you die here."

"G-Grace?" Alluka sounds alarmed.

"No worries Alluka!" Gon calls after her as he glares darkly at Rose. He takes off running towards Rose, frowning and feeling flustered when his breasts bounce but he really can't let that distract him right now. Gon dodges another spike attack from this guy, still running towards him. He steps, flying towards Rose. The man's aura spikes like a porcupine. Like thorns. Gon jumps up quickly, stopping himself from being impaled.

If Gon could use his nen, he would surprise him with his paper attack and take that chance to finish the fight but he can't. Gon uses his strength and lands on the ground with force, cracking the foundation underneath him, making Rose stumble. _Don't go over board. Killua is almost on you. You're not hurt at all and there's a bunch of guys passed out and you're not having much trouble with Rose either. Make it look like you're struggling._

Gon frowns. He's not struggling though. And the fact Killua is almost here and he has to act like he's struggling means that Killua has to 'save' him. Gon huffs, wishing he could show this guy what he's really made of but Alluka is here and Killua is almost here. Gon doesn't want them to know who he really is. Not yet. And he can't for his job.

"You bitch!" Rose suddenly charges towards him. Gon's not sure why he suddenly had a burst of rage in till he hears the sirens. Police sirens. Not only that but Gon can sense others coming. _The hunters are on the way~_ Gon gets ready to fight Rose off, only to remember he's suppose to be struggling. So Gon dodges Rose's hand that's turned into a sharp spike with his red aura. Gon moves quickly, easily and when he sees an opportunity...

He stops dodging and lets the spike go into his shoulder. A wound that won't mess him up too bad but will make it look like he was having problems. _Killua is here. Start crying._ "Owwwww." Gon groans and maybe he tries too hard with his ow as he falls to the ground, holding his shoulder, feeling flustered with having to act this way. It doesn't hurt that much. He's not going to cry.

Gon blinks as Rose reaches towards him, hitting him on the head only for a flash of light to come. Gon watches as that light kicks the shit out of Rose, his movements so fast Gon can't keep up. By the end of it, Rose is laying on the ground, a bloody and broken mess.

That was...amazing. Gon has heard about Killua's Godspeed from others but he's never gotten to see it himself. That was incredible. Gon feels awe and jealously at the same time. Killua has grown. He's gotten stronger. Gon is...way behind. He's still behind. Gon feels sick, his stomach twists and he has to look down at his hands when Killua turns his gaze on him. Gon could have taken care of that guy by himself. Gon knows that but it still bothers him that Killua is the one who finishes his battle.

Gon isn't weak. But Grace has to be.

 _Keep your head down. We have a problem._ Gon tenses, feeling alarmed and the first thing he wants to do is look up but he doesn't. He keeps his head down.

"Where's my sister?" Killua's voice is guff, worried laced in his tone. Gon can feel how tense he is, can just imagine his expression.

"Big brother?" Alluka peeks out of the room when she heard her brother's voice.

"Sis!" Killua sighs in relief, running over to his sister to hug her tightly. "I'm sorry I didn't get here quicker. Did they hurt you?"

"No i'm fine! Grace helped me! She fought those guys off!" Alluka sounds like she's smiling only for here to gasp. "Grace! Your shoulder! You're bleeding!"

 _Don't look up. That asshole knocked out your contacts._

"A-Ah...It's..." Gon trembles, not from the pain but from the anxiety of being found out. He starts to look for the contacts but he can't find them. He stays still, keeping his head down.

"Grace?" Alluka frowns. He can feel Killua get closer with his sister. "Big brother I think she's really hurt. She was protecting me the whole time! Without her, I don't know what they would have done to me!" Gon can feel Killua's eyes on him and he doesn't like it. He's exposed.

"Hey, that wound isn't too bad." Killua grunts, and his voice is closer, he's kneeling in front of him. There's a pause. "...Hey, look at me. You're freaking my sister out." Gon blinks when he feels a jacket be placed around his shoulders, covering his body. "There. That's better right?" Gon nods his head , feeling a bit warm from having Killua's jacket on him. He can smell the other man and it's doing things to him. It's been so long, he almost forgot how he smells like. Like cotton and blood.

"Grace is your face hurt?" Alluka's voice is soft. The sirens are right outside the warehouse now. Gon did his job. Rose has been exposed. He did it but he feels like he's failed. They're going to find out.

"N-No I'm fine-"

"Let me see your face." When Gon doesn't listen and Killua reaches out, Gon covers his eyes with his hands. Gon doesn't know what to do. "Stop being stupid. Let me see your face." Killua growls out in irritation.

 _Don't let him see your face. I'm coming to help you baby._

"Get off." Gon moves his body away from Killua when he tries to move his hands by force. "I'm fine-"

"Then let me see your face." Killua growls, seeming fed up.

"Well hello there." Gon blinks at that voice, recognizing it immediately.

"Who the fuck are you?" Killua snaps.

"Um I'm a cop? Duh. I'm here to deal with this here problem."

"Where's your badge?"

"Where's your dick?"

"Huh?"

"What?"

There's a tense silence before he feels Micky get closer. "If you're not willing to show me the dick, then i'm not willing to show you my badge."

"That makes no sense. None what so ever."

"You're just not familiar with the law here sir. No dick, no badge-"

"You're not a fucking cop-"

"You're right. I'm not a cop. I'm a unicorn."

"What the fuck? Are you high?"

"High on life. High on life my friend. Don't be hating. Just be appreciating...okay yeah I am high. Just a tiny bit. It seemed like a good idea at the time." Micky sniffs before Gon feels him suddenly on him. "To be high or not to be high, that is the question." Gon blinks when he feels Micky shove something into his eyes and it stings and hurts. He blinks and he knows he has contacts now.

"Get away from her creep." Killua snarls just when Gon looks up, seeing Killua yank Micky away- Gon's eyes widen when he takes in how Micky is wearing a red wig and a police outfit. Micky grins at Gon.

"Can you guess who I am?" Micky gets away from Killua to start thrusting his hips forward in a dance.

"No?" Gon blinks.

"Rin from Free? Come on don't tell me i'm the only one who watches Free?" Micky looks around only to get blank stairs. "yall are no fun. Look at that face." Micky points at Killua who glares darkly. "You know what that face says? It says 'ughhghhghghghg I hate everything and everyone. Uhhhh' if you look in the dictionary you would find that face under the definition of grump."

Killua looks like he's about ready to kill Micky only for a bunch of cops and hunters to run in. Micky takes this chance to run out, leaving Gon starting after him with wide eyes. Well...Micky did help him. But he did it in the weirdest of ways. Gon can't help to start chuckling when he sees the look on Killua's face. Now he'll think of what Micky said when he looks at Killua's face.

"What the hell you giggling at?" Killua snarls which only gets his sister to laugh as well.

"You really do have a grumpy face." Gon chuckles getting Killua to bristle.

"Shut up." Killua snaps, crossing his arms before glaring after where Micky was. "His voice sounded familiar..."

Gon blinks. Killua knows Micky? _Get out of there some how._ "Um...Well i'm going to go now. Get myself cleaned up." Gon stands up, knowing his work is done. "I hope you don't mind if I use your jacket to cover up. I'll give it back to you tomorrow. You're picking me up tomorrow right?"

"Grace you should go to the hospital." Alluka frowns. Killua is giving him this look, he's analyzing him.

"No it's alright-" _Say your manager will fix it._ "My manager will fix me up." _You're scared of the hospital_. "I'm scared of the hospital."

"Your manager can take care of a wound like that?" Killua raises his eyebrow.

 _Hell yeah I can._ "Yeah he can. It's not a bad wound either, I've been stabbed worse-" Gon tenses when Killua's eyes flash, catching that. _Bitches. Say bitches did it._ "You know..." Gon coughs. "Bitches did it." Gon feels his face heat up from saying that word.

"Bitches?" Killua crosses his arms.

"You really have to be careful Grace! I didn't know girls would get so jealous that they would stab you." Alluka frowns, eating up Gon's lies.

"I don't really care." Killua shakes his head, giving Gon this indifferent look. Killua would never gave Gon this look but things have changed. "If you want to be stupid and let your manager take care of the wound then fine. Keep the jacket, you got your blood all over it anyway. We'll be at town square at 8 in the morning. Don't be late or we'll leave you."

The way Killua is talking to him, reminds him of a strict teacher or a person of authority. "Osu." Gon gets lost in those moments, thinking about training with Killua and how much fun that was. But as soon as his giggle comes, it leaves him when he sees how Killua isn't laughing with him. Of course not. He doesn't' even know who he is. He doesn't' even recognize him. Gon feels that pang in his heart and all he wants to do is curl up into his sheets or do push ups or do anything that would get his mind off of this feeling right now.

When Killua gives him this weird look and opens his mouth, Gon is quick to take action. "S-See ya tomorrow!" Gon turns on his heel and runs. He can hear Alluka calling after him but he just wants to leave. The cops try to stop him but he passes them too.

"Baby girl!" Gon turns his head to see a car waiting for him. That voice he would recognize anywhere so he runs towards the car and hops in. Micky wraps his arms around him as the car takes off, being mindful of his wound. "You did great! That was awesome! I mean wow!" Micky pulls away, his blue eyes sparkling. "I knew I picked the right guy! You weren't even using your nen and you were like wham! Boom! Smack! You broke that guys nose and the blood was like squirt! You were even fighting against Rose without nen! And to top it all off, you were fighting all those guys topless. I mean, you were letting it all hang out-"

"Gah! It's not like I had a choice! Those guys took off my dress and I couldn't find it!" Gon flushes, hugging himself and then getting more flushed when he remembers it's Killua's jacket on him and the feel of it on his bare skin gets him warm. Gon's eyes shine with determination. "I couldn't use my nen, or Killua would have found out. I don't want him to know who I am. Alluka said Killua is afraid of something and that's why he hasn't been texting me but...i've been afraid all of this time too."

Gon feels something build up, Micky's smile slowly falls to a tight line. "Afraid Killua didn't want anything to do with me, afraid he moved on, afraid that something happened to him, afraid that maybe he didn't forgive me...afraid that I lost him. I told Killua I missed him and he's been looking at my messages. He just hasn't texted me back. I've been attending to him, having conversations with myself, day dreaming about him, hoping and imagining him reading my messages. I've kept him up to date on everything. And he never messaged me back."

Gon glares out of the window, his chest feeling tight. "I don't want him to know who I am. If Killua didn't forgive me, if Killua wanted nothing to do with me, he should have just said so. These pass two years I haven't been right in the head. I still don't think I'm right in the head. When I'm around him, all I want to do is be near him. I long to laugh with him and play around with him. I long for how we use to be. There's a part of me that wants to tell Killua who I am. Wants to see how he would react to it. Would he be happy? Would he smile like he use to long ago? Or would he give me that one smile...would he be fake towards me. If Killua gave me a fake smile, I don't know if I could take it. Maybe I'm just stupid. I think stupid things but after finding out about what Killua has been doing, I don't want him to know it's me. I don't want to text him as Gon either. He's been cruel. He's not the only one who's been afraid."

Micky is quiet. Gon doesn't look at him and keeps staring out the window, watching the buildings go by. Gon takes a deep breath. "Why did you want me to go with them? Killua wants me to meet up with them tomorrow to leave." Gon puts more pressure on his shoulder to stop the bleeding.

"Whoa. It just got really serious. I had to take a moment." Micky takes a deep breath before shaking his head as if to shake it off. "Alright. I get that you're hurting and all but going with Killua is the best thing for the both of us. He's going to be heading towards our next target so you can just hitch hike off of them, all the while, watching as my plan unfolds." Micky rubs his hands together.

"Your plan?" Gon raises his eyebrow, turning to look at Micky in curiosity. "Why would Killua be going to our next target? How do you know that?"

"Just trust me. He'll be going towards our next target. I'm good like that." Micky grins. "And what plan you ask? My plan to get that ass hole back for what he's done to my sugar pie." Micky wraps an arm around Gon, grinning.

"Huh?" Gon blinks.

"You just said you don't want to text him right? Well good. That's a part of my plan. Don't text him. Even if he texts you, don't text him. You're not Gon anymore, you're Grace. You'll travel with him and while my plan is in action, you'll see him slowly break down."

"I doubt he would break down." Gon huffs. "I doubt he would even text me-"

"My plan will work Gon. And you and I will be satisfied." Micky's lips curl and it's the first time Gon gets a shiver down his spine from him. "Just do as I say and everything will be good."

"Okay." Gon blinks before tilting his head. "You still haven't told me how you know Killua is going to go where the target is-"

"All in good time." Micky's leg starts to bounce. "All in good time..." His blue eyes get darker before he looks out of the window. "We're close."

"Huh?" Gon frowns at the change in Micky. "Is something wrong?"

"No. We got Rose. I was able to see you beat on him and while you were fighting, I started letting all the girls go and I called the hunters and the police. Thanks to you I was able to get him." Micky lets out a long sigh of air. His shoulders dropping. "He wasn't the one."

"He wasn't the one for what?"

"Tell me Gon, have you ever wanted someone to die so much, that you start to dream about it?" Micky doesn't look at him. Gon thinks about the question. He shivers when he thinks of that dark time, when his mind got fuzzy and all he could think about was killing that ant. Killing her for what she did to Kite. It clouded his mind and he let it overtake him. He let it morph his body and he let it take away his best friend.

That feeling overtook him completely.

"Sort of." Gon admits, scratching at his arm. "Have you, Micky?"

"Yes. I still feel it inside me. This need, this fire. I try to sleep it off and it's what I think of. Sometimes I feel like a monster. But to kill a monster, you have to become one." Micky's voice is low, motor toned. A complete change in how he usually acts. Gon doesn't feel wary though. He feels no bad intentions towards him.

"I became a monster once." _A crumpled up face, smashed in with blue blood gushing out, his large over sized fist not stopping as he keeps breaking into the skull. The burst of light coming out of his stump of an arm and then the cry of alarm and angst from the person that means the most from him._ " And that's why people see me as a hero." Gon closes his eyes, gripping his fist. "I killed who I needed to kill. But there were consequences. I'm still dealing with them today." Gon feels the need to reach out to Micky. There's something about him that reminds him of himself. Back in those dark times. "I was no hero."

"I'm not trying to be a hero but I do wonder what my consequences will be." Micky hums. Gon blinks when Micky suddenly turns around, a bright smile on his face like they weren't just talking about all this deep stuff. "Geez look at me! Making it even more serious! This is a time for celebrating! One down and a couple more to go! Once I'm done wrapping your wound, lets have a party! You were great out there."

Gon tilts his head at the 360 but he can feel the pain in his shoulder increase and he takes a deep breath. "A party sounds nice." Gon chuckles. He wants to distract himself. "Micky you're weird. You go from serious to smiling in a minute. What was with you dressed as a cop?"

"That was a pretty good disguise right? They didn't suspect a thing." Micky grins.

"I think Killua suspected you." Gon chuckles. "But what you said about Killua's face had me laughing and I couldn't help it."

"He does look like a grump!" Micky grins. "I can't believe you haven't seen Free! You need to watch it. Your gay ass is going to love it."

Gon flushes, feeling a little bit shy about the subject. He's new to it and this new area is exciting. "I'm not sure if I'm gay yet." Gon crosses his arms stubbornly before looking at Micky from the corner of his eye. "Do you really think i'll like the show?"

"Oh yeah. Half naked guys all around." Micky chuckles, pulling Gon in for a side hug. Micky is warm and his laugh rumbles. Gon doesn't know much about Micky. He doesn't know who his other two targets are going to be but...he's having fun. Micky is helping him break his obsession with Killua. He's helping him to get over him just like Killua has gotten over Gon.

The space beside him is being filled up but...

Gon still feels empty inside.

* * *

"Dude you're still holding that guy's jacket?" Micky raises his eyebrow, looking over at Gon who is sitting next to him on the bed, having Killua's jacket close to his chest as the two of them watch this Free cartoon. Micky said it was something call an amine but it looks like a cartoon to Gon.

Currently Gon is wearing a long white tee shirt, not wearing a bra to relieve some tension off of his shoulder at this point. Micky sowed him up and bandaged him and he's all good to go.

Gon tenses when he realizes that yes, he's still holding Killua's jacket. After he took it off he never let it go. There's something comforting about it. Something familiar. Gon was subconsciously holding onto it.

He holds on too much.

"Yeah." Gon flushes but he only hugs the jacket closer. "It's my jacket now. Killua said he didn't want it because I bled all over it."

"Look, this guy has been ignoring you flat out for two years. You said so yourself in the car, you don't want to text him or anything but look at you! Hugging his jacket like some crazed boyfriend. You look insane right now."

"The jacket is comfy!" Gon defends, his face getting hot when Micky said he was acting like a boyfriend. Like Killua's boyfriend. Gon doesn't understand why his heart beats so fast. It makes him sweaty. "I'm not his boyfriend. I'm not even sure if I'm his friend. I just like the jacket." Gon hugs the jacket closer, burying his face in it. The smell of Killua lingers on it. The smell of cotton and water and flowers and blood-

Gon takes a deep breath of it before he realizes what he just did in front of Micky.

"Oh. My. Gosh." Micky stares at him with wide eyes before he busts out laughing. "You just sniffed it!"

"It was an automatic reaction! It's been a while since I've smelled him-"

"Stop! S-Stop! You're making it worse!" Micky is tearing up. Gon blushes, his face a light pink and that may have something to do with what Killua's scent did to him. His heart is beating so fast, his stomach twisting up in this knot, a pressure building below.

"He smells good." Gon mumbles, keeping the jacket close to him. "I can't have him so at least I have his jacket." Once those words leave his mouth, Gon can really appreciate how pathetic that sounds. He really does have problems. Sniffing Killua's jacket and holding onto it so tightly. He's still holding on to the past so tightly.

Micky stops laughing but his mouth is still turned in a grin. "Ohhh that's why you want the jacket so much. Are you going to masturbate with it?-"

"W-What?" Gon's eyes widen.

"Do you even know how to masturbate as a woman? I could teach you baby-"

"No thanks!" Gon keeps Micky at arms length when he tried to get closer, a mischievous grin on his lips. Gon's body is on fire. "I-I'm not going to do that with Killua's jacket! It just reminds me of-"

"Dat ass." Micky finishes, giving him a lopsided smile when Gon's face gets even redder. "I bet you're stiffing it and you're just like 'ohhh yeah I want some of that Zoldyck's ass-"

"Am not!" Gon pushes Micky childishly but the more Micky talks about it, the more images pop into his mind...like Killua in those jeans Gon first saw him in. They hugged his small thighs nicely and Killua has always had a nicely shaped ass... Gon swallows. "I was just-"

"It's nothing to be ashamed of. I did it with you when you were on conscious and I had to carry you back to your hotel. I sniffed all your boxers. I mean all of them."

"What?" Gon looks at Micky with wide eyes.

"Huh?" Micky gives him this blank stare.

"You sniffed..."

"All your boxers, yes. They had this musky smell and I was just like jizz in my pants. Seriously I got off from sniffing your boxers. I bet you would be a happy camper if you could sniff Killua's boxers-"

Gon's starting to feel a bit too hot thinking about instead of sniffing Killua's jacket, sniffing his boxers. The clothing that's been on his lower regions...Gon wonders how he would smell? Gon wonders how big he's gotten. "You're totally thinking about sniffing his boxers now."

"It's your fault." Gon flushes from being caught, giving Micky another playful shove. "Who sniffs someone's underwear! At least I know Killua."

"Ouch. Pain, right here." Micky points to his heart, giving him this expression of mock pain. "I know you too sweet cheeks-"

"No." Gon's eyebrows furrow at the name.

"You know what we should do? We should find out where Killua is staying and have a panty raid. Just go in there, steal his underwear and start sniffing-"

"I don't want to steal his underwear!" Gon shakes his head but he can't help to laugh at the idea. Wouldn't that be something if Killua caught them? Gon wonders what Killua would do if he knew it was him stealing his underwear and not Grace.

"Yesss you do. You want to be all up in that."

"Micky!" Gon grabs a hold of him, chuckling as the two roll around in the bed, rough housing. Gon is able to quickly pin Micky down and he grins down at him.

"Baby you can grin like you're victorious all you want but when I got that body on me, I'm the one who's winning." Micky sticks out his tongue, showing off his tongue ring. Gon becomes fascinated by the jewelry for a moment before Micky pushes him off, turning the tables so he's pinning him down. "Now I'm really winning."

"Did that hurt?" Gon stares at Micky's mouth, looking at his lip piercings. "Where did you get it done? Why did you get it done?"

Micky blinks from all the questions before he gets off of Gon, rubbing the back of his head. Gon raises his eyebrow when Micky's cheeks get slightly pink.

"My tongue didn't hurt at all. The lip was alright. My nipple piercing was a bitch." Micky lifts up his shirt, showing Gon the gold ring in his nipple. Gon swallows, becoming very interested in that jewelry and the pink bud it's through. "I got them done at this shop, I don't even remember. I've had them for a few years. I got them because I think piercings are hot. Girls and Guys like the tongue ring. I've found that a lot of guys like the nipple ring as well." Micky grins at Gon's staring before he makes eye contact with him.

"I wonder if I would look good." Gon thinks to himself as he touches his chest, expecting flat only to tense when he feels the mound. He still can't get use to having boobs. He can not.

"You mean with nipple piercings?" Micky smirks. "I would wait till you change back into your normal body but I think a tongue ring would be hot on you. You have that innocent face but then you can stick out your tongue and be like bam! I'm a cock sucking machine-"

Gon pulls Micky's cheek to get him to stop but he does think about about what he just said. "A tongue ring?" Gon thinks about it, staring at Micky's mouth. It does look good on Micky.

"Mm yes a tongue ring. It feels good when you kiss too." Micky leans closer, this voice getting lower, licking his lips. Gon can't help to follow the tongue ring.

"It does?" Gon can feel Micky's breathing on his lips.

"Want to see?" Micky grabs Gon's chin, his blue eyes getting half lidded. Gon's stomach tightens and he closes his eyes, waiting to feel Micky's lips on his, the atmosphere feels right for it-

There's a ringing that gets Gon's eyes to snap open right before Micky kisses him. "That's my phone." Gon reaches over and takes his phone off the night stand. His eyes widen when he has a text message...from Killua. "Killua texted me!-"

"That cock blocking son of a bitch." Micky huffs, crossing his arms. "Of all the times to text you, of course he decides to do it when it was all hot and stuff." Micky looks over at Gon watching him stare at the message with this strange look on his face. "...What does it say?"

" It says...'hey.'" Gon takes a deep breath.

"'Hey'? That's it?" Micky raises his eyebrow.

"That's it." Gon keeps staring at it. Not believing it. If Gon never met Micky, if Gon never saw Killua, and he got this message, Gon would have been dancing, shouting, smiling. He would have been so happy just to get this simple message from Killua. But now that he knows Killua has been ignoring him, now that reality has caught up with him...the message makes him... _angry._ Two years has gone by. Two years and this is what Killua says to him. Not i'm sorry I didn't text you. Nothing like that, just 'hey'.

"Wow. After two years and that's all he has to say for himself- Hey!" Micky is quick to move when he sees Gon grip the phone about to throw it across the room. He grabs Gon's wrist and stops him. "Don't break it! I know it pisses you off but you have to do what he did. Just read the message and don't respond."

"I really don't get it Micky." Gon stops struggling against Micky's grip, dropping the phone on the bed, still staring at the message Killua sent him. The message Gon was waiting two years for. It's not right. His stomach is all messed up and he's not happy. "Why do this? Even though i'm pissed off, even though it hurts, seeing him message me makes me want to message him back. I want to tell him how i'm feeling-"

"Then do it." Gon looks over at Micky who grins. "This is your chance as Gon to let him have it. Tell him how you feel and just don't text him back. It will drive him crazy."

"I doubt it. I said some pretty questionable things and Killua never texted me." Gon grabs the phone though. He wants to text Killua. He wants to let him have a piece of his mind.

" _It took you two years to think of that to say, Killua? I kept waiting and waiting for you to contact me. Things have changed. With this new job I haven I may never be able to be who I was. You may never recognize me again. It use to make me upset but now I'm okay with it. I get it Killua. Two years of silence should have told me what I know now but I was fool. Like I always am. If you didn't want to be my friend anymore, if you didn't want to talk to me, you should have just said so. If you didn't forgive me, you should have just said so. I won't bother you again, Killua. You don't have to worry about my texts anymore. I should have stopped a long time ago. It took me two years of silence to figure out you don't want me anymore. How stupid is that?"_ Gon's fingers hurt from typing so fast and Gon hates to feel the tears at the corner of his eyes. He feels so stupid. He really should have stopped sooner.

"He's going to call you if you send that." Micky looks at the message, watching as Gon puts his thumb on the send button. Once he sends it, that's it. Gon isn't one to stay silent. He speaks his feelings.

"We'll see." Gon sends the message and places it down. He crosses his arms, glaring at the phone, remembering all the times he would sit there and wait for a message that would never come.

"So uh...you know we said we were going to order pizza and everything but you never said who was going to pay..." Micky gives Gon this look. "I really want pizza but I don't have no monies-"

"Then how are you going to pay me?" Gon blinks.

"I have money but not for pizza."

"But that doesn't make-" Gon starts to protest only for his whole body to freeze up when his phone starts to ring. Someone is calling him. Gon feels stiff as he looks down. His chest tightens and he swallows hard. Killua is calling him. Why? Why now? After all this time, why call him now? Even if Gon wanted to answer, he couldn't with this voice of his. Gon grips his fists, digging his nails into his palms as he just lets the phone ring. It's almost painful. Not answer Killua's call when he's wanted it for so long.

"Told ya he would call." Micky yawns like he's bored. "Now about that pizza-"

Killua is calling again. Gon squirms, feeling restless, his fingers twitching. He wants to answer-

"Chill out." Micky puts a hand on his shoulder, getting him to breath out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "Think of all the calls he didn't answer." Gon closes his eyes. That does make it easier. Killua didn't answer any of his calls.

Then Killua sends him a text message.

" _Gon, what do you mean I wouldn't recognize you? What's happened?"_ Gon ignores it. Another message. _"Answer the phone Gon."_ Yet another message. _"I need to talk to you."_

How many times has Gon said that? That he needed to talk to Killua? Too many times. Gon just places his phone to the side. He puts it into Killua's jacket before throwing both of them on the floor. He gets under the covers and hides his face into the pillow.

"...So I guess we're not getting pizza?" Micky frowns, watching Gon sulk under the covers.

"When I say i'm not going to text him is when he starts texting me." Gon mumbles. "That doesn't make any sense."

"You know what else doesn't make sense? Not getting pizza."

Gon groans. "Order pizza. You can use my card."

"Yes! Thank you babe!" Micky cheers before leaning over to give Gon a kiss on the cheek before walking over to his drawer where he keeps his card. Gon can still hear his phone going off. Killua is calling him again. "You're being strong." Micky's voice turns soft. Gon peeks at him from under the blanket. He's smiling at him. "I'm proud of you. Keep it up, and you'll see."

"I don't know if I want to see." Gon closes his eyes, not wanting to eat. He just wants to sleep. He's exhausted. Today has been exhausting. Gon covers his head with the pillow, ignoring all the ringing his phone is making.

After two years Killua decides to make an appearance and when he finally comes back to Gon...Gon isn't there waiting for his call like some love struck fool.

Yet every time Gon hears his phone ring, his heart yearns and he has the urge to just rush to his phone and answer it, cheering Killua's name, enjoying the feeling of having the other man call him.

But he fights it and he ignores how cold this bed feels with out Killua's scent around him.

* * *

"I'm pretty sure Killua isn't going to let you come along." Gon glances over at Micky who is walking by his side. Gon woke up and Micky's hair had changed. Now his hair is completely black and he took off his lip and tongue piercing, much to Gon's disappointment. He's wearing a suit too and his hair is brushed back. He looks like a completely different person.

"Uh he will when he hears i'm your manger and I go with you everywhere or maybe I should say i'm your boyfriend? Nah he'd never let me come if I said that. I think we should just stick with manager." Micky hums, waving at a couple of people who were staring at them. "I have to say, I did a good job picking your clothes."

"Yeah you did." Gon looks down at the dark jeans he's wearing that hug his thighs and butt tightly. He's wearing a black long sleeved shirt that covers his chest but they're still noticeable. Gon just wanted to cover up more for Alluka. Killua said he wanted him to do that. All his outfits go good together and right now Micky is carrying their suitcase of clothes and things they'll need.

"Can believe you went to sleep last night and left me with a whole pizza. I ate the whole thing. You see what you make me do? When I get fat, know it's your fault." Micky whines, rubbing his stomach which is flat and toned.

"I wasn't the one complaining all night about pizza." Gon huffs. "And you could have saved me some pizza, I would have ate it-"

"You snooze you lose, literally." Micky chuckles at his lame joke, Gon shaking his head but he can't help to smile. Micky doesn't make him feel so bad. He woke up feeling awful. He had a nightmare again about that day and the memory of yesterday is haunting him as well. Gon hasn't looked at his phone since last night. Micky said Killua called him a bunch of times. He finally stopped late at night. Gon feels like he's on withdraw. He really wants to call Killua back, he really wants to text him.

This whole thing is a lot harder than he thought. Even though Gon is about to see Killua soon and travel with him again, it's not the same. He's not Gon. He's Grace. Gon can't be happy about seeing Killua like this. This isn't how he wanted it.

"Grace!" Gon brightens up when he sees Alluka waving at him from a bench she's sitting at. Her eyes are wide and she's waving both of her arms. Gon tenses when he sees Killua sitting next to Alluka. His face is blank, no emotion, his body as still as a statue. His hair is covering his eyes and his lips are in a tight line. "I'm glad you came early. Brother was going to leave as soon as it turned 8." Alluka runs up to him, whispering this before looking back at Killua who has just looked up.

He locks eyes with Gon, getting his heart to flutter annoyingly before he looks over at Micky. His eyes narrow. "Who is this?"

"Hello. I'm Micky, Grace's manager." Micky holds out his hand. Killua stares at it before glaring up at Micky. "I'll be traveling with Grace, carrying her things and helping her when ever she needs it."

"We don't need you running around with us." Killua snaps and his voice is nasty. Gon can tell, he was always able to tell when Killua is in a bad mood. This one is a really bad mood.

"I do need him." Gon steps in, standing tall when those dark eyes land on Gon.

"That's just fucking great." Killua mumbles under his breath, standing up, his bangs in his face, hiding those eyes away from Gon. "This day couldn't get any better. Not only do we have bimbo here but we have her cooky manager as well." Killua looks up, glaring darkly at Gon. His eyes are a little bit puffy. Gon can see that right away. " If he tries anything i'll kill him and you. If you're trying something against me, I will kill you."

"Brother! Grace isn't going to do anything." Alluka frowns at her brother.

"You won't even notice that i'm there." Micky smiles sweetly, closing his eyes in his smile.

"I doubt that." Killua grunts, stuffing his hands into his pockets. "We're going now-" Killua stops when his eyes fall on the jacket Gon is hugging against his chest. Killua raises his eyebrow. "Why didn't you throw that out? It still has your blood on it. It's not like you can wear that out in public."

Gon finds himself flushing, hugging the jacket closer to himself. He shouldn't be carrying it around. He should of thrown it out but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"I don't have any jackets so..." Gon tries to make up an excuse before he huffs. Whatever. He doesn't really care what Killua thinks of Grace. "I just want to keep it. It makes me happy."

"You're weird." Killua's eyebrows furrow and his lips tug in a frown for some reason when he looks at his face.

"You should have seen her smelling it-"

"Micky!" Gon gasps, his face heating up as he punches him in the shoulder.

"Ow!" Micky whines.

Killua's nose wrinkles in disgust. " What the hell is wrong with you?" Gon tenses at Killua saying that, his stomach twisting in guilt. Gon rubs his arm, swallowing down what he's feeling. He's tired of feeling like this. Tired of the nightmares. He's tired of guilt.

"A lot of things are wrong with me." Gon smiles at Killua, but he knows it doesn't reach his eyes. "But i'm keeping the jacket."

"Models right?" Micky chuckles, patting Gon on the back a little roughly. "So where are we going? And where will me and my lovely lady stay?"

"Just follow me." Killua narrows his eyes at Gon. And then Micky. "No modeling stuff while you're with us. No telling where we are either. When you're with us, you're on break."

"Got it." Gon nods, smiling when Alluka walks to stand by him, giving him a soft smile.

"No modeling. Grace needed a vacation. Thank you for letting us come with you. Grace has taken a liken to Alluka. I've heard a lot about you." Micky smiles gently at Alluka, getting her to flush.

"Let's go." Killua narrows his eyes at Micky when he sees him smiling like that at his sister. He grabs Alluka's hand and starts pulling her along. Gon and Micky look at each other before they follow behind.

"I can't believe you said that." Gon sighs, whispering over at Micky who grins, biting back laughter.

"I had to. It's not like he knows who you are really." Micky whispers back, nudging Gon with his elbow.

"I'm going to get you back for that." Gon grins playfully.

"Pssh. Bring it. You can't embarrass me anymore than I just embarrassed you." Micky waves him off.

"What are you two whispering about?" Killua glares at them, snapping. Killua is touchy today. His mood is off. Gon can tell. It's strange that Killua didn't put up much of a fight with Micky coming. It's like he's just rushing to get this over with.

"Nothing." Gon waves Killua off. It's none of his business. Since Killua was keeping everything away from him all this time.

"How long have you been Grace's manager?" Alluka smiles back at Micky.

"Man how long has it been?" Micky smiles at Gon before he turns that smile on Alluka. "It's been awhile. A few years now."

"Are you the one who took care of Grace' shoulder?" Alluka looks at Gon's shoulder, the bandage easily seen through his shirt.

"Yup. I use to be a nurse a long time ago. The medical treatments sure do come in handy." Micky smiles his eyes closing. "I shouldn't have let Grace out of my sight. It was my fault...Yesterday was. I wanted to thank you personally for saving Grace." Micky smiles at Killua who grunts.

"I came in at the last minute. She had taken care of a large group of them by herself." Killua glances back at them. "Her martial art skills must be impressive."

"Ah yes. She's been training since she was small. Her father was crazy protective." Micky smiles.

"You sure like to talk for her a lot." Killua narrows his eyes.

"Forgive me. It's a habit hard to break. I'm always talking for her when it comes to the fans and crazy people." Micky rubs the back of his head. "I'm a motor mouth. But she talks for herself as well."

"Are you feeling alright Alluka?" Gon smiles at Alluka when she looks back at him.

"Yeah I'm fine! I'm just...really happy." She smiles, her eyes so bright. "I'm excited to have you around Grace."

Gon smiles, his chest warming up. He may not be Grace, but he can feel happy as her.

"I'm excited too." Gon beams.

"We have a plane to get on." Killua grunts, his voice harsh and irratated.

"Is something wrong Killua?" Gon can't help to ask. Can't help to wonder. And he wonders if it's because of what he said last night. He wonders if that's why his mood is off.

"Yeah." Killua looks back at him for a moment before looking forward. "You're here."

Gon doesn't speak to him anymore for awhile after that.

* * *

"He's in a nasty mood isn't he?" Micky whispers to him, sitting next to him on the plane, Gon taking his eyes from off the clouds to look at him. Killua is sitting a cross from them with Alluka, his arms crossed but there's this blank look on his face. An empty look in those blue eyes. Gon doesn't like it.

"Yeah." Gon hugs the jacket close to him. "I want to know what's wrong. But I can't get close as Grace. I can't get close as Gon either."

"I know what's wrong." Micky smirks. " He's upset about what you texted him last night and the fact you're not answering his calls. He's having a fit on the inside and this is what we're seeing on the outside."

"I use to be able to read Killua really well." Gon looks at Killua for a moment, the ex-assassin looking over at him, glaring. Gon frowns. "I can't tell if Killua is upset or just irritated i'm not answering his calls. He doesn't look worried. Nor really sad."

"Yeah. It just seems like someone pissed on his food or something." Micky sighs. "It's irritation. He's only slightly irritated that you aren't answering his calls."

"...I want to believe it's more than that. I don't know what I was expecting. Iguess I thought he would be a wreck, like I would be if Killua said that to me." Gon is feeling irritated himself. The more he stays around Killua, the more it proves the distance between them and how they're not as close as they use to be but Gon still is holding onto this hope. He can't let it go, just like he couldn't throw away Killua's jacket.

"Don't worry." Micky puts a hand on his shoulder. "We'll get him back."

Gon doesn't want to get him back. He's not sure what he wants at this point.

 **Here you go! Thanks for the support!**


	5. Chapter 5

"This is going to be your room." Killua grunts, opening a door for them. Gon walks in, raising his eyebrow at this place that looks like it's been abandoned a long time ago. The room looks dusty and the floor is covered in a white substance. Gon's sensitive nose wrinkles from all the dust and he has to cover his mouth when he sneezes.

"Bless you Grace." Alluka smiles apologetic. "I know this place isn't the cleanest. I can help you clean your room if you like."

"No, that's okay. I'm sure me and Micky can manage." Gon smiles at Alluka, he glances over at Killua who is staring at nothing in particular. His blue eyes glossy. He's been like this since the plane ride, barely talking to anyone and when he does speak, it comes out in a sharp tone.

"So I guess I'm going to be the one to ask, why are we in this dump?" Micky narrows his eyes at the bed that has sheets that are yellowed in age. "We traveled for half a day just to get to this cabin that looks like it would have some crazy guy with a chainsaw living in it."

"If you're going to complain, you're free to leave." Killua glares at Micky. "I have no issues with you two leaving right now."

"I don't mind it." Gon looks back into his room before looking out of the window, looking at the tall trees. This place is more of his element anyway. "The forest looks fun. I'd like to explore it." Gon looks over at Killua, the other man looking at him strangely. _Careful. He's giving you a look. Did you say something that was too much like Gon?_ "S-So why are we here?"

"Big brother is on a job!" Alluka speaks up when Killua looks like he's not going to answer. "He said this cabin will be best for me to stay in so I'll be safe when he goes out. Now that I have you Grace, I don't mind being left alone."

"Micky, when I'm gone you're going to be staying in this room. I don't want you around by sister while i'm not around." Killua narrows his eyes at Micky who looks offended.

"What? Why? Who do you see me as?" Micky pouts.

"Just listen to me." Killua's eyes flash darker in warning. Gon's heart beats faster and he can't help to stare at Killua in admiration. He's forgotten how cool Killua can be, how he can change those bright blue eyes into sharp orbs of a predator.

"Killua is so cool." Gon beams, only to stop when Killua gives him this weird look mixed with a glare. He shouldn't be calling him cool. Not with what's been happening. Not with how he's been ignoring him. Gon glares away from Killua, feeling a flare up of anger and annoyance. Killua was about to say something smart but when he caught how Gon completely changed in a short matter of time, he stares at him with confusion.

"Let's get cleaning Grace. We have a lot of work to do." Micky wraps his arm around his waist, getting Gon to look at him. Micky smiles sweetly over at Killua. "Excuse us." Micky smiles over at Gon, speaking right before they get in the room. "I need to tell you about what's been going on with me! That guy has been texting me more often recently. He's so hot. It sucks you didn't get to meet him but I just found out who he is! He's that hunter that fought the ants! Remember how that was all in the news? He's that Gon freeces-"

"What are you talking about?" Gon's eyes widen when Killua is by Micky in a flash, grabbing his arm to stop him from walking anymore. Killua's face is strained, the veins in his arm sticking out, the ex-assassin using all he has to not shatter Micky's arm. "How do you know Gon?"

"I met him a couple of months back. I didn't know who he was at the time but I was sweep away by how handsome he was. He had these big amber eyes that glowed like the sun and his skin was such a delicious shade. His voice was deep, like a song." Micky's eyes get half lidded, Killua's face is getting more scrunched up, his aura starting to come out of him. "Grace was modeling so I was alone. I got to talk to him and then we exchanged numbers and we've been talking ever since."

"Gon never told me anything about you." Killua's eyes narrow. Gon can't help to tense. He's not sure what Micky is trying to do but Killua knows that Gon has been telling him everything that has happened to him till recently. Now he's suspicious of Micky-

"Maybe there are some things he didn't tell you." Micky tilts his head, Killua's shoulders shaking. "Come to think of it, I don't remember Gon saying anything about you either." Something flashes through Killua's eyes, his lips turning in a frown. "Maybe Gon just wanted to wait on telling you about me, we've been talking about dating but we haven't gotten the chance to meet up-"

"Now I know you're lying." Killua snarls, pushing Micky roughly against the wall. Gon's eyes widen from Killua's aggression. His blue eyes have gotten dangerous, his fingers turning into claws. "Gon isn't gay. He wouldn't want to date someone like you."

"I have to disagree with you. Gon certainly is gay. You should have seen the way he kissed me. He loved it. I'm surprised Gon didn't tell you about his sexual orientation. You guys must not be as close as the news made you out to be-"

"Micky stop." Gon's eyes widen when Killua's aura sparks out, threatening to shock Micky. Micky is just pissing Killua off. He's going to end up hurting him.

"You did not kiss him!" Killua growls, pulling his hand back like he's about to punch Micky-

"Killua stop it." Gon grabs his arm, catching it-

"Don't touch me." Killua pushes Gon away, his finger nails cutting into his cheek as he does so. Gon hits the side of the wall, the sting of the cut, and the wetness of his blood oozing out isn't nothing. Killua's eyes widen, looking over at Gon before looking down at his hand. His nails turn back to normal and he lets go of Micky, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Brother why did you do that?" Alluka yells at him as she runs over to Gon, looking at him in concern. "Grace are you alright?"

"Tsk." Killua grinds his teeth, gripping his fists in till his knuckles turn white. He turns on his heel and walks off down the hallway.

"I'm fine Alluka. This is nothing." Gon reassures when Alluka frowns, looking him over. "It's just a cut." Gon smiles. "Killua didn't mean to hurt me." Gon knows him enough to know when something is intentional or not. Killua got really mad about what Micky was saying. He was losing his cool.

"Still big brother was being mean to Micky as well. He shouldn't have gotten so worked up." Alluka frowns. Gon looks over at Micky, wanting to question his actions. Why get Killua all worked up with lies? Killua had been in a mood all day, what's taunting him going to do?- Gon's stomach turns when he catches this strange smile on Micky's face as he watches Killua walk away. It's gone so quickly but Gon caught the smile on Micky's face and how his eyes crinkled in pure _bliss._

"...Micky?" Gon raises his eyebrow, Micky turning towards him, the look gone.

"Please forgive my brother. He gets crazy when it comes to Gon." Alluka looks up at Micky. "Is it true that you've been talking to Gon?"

"Yes it is." Micky smiles sweetly.

"How...How has he been? Is he okay?"Alluka frowns deeply. "Has he really not said anything about big brother?"

"He hasn't said anything about Killua, no. Gon does seem a little down though. He smiles and you'd think he's the happiest person but there's something about him. A secret I guess. I wouldn't know. I'm not that close to him." Micky sighs. "honestly I just want to get with him."

"Um...Um..." Alluka's face gets tinted but there's such a fire of determination there that whatever Gon was about to say is caught in his throat. "Mr. Micky...If you have Gon's number, can you please give it to me?"

Micky stares at her for a moment before smiling sweetly. "Of course. Just don't try to steal him away from me now with that pretty face of yours~"

"T-That's not why I want it." Alluka defends, her face getting redder as she gets out her cell phone. Gon is surprised when Micky tells Alluka Gon's number without looking at anything. He has it memorized. "Thanks." Alluka's eyes light up before she grabs Gon by the wrist. "Grace i'm going to help you clean up your wound! Lets go!"

"Okay." Gon blinks as he's pulled by Alluka quickly, letting himself be lead away from Micky, his long black hair swaying behind him, hitting his back. He glances back at Micky, still wondering what on earth he's planning.

"I'll get started on the cleaning." Micky closes his eyes in his smile, disappearing into their room. Gon's eyebrows furrow. He's not sure what he felt back there, whether it was bad or if he disliked it, when Micky had smiled. The smile seemed out of place for the situation. It looked like he took a bite out of something delicious, his lips parted into the sensation. Gon wouldn't say he's uneasy but he does feel confused. He doesn't understand Micky's actions right now or how he knew Killua would go where the target is- Unless Killua's job is to get the same guy they're looking for! Gon's eyes widen in realization. But...How did Micky know about Killua's job-

"This is great Grace." Alluka's voice breaks Gon out of his thoughts as he's pulled into a bathroom, Alluka shutting the door behind them. Gon blinks when Alluka smiles at him brightly, those blue eyes shinning as she holds out her cell phone. "I have Gon's number! And big brother doesn't even know! I can finally talk to him myself!"

"Yeah!" Gon smiles, not able to help it, his heart lifting from her enthusiasm and her love for Killua. It's strange talking about himself but right now, he's Grace. "What are you going to say to him?"

"I'm not sure yet." Alluka calms down, her lips twitching into a frown. Gon's eyebrows furrow, not liking the change in her. "Something happened to big brother." Alluka looks at Gon seriously. "Remember at the ball I told you how he hasn't been texting Gon?"

"Yeah?" Gon shifts, knowing what she's about to say, knowing he's the cause of this behavior in Killua.

"Well...the night before we came to get you, I was sleeping in my bed next to big brothers. Most of the time big brother checks his messages and just looks at his phone. But that night he was restless. He was moving around in his bed and he kept texting on his phone, I could hear it. He thought I was asleep. Big brother started pacing around the room and when I finally needed to ask what was wrong, big brother just stopped and laid back in bed. He told me to go to sleep. I don't think he slept that night though. Big brother has been in a sour mood since. I think something happened between him and Gon." Alluka's eyes get glossed over in thought. "I bet I know what it is."

"What do you think it is?" Gon says too softly. He could picture all Alluka just told him. Killua laying in bed in the darkness, his blue, sharp eyes piercing through the darkness as he reads his messages, deciding after two years to finally text Gon. He can picture him getting restless when Gon messaged him back that he wouldn't speak with him again. Then the pacing came when he wouldn't answer his messages or calls. But the question is, was Killua pacing because he was just angry Gon wasn't answering? Is Killua just angry with him? Does he understand that Killua has been doing this same thing to Gon for two years? Is he even making the connection?

"I bet they had a fight. Big brother hasn't been texting Gon and then he decides to text him...I bet Gon is really angry at big brother. That's why big brother is so upset." Alluka frowns deeply.

"He doesn't look upset. He just looks pissed off." Gon finds himself saying, surprised at the own bite in his voice...Gon knows Killua. He knows he hides his emotions. He likes to keep them hidden. He likes to put on an act. It just upsets Gon he can no longer tell what Killua is thinking. He's lost that ability. He's lost that closeness.

"Why do people get angry?"Alluka gets a piece of toilet paper to wipe away the blood running down Gon's cheek before applying pressure. "Anger comes from getting hurt, or seeing someone else get hurt. You can either get sad or angry. I feel like big brother is upset right now. That's why he got so worked up when Micky started talking about Gon...and that Gon didn't say anything about him. Gon is important to big brother. I don't understand what big brother thinks sometimes, and I don't understand why he hadn't been texting Gon, and I know it was wrong for big brother to do but I love him. I don't want to see him upset. So I think...I'm going to beg Gon to forgive big brother- Eh Grace why are you crying?! Does it hurt?" Alluka's eyes widen when Gon starts to tear up, his chest heaving.

He couldn't help it. His emotions just started welling up like water boiling up from a pot, this feeling rumbling in his chest, reaching his throat, making it feel tight. Alluka doesn't need to beg him to forgive Killua. Forgiveness towards Killua is as easy as Killua saying sorry. Forgiveness is as easy as Killua explaining himself. Forgiveness is as easy as Killua coming back into his life. Gon could never hold a grudge against his dearest friend.

Alluka shouldn't be the one texting him for forgiveness. It should be Killua. Killua should be the one explaining himself. Alluka loves her brother so much and she understands him. They've gotten so close in these four years. Now that he's up close and personal he sees it now. Killua has grown so far away from him, the space between them is large but Alluka has kept Killua company. Alluka is looking after Killua now, and Killua is looking after her. They're family. Maybe there is no room for him anymore.

He's not needed.

"N-No it doesn't hurt." Gon holds Alluka's hand against his cheek, swallowing down the lump in his throat, sniffling when Alluka started to freak out. "Sorry, seeing how much you love your brother got me emotional for a moment. I'm sure this Gon would forgive your brother without you begging him. But I think...he may want to hear an apology from Killua himself."

"I didn't know Grace was so sensitive!" Alluka's eyes light up before she smiles softly. "hehe that's cute. I do love my big brother! More than anything even though he can be stubborn at times." Alluka cleans Gon's cut with soap, patting it dry. She gets a band-aid from the first aid kit on the wall before putting it on his cheek. "I know Gon will want to hear it from big brother but...I don't know what the reason is, But it's going to be hard to get Brother to do it. Gon will want an explanation as to why big brother hasn't been texting him but...I don't even know why. He won't tell me. I wonder if he even knows the reason." Alluka's blue eyes get deep.

Gon dries his eyes, taking in what Alluka just said. Is that even possible? Could Killua have stopped texting him without even knowing why? Gon doesn't believe that. Did Killua just decided out of no where that their relationship would be one-sided? That he would just look at his messages but not reply? Why? Gon wants to march out of this room. He wants to grab Killua by the shirt and shake him around for answers. He wants to yell in his face like they use to do if they got frustrated with each other, he wants Killua to yell at Gon in response. Gon wants Killua to respond to him properly.

"Hey Grace, do you have any family?" Gon is ripped from his thoughts once again by Alluka looking at him with curious blue eyes.

"Yes. I miss them too." Gon smiles thinking about Mito. "After all this is over, I'm thinking about meeting up with my aunt-" Gon tenses from saying that but Alluka's eyes light up.

"maybe I could meet your aunt?" Alluka smiles sheepishly when that came out a bit loud. "Er if you want that is-"

"I would like that." Gon smiles. He would like taking Alluka to whale island. He'd also like Killua to be there too.

"I'm going to take a shower. I feel gross from being on a plane for so long. After I get out would you like to paint each others nails? I've always wanted to do that! We could play dress up with some of the clothes I brought with me!" Alluka's eyes sparkle.

"Sure that sounds like fun." Gon beams, thinking about Alluka in cute dresses. It might be nice to wear a dress again too.

Gon walks out of the bathroom, taking a deep breath, leaving Alluka to take her shower. Gon glances down the hallway where Micky is. Gon bites his lip, his heart beating faster and he grips his fists as he turns and starts heading the opposite way. He probably shouldn't do this. Not when he's in this state but he can't go into a separate room when Killua is so close. He can't just walk away and pretend nothing is wrong. He's tired of not knowing, tired of the space between them. Yeah he's angry that Killua has ignored him for two years. He's hurt too. He just wants to know the truth. He just wants to talk to Killua again.

He yearns for the past but he messed all that up along time ago.

Gon knocks on the door that he can smell Killua through. Gon could never forget his scent. It doesn't take long before the door opens, Killua standing before him in nothing but sweat pants, his shirt off. Whatever train of thought Gon had is lost as he takes in his old friend's fit body. Damn it he's gotten even more muscular! His skin looks like porcelain so pale and flawless, the flesh looks fragile but what's underneath it is monstrous power. Gon's eyes stare at the toned chest and board shoulders, traveling down rippling abs to the V shape of his hips that dip down into his sweat pants. Muscular and lean. He looks so smooth, his skin so pretty like the moon's sunlight dancing off of a lake filled with fireflies-

"Are you just going to drool over me or is there something that you want?" Killua snaps. Gon swallows the saliva in his mouth, realizing that his mouth was watering. He looks up slowly, locking eyes with sharp purple. Killua's eyebrow raises when Gon glares at him. He can feel an irritation well up inside him.

Not only is Killua taller than him but he still has more muscle than him. He can tell he's gotten even stronger. He's still ahead of him! Curse his lack of nen for years!

"Ugh Killua you piss me off!"Gon groans, grabbing his head. He wishes he had his own body back so he could show Killua his own fit body. He wants to compete with his friend again. "Damn it I thought for sure I would be at least-" Gon stops when he realizes what he's about to say, his childish nature almost getting the better of him.

"You would at least be?" Killua raises his eyebrow. "Are you crazy or something?" Gon pouts, crossing his arms against his chest. Killua looks away from him. "What? Are you angry about the cut? I don't know what to tell you. Don't get in my way."

"Then don't get carried away." Gon says back, getting Killua to glare at him.

"Who the fuck are you telling me what to do? You do realize that I could rip your head from off your shoulders."

"I'd like to see you try." Gon narrows his eyes at the challenge, his heart picking up speed and an excitement spreading.

Killua stares at him for a moment before grinning. "Wow." He whistles. "You're stupider than I thought. Is their a reason for your confidence? Do you really think you could fight me?With karate?"

"I don't just think I could fight you." Gon grips his fists. "I have a good chance of being able to defeat you."

"Please." Killua scoffs. He actually laughs. "You can keep having that fantasy if you want. What's with you? Are you pissed because I messed up that face of yours? Did I mess up your modeling work." Killua smirks.

"Just a little cut wouldn't mess up my face." Gon puffs out his cheeks. "you didn't cause that much damage."

"Really? Your eyes are puffy like you've been crying." Killua smirks. "You're a big baby. Stop acting like you're tough shit and get out of my face-"

"I wasn't crying over your stupid cut. You think this is anything?!" Gon shoves Killua, his anger getting the better of him. Gon ignores how good it felt to feel Killua's bare chest on his hands. _Gon, get out of there_. Killua stumbles back, his eyes widening, looking surprised only for his face to get scrunched up, his eyes dark. "That's not why I was crying."

"That's quite a shove." Killua's voice is deep, those eyes on him, watching his every move like a cat watching a mouse. "You and your manager are full of surprises. First your manager being a nen user and then your attitude and slight strength-"

"How do you know my manager is a nen user?" Gon's eyes widen in surprise.

"His body reacted to protect himself when I grabbed a hold of him. IT wasn't much but I could feel it." Killua's eyes narrow. "Why did you keep that from me?"

"You didn't ask." Gon straightens himself out, swallowing when Killua keeps staring at him with those purple eyes unblinking. He's locked on him.

"And it's funny how you were able to take care of all those men by yourself and get out of metal cuffs. That man had taken some bad damage before I showed up, and he was a nen user. Karate doing all that is amazing. Please teach me what you did." Killua starts to walk closer towards him, Gon doesn't back up though.

"That's my secret." Gon glares but he's starting to freak out. Killua isn't stupid. Thanks to his stupid shove and the show of his strength, Killua is already putting it together that they aren't who they say they are.

"You were at the hunter ball, yet stated it was a family member who was a hunter. They weren't there, or at least you didn't show them to us. I find it interesting."  
"..." Gon grips his fists. He didn't come here for Killua to be agonizing him and trying to get answers out of him. No. Killua is suppose to be giving him answers. "Why did you get so angry with my manager?" Gon finds himself saying when Killua gets right on him. His heat is so close.

"Don't change the subject-"

"You got so angry when he started talking about Gon. At the ball you were acting like you didn't even care if he showed up or not. So why get all angry with my manager for talking about his interest in Gon?-"

"Because he's a fucking liar!" Killua snaps, his face wrinkling up, his eyes flashing. "Gon wouldn't be into him. He likes girls. He's a fucking chick magnet. He was spreading lies-"

"How would you know if they're lies? Did Gon tell you he's not into guys?"

"He didn't tell me and he doesn't need to. I know. You don't know him like I do. He's been dating girls since he was younger than twelve!...So yeah." Killua's chest heaves a bit before he calms down.

"That doesn't mean he doesn't like guys-"

"That's disgusting." Gon's heart sinks, his face falling before he glares.

"What's disgusting about it? What's wrong with Gon liking a guy-"

"What's wrong is that it's not true! Stop filling my head up with this shit! Making me think for a moment that..." Killua's voice trails off, his nose flaring.

"Would you hate him if he liked men?" Gon questions, rubbing his arm, feeling nervous despite everything.

"Of course not." Killua answers quickly. He glares at Gon who looks at him with wide eyes, his heart beating faster. "I could never hate him-" Killua's eyes widen and he looks away, snarling at the wall. "What the hell am I doing talking to you about this? It's my business."

"And that's my manager you attacked." Gon counters, feeling proud of himself. "you've been in a bad mood since yesterday." Gon's expression softens when Killua's eyes flash. "...Did something happen Killua?" Maybe there was something in his voice because instead of getting angry, Killua looks over at him slowly, those blue eyes staring at him intently, searching his for something.

"you're trying to focus on me. Talk. You're a hunter aren't you? My question is why are you following us around." Killua avoids Gon's question, crossing his arms.

"I want to be Alluka's friend...I want to be around you." Gon looks down at his hands that he grips. Killua is smart.

"Why were you hiding the small amount of strength you have?"

"Because of reasons." Gon mumbles.

"You can use nen can't you?"

"..." Gon doesn't like where this is going.

"Show me your license."

"I don't have it on me."

"Show me your nen."

"No." Gon says firmly, glaring at Killua who's eyes narrow. "I'm not here to hurt you or Alluka. I just want to be your friend. I just want answers."

"Answers?" This catches his attention.

"I also have a target. The same target you have for your job."

"Really? So you're on a job right now?" Killua narrows his eyes. "I don't believe that."

"Huh?" Gon tilts his head.

"It's obvious that your so called manger is controlling you. He's got strings on you, like a puppet." Killua shakes his head. "I was going to wait to kill you in your sleep and blame it on my target but i'll tell you now. Leave. This is a message to your puppeteer. Whatever you want from my sister you're not going to get."

"I'm not a puppet-" Gon frowns, not liking how quickly the situation has changed.

"A puppet who doesn't know they're a puppet. Pathetic." Killua smirks. "I don't know what he was thinking, that you could seduce me or make me lose my concentration? That I wouldn't see through him? I know a manipulator when I see one. I've grown up surrounded by them."

"manipulator?" Gon blinks. Micky is a specialist isn't he? Not a manipulator... "I wasn't trying to do anything like that."

Killua stares at him for a moment before shaking his head. "He must of done something to your brain if you can't see it. I'm sure he can hear what i'm saying through you. Just go back to him. If you don't leave, I will see to it that you're destroyed-"

"Why did you let us come this far if you thought we were lying?" Gon can't help to question, his lips trembling. This wasn't suppose to happen. He shouldn't have come here.

"I wasn't sure. What you did and what Micky did proved to me that you're lying. I had my suspicions but I didn't act like I did." Killua grunts. "I'm not called a hunter for no reason."

Killua is good. Amazing. He had him fooled. He was able to figure out what's going on mostly. Except for him saying he's a puppet. "It's not like I was worried about you or him. Alluka took a liking to you. But you don't have your own will-"

"Stop saying that. I do have my own will. I chose to do this. I chose to come here with you. I want to make friends with Alluka. I want to be here-"

"Is it truly your feelings though? Did you truly want to come here?" Killua presses, his face becoming blank.

"I...I wanted to be around you again." Gon swallows, a bead of sweat falling down the side of his face, his body overheating suddenly.

"What are you talking about?" Killua raises his eyebrow.

"I just wanted to know why you did it-" Gon is starting to feel sick. "Killua..." Gon needs to put an end to this, his stomach is clenching up. "It's me-" Gon tries to speak but he can't. His throat closes up and such a strong wave of nausea hits him that he falls to his knees, holding his stomach, gasping. "K-Killua-" Gon tries again, he gets his name out but can't tell him who he is. Gon tries to reach to take out the contacts but his hand won't listen to him.

Gon has broken out in a cold sweat. Oh no. The realization hits him hard, Killua seeing it before he saw it himself. He stares up at Killua with wide eyes, his face pale.

"Oh? You see now? How you're a puppet?" Killua isn't smirking anymore.

"M-Micky what are you doing to me?" Gon tries, gripping his shirt, trembling. He gags, trying to find some relief in this feeling but nothing comes up.

 _Sorry,love. I couldn't have you telling him our little secret now could I? How well can you fight without using your nen Gon?_

Gon takes a deep breath when the nausea leaves him and he's able to stand up again but he's wobbly. He holds his stomach, looking at Killua who is only watching him. He's not looking at him in concern or questioning what's happening to him. Killua spreads his legs, he's getting ready to fight. He's getting ready to fight him.

 _Get ready Gon. IT's time to face your next target._

Gon's stomach clenches, his blood leaving his face. Killua is his next target? Why? What is going on? Gon makes no move to get into a fighting stance, he fights against this urge his body has to lunge towards Killua.

"Your puppet master left a long time ago. I sensed him go. Still, he's able to have control over you from this far away. That's pretty impressive."

 _Don't forget what he's done to you._ Images flash through Gon's mind, he sees himself waiting for hours for Killua to message him. He sees these last two years pass through his mind and then he sees Killua reading them, saying nothing. There's a ringing in his head, a madness that's seeping through the cracks in his mind that were made that day long ago in that cursed forest.

"Why?!" Gon screams, he roars, his chest heaving, his eyes burning with a bright fire before he charges towards Killua, his arms out, ready to swing, ready to strike. This feeling is overwhelming, making his mind into mush. All he knows is that he wants to know why. All those feelings of loneliness and self hate crack his mind more till it feels like he's about to shatter. The pressure needs release. That release is from Killua's pain.

Killua side steps him easily but Gon is right on him, He tries to punch him but Killua dodges it, moving his body away from him as he moves back and Gon moves forward. He doesn't' think of nen or getting the upper hand. He just wants to hit him. This ringing in his ears is getting louder, and his feelings can't be stopped.

"Why, Why, why, why! Do you hate me that much!" Gon roars just as Killua punches him in the face, sending him across the room, and into the wall hard. Gon groans as he lands on his feet and runs after Killua again, this time with no want of hitting Killua. The ex-assassin sends him flying back with a punch to the gut. Without using nen, these hits could kill him but Killua is being easy on him. Gon coughs up a bit of blood, trembling from the hit to the stomach. The ringing and his feelings send him forward again but he fights against his body that wants to attack Killua. He just wants to get closer.

"It's not that I hate you in particular. You're annoying but even I can see you're just a dumb ass that got tricked into something. If you don't keep it down, my sister will get worried." Killua's eyes narrow when Gon charges towards him again, being smacked down easily by Killua, his lip bleeding. "Why would you pick such a weak girl to control? You aren't doing anything to me. I will easily kill her."

A wave of nausea hits Gon again when he tries to take out his contacts. He groans, holding his stomach but he forces himself up, gagging as he does so. He walks towards Killua, his eyes burning with a fire of determination. Gon doesn't care how wrong this is. He's not panicked about what Micky has done to him. He just wants to understand Killua first and then he can worry about Micky.

"Stay down." Killua snarls, grabbing Gon by the neck and lifting him up, his grip tight. Gon can't breath. Killua tightens his grip, not letting up. He's trying to choke him out. Gon grabs his arm, willing his nen to come out but nothing but pain shoots up his back and he gasps. Gon tries to kick Killua to get him off, but everything is hurting.

"K...ill...ua." Gon's vision is starting to go white, everything around him become fuzzy. With the last of his strength he swings his body and kicks Killua in the chest, a bit of nen coming out allowing him to kick Killua away from him, the ex-assassin skidding back a couple of feet. Gon takes deep breaths, holding his throat, gasping for air, coughing.

"...That felt like..." Killua looks down at his stomach, touching where Gon had kicked, his blue eyes wide before he looks at Gon. His eyebrows furrow when Gon takes a step forward. He's bleeding out of his lip and mouth but Gon isn't going to give up.

"Tell me...why...do you hate Gon so much? Why have you stopped talking to him? Do you not care anymore?"

"Why do you keep bringing him into this?!" Killua's eyes flash and he gets stiff. "Of course I don't hate him! Of course I care! Get your nose out of business it doesn't belong-" Gon is on him in seconds, hitting him hard in the jaw. Killua snarls, grabbing him tightly by the arms and flipping them over so he's on top, glaring down at him.

"You don't...act like you care. I know you loved me in the past. I don't know about now."

"What are you-" Killua stops. He freezes, his breath hitching and his shoulders tensing. It looks like he's just seen a ghost as he looks down at Gon. "Y-Your eyes, you were wearing contacts..." Killua takes a deep breath, something clicking in his head and he leans closer, all that aggression leaving him, this pained expression taking it's place. "No way...Gon?"

"So you know the truth." Gon grinds his teeth when a wave of sickness hits him, turning his stomach and he starts to cough uncontrollably when Micky comes in through an open window. Killua whips his head over towards Micky but his arms have shot out, wrapping around Gon protectively, holding him against his body. Gon leans into his warmth, his body trembling from feeling so cold all of a sudden. Damn it, his mind is all fuzzy. "Grace is your precious Gon."

"What the fuck have you done to him? How did you turn him into a female? How did you trick him?" Killua bares his teeth, his anger seething. Killua takes a deep breath, calming down as he runs his fingers through Gon's long hair, pressing his head into his chest. Gon can hear his heart beating so fast, his chest so warm and nice. Gon missed this place, so close to Killua's heart. "What do you want from me?"

"I want to make you suffer." Micky's voice turns dark, those blue eyes losing any light that Gon had seen in him. Just when he says that, a pain like no other rips through him, like the muscles in his stomach are slowly ripping like fabric. Gon curls into himself, biting back his whimper but he can't stop himself from trembling or his body from sweating. Killua picks up on it immediately and tightens his grip on Gon.

"Gon!" Killua's eyes flash with his concern before he turns a dangerous gaze towards Micky. "I will kill you-"

"Come one step towards me and i'll rip his intestines from out his stomach." Micky smiles sweetly. Gon screams when it feels like just that is about to happen, the pain becoming too much for him to hold back. He hates how Killua starts to tremble, his eyes wide with fear as he tightens his grip on him, trying to sooth him, trying to protect him.

"Shit stop! I won't do anything." Killua swallows thickly, rubbing the side of Gon's face as he breaths heavily, the pain leaving him and he collapses on Killua, leaning on Killua for his strength. "Don't hurt him"

"I won't as long as you listen to me." Micky smirks. "That's a good boy." Killua doesn't say anything.

"D-Don't let him do that Killua. You're strong. We can fight him together, I can fight him-" Gon tries, not wanting to be saved again. This has gone all wrong. He didn't come here to look weak in front of Killua.

"Gon are you stupid right now? He has the power to kill you. You're staying down." Killua snaps at him. "Stop being so reckless! Have you changed at all?"

Gon's eyes widen, his heart picking up speed. He almost wants to cry. Killua is speaking to him like he did when they were younger. He's being the stable one, holding back Gon who is reckless.

"...Nope." Gon gives him a lopsided smile. Killua stares at it for a moment, a smile twitching at his own lips before he glares forward at Micky. That was the first smile they shared in 4 years.

"Of course not. Your personality is too stubborn even for time." It's not harsh, it anything it's soft. Those eyes turn hard when he sees Micky smirking at them. "What do you want?"

"I want a couple of things. The main thing I want from you though, is a wish." Micky takes a step closer. "I need your sister to heal someone dear to me, if she can do that, I will let Gon go. I'll turn him back to normal as well."

"How do you know about my sisters abilities?"

"That doesn't matter." Micky waves Killua off. "You will do as I say Zoldcyk or your precious Gon will be the one to pay." Micky smirks when Killua's pupils become constricted. "I know what you're thinking. But it won't work. Even if you kill me, Gon won't be safe. The body he has can't survive without me. Killing me is killing him. Even if Gon would live, he could never be turned back."

"Damn it." Killua curses, gripping his fists tightly.

"Damn it is right." Micky smirks. "I'm going to be enjoying my room, you two enjoy each other." Micky winks before he walks off down the hallway, whistling a tune. Gon stares after him, still catching his breath, a bead of sweat falling down his cheek. His heart is still beating fast for all that just happened and Killua's warm chest that's pressed against his head still. Gon's stomach sinks and he grinds his teeth, feeling Killua tense next to him.

"Killua, I'm sorry." Gon looks over at Killua, the other male had his mouth open like he was about to say something but he stops. "This is all my fault but don't worry. I'm going to fix this. I'll stop Micky. If you want to leave with Alluka, that's okay too-"

"If I do that you'll die idiot! Don't be reckless, don't do anything. You're staying here." Killua grabs him by the shoulders, his expression firm. When he notices how close he's gotten, Killua averts his gaze for a moment, closing his eyes. "You have some explaining to do. How did this..." Killua looks Gon up and down before locking eyes with Gon who blinks. "Happen?"

"Um...well that's a long story." Gon rubs the back of his head, feeling a bit sheepish when he recalls how he got into this mess. Killua is going to yell at him. That's for sure.

"Also, what did you mean by this?" Killua pulls out his phone, scrolling before holding out his phone for Gon to see. It's the message he sent him last night. "What's with sending me this and then not responding? Huh?" Killua's eyes narrow. "Did you turn into this last night?"

"Why don't you tell me what's up with you first!" Gon snaps, getting in Killua's face. "I'm the one who should be asking you the questions Killua! What I did to you last night was just a little taste of what you've been doing to me for two years!" Gon growls, watching Killua stiffen. He averts his gaze, his adam's apple bobbing in his throat.

"So you did it to get me back?" Killua smirks, this strange look in his eyes, his voice isn't strong.

"Micky told me I should do it to give you a taste of your own medicine. I did it to see how you would react. I did it to see if you would hurt like me...and I did it to make sure I could. I've been waiting by that phone for two years." Gon growls, gripping his fists tightly. "It pissed me off seeing how irritated you looked today, like me not texting you was just an irritation. A slight annoyance. You're cruel Killua. If you didn't want anything to do with me, you should have just told me. You had me have a one sided conversation with myself for 2 years. I made myself crazy you know? I was worried at first but then I just couldn't accept that you didn't want to talk to me, that you didn't need me..." Gon trails off, getting into dangerous territory.

"I'm the crazy one, not you." Killua's fingers twitch. Gon's eyes widen when Killua wraps his arms around him, hugging him tightly. "Gon...You don't get it. You don't understand and I don't have the skills to explain it."

"...Do you not want me anymore Killua?" Gon swallows down this feeling, Killua's embrace doing strange things to him.

"Don't ask stupid things." Killua tightens his grip on him. "I want you too much." He grinds out, his hug tightening to the point Gon has to hit him on the back to get him to loosen it. Killua pants against his ear, Gon's stomach tightening up, and his heart beating so fast.

"If you still want me, why did you ignore me for two years? Why did you make me worry? I felt alone. I wanted to talk to you all the time, so much so that I was making up conversations in my head. I really went crazy. I missed you like crazy and I told you so in my messages."

"I'm sorry." Killua buries his head in Gon's neck, his breathing uneven. "I missed you too." Killua's voice is barely heard. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it."

"Stop what?" Gon frowns at how Killua trembles.

"I took too long trying to...fix it. I can't. Even now I can't, I still feel...even after being away from you for two years I still..." Killua grinds his teeth so hard that Gon can hear the bones grating together. "Don't tell me how much you missed me. Don't tell me it drove you crazy. Don't. I eat it up, because I'm sick Gon."

"Sick?" Gon raises his eyebrow, not understanding what Killua is saying. "What did you take too long to fix? What are you talking about?"

Killua shakes his head, pulling away from Gon to lock eyes with him. Killua's blue eyes are so deep that Gon finds himself getting lost in them, his heart beating so fast and his chest tightening. _It's Killua.._. "It really is you. I can't believe it." Killua speaks the words Gon was just thinking himself. Gon is surprised when Killua touches his cheek gently, right where he scratched him. His eyes get half lidded. "What mess have you gotten yourself in this time, idiot?"

" A pretty big one." Gon chuckles slightly.

"That's not something to laugh about!" Killua scolds, hitting him lightly on the head. As soon as he does this, the two look at each other in surprise before chuckling some more. How strange, how wonderful. Despite everything, despite not talking for two years, the space is melting away. It's like they're clicking back in place and the air around them is no longer tense. Maybe there is hope. Maybe he can have his Killua back.

"but seriously how did you get this way? You didn't send me anything weird like this in your texts." Killua raises his eyebrow, staring at Gon like he's looking at him for the first time. "And are you...a complete female?" Killua seems a bit reluctant to ask that.

"I got this way because Micky came up to me and offered me a way to get my nen back. And this was the way to get it back. I didn't know he was going to turn me into a woman and I defiantly didn't know he was going to do something strange to my body to control me. And Yup, completely a female. Yeah it's really weird. At first I didn't even know how to go to the bathroom." Gon flushes a little at how Killua's mouth has dropped.

"I-It's gone?!" Killua shakes his head in disbelief and starts to shake Gon. "How could you let some stranger do this to you?! When some strange guy comes up to you and offers you something, you don't take it. Don't you know anything about safety?" Killua narrows his eyes at Gon when the boy pouts. "Why didn't you tell me you couldn't use your nen?" Killua's voice gets more serious. "you never mention that in your texts."

"I didn't want you to worry about me. It was my fault I couldn't use my nen. I didn't want to bring up those memories." Gon admits, his amber orbs shifting away from Killua. "Besides, I was determined to get my nen back through my hard work. If I told you, I was worried you would try to fix it for me. I wanted to rely on myself for once. And of course I failed." Gon grips his fists. Weak. "I guess by the time Micky came, I was good and desperate."

"..." Killua stares at him for a moment before sighing. "Doing things yourself is what gets you into the most trouble. You should have asked for my help, or at least for some guidance-"

"Would you have answered me?" Gon can't help to question. Killua tenses at his tone of voice but he nods his head.

"I would have." Killua has gotten stiff again.

"I don't know..." Gon decides to take a playful tone. "You didn't answer to any of those awesome pictures I sent you so I don't know if you would answer to that. Now that was really mean Killua." Gon pouts.

"Gon you sent me pictures of everything. You even sent me a picture of your waffle that you swore up and down looked like Leorio, when it just looked like a burnt waffle." Killua rolls his eyes but there's a smile tugging at his lips. AT first Gon doesn't know what he's talking about. His eyes widen. He had sent that picture about a year ago. He remembers that waffle. Killua really has been paying close attention to his texts.

"It did look like Leorio." Gon grumbles, crossing his arms. "What about the picture I sent you of that cave?"

"that was pretty awesome." Killua hums, something getting warm inside of Gon. The hunter is still a little confused as to why Killua didn't text him back but Killua obviously still cares. He remembers his pictures. He was paying attention to him...he just didn't let Gon know he was.

"What was your favorite picture?" Gon questions, not able to help it.

"The ones of you." Killua says immediately but once those words left his lips, his cheeks flushed and covered his mouth, glancing away from Gon.

"The ones of me?" Gon's eyes light up, moving closer. Killua moves back.

"Yeah...I liked seeing you." Killua mumbles under his breath. Gon's chest feels so light. That's what he told himself when he sent pictures to Killua, that he liked them. "anyway..." Killua straightens himself out. "Let's talk about the issue at hand. We can reminisce later."

"Okay." Gon's eyebrows furrow, his expression getting serious.

"that guy has got you good. There's nothing I can do to loosen his hold on you. You let him change your body and now he has control of it." Killua grips his fist.

 _Gon come join me in my room._ Gon winces when he hears Micky's voice. Maybe because now it's not welcomed, Micky's voice hurts like a sting.

"What's wrong?" Killua picks up on that.

"Micky is calling me to his room." Gon stands up. "I guess I should go."

"I'll be close by." Killua grinds his teeth, not looking happy with this, his blue eyes looking over with that worry that Gon is familiar with. It's been too long. "I'll let me sister know of the situation."

"Right." Gon starts to walk away from Killua. His eyes widen when Killua grabs his wrist tightly. Gon looks back at Killua, to see the ex-assassin staring at him with trembling blue orbs, this longing, scared look. When their eyes meet, Killua quickly lets go of him, turning his head away, his bangs covering his eyes.

"S-Sorry. Go ahead. I'll be here." Killua doesn't look at him. Where Killua had grabbed him stings, the ex-assassin had gripped with with the force of panic.

"Don't worry Killua. I'll be okay. I'll come back." Gon smiles sweetly, his heart beating faster when Killua looks at him with those blue eyes slowly turning back to normal. Gon's smile turns fond.

"I know that." Killua puts his hands on his hips, glaring off to the side. "Just go."

Gon leaves but he can't stop the smile on his lips. Maybe Killua hasn't changed much either. That's a relief. Gon isn't too far behind.

Now to face Micky and try to wrap his mind around what the fuck just happened.

* * *

 **Lol that escalated quickly.**


	6. Chapter 6

Gon busts down the door to Micky's room, marching in with his eyebrows furrowed, not sure what he's going to be met with or how Micky is going to treat him-

"Hey babe." Gon blinks when he sees Micky laying on the bed with his arms behind his head, his shirt off, showing his little waist and smooth skin. Micky is giving him a lopsided smile, his position relaxed. It takes Gon off guard a bit considering how Micky was acting back in Killua's room and with the knowledge Micky has done something to his body that's dangerous.

"Don't 'hey babe' me! Micky what is going on? What have you done to my body?" Gon closes the door, knowing that Micky wanted it close, Gon just realizing he was controlled again. Gon walks towards Micky, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I told you I changed your nen network. I've changed everything about you. I told you it was like you were a new person. And this new person is connected to me. Isn't that amazing? You have a body that can't survive without me. You need me." Micky's eyes get glossy. "What's wrong Gon? You seem upset."

"Well yeah. I wouldn't mind all of that Micky if you didn't just threaten Killua and you made me feel like my guts were going to fall out! I don't mind that I'm a woman, or that we're connected but you're trying to control me. And you pretty much said you were going to kill me if Killua didn't listen to you. You betrayed me."

"Oh don't be like that. You're being over dramatic Gon. No one likes a drama queen. Don't step to this diva with that." Micky huffs, puffing out his cheeks as he looks over at Gon with this smirk. "I'm still your pal."

"But you're trying to make me into your puppet. Friends don't do that." Gon tries to reason. He doesn't feel any dark will from Micky. He's acting like he's been acting since he met him.

"Those are just minor details-"

"Minor?"

"You got to look at the big picture here." Micky spreads his arms trying to show him the 'big picture'. "Because of me, Killua said sorry and was all over you like a protective little hunny bun. Did you see that face when I came out? It said 'yo, stay away from my man' and he was also all like 'ohhh Gon I want to have your babies' I swear he was exposing himself so much it wasn't even funny. He mind as well been throwing up rainbows in your face."

Gon blinks, trying to catch up with all the weird things Micky just said. "Huh?" Gon doesn't really get the rainbows but he understood the first part. "I am happy I get to talk to Killua again but you didn't want Killua to know about me. It was only because my contacts came out that he knew it was me."

"Minor details!"

"Minor?!"

"Either way, you're going to get what you want. You're going to spend time with Killua and you can have your way with him. Since we're connected, I saw through your eyes how you were checking him out. You want to play with him a bit." Micky smirks, his smile crude as he turns on his side to face Gon who's face has gotten flushed.

"I was taking in how much he's grown-"

"Yeah right."

"Just because I like Killua doesn't mean I want to be around him just so he can worry about me. Nothing has changed-"

"I don't think you understand, Gon. I control Killua. Since I control you, I also have control of Killua. Because I have control of Killua, I have control of Alluka. It's a vicious cycle. So if you want me to get Killua to do something for you I will. Like I said, we're buddies. I like you Gon. I don't want to hurt you. But that's just a small part of me." Micky's' eyes get dark. "When I look at you, I also see the person who means the most to Killua. That fucking guy."

"What did Killua do to you? Why do you hate him?" Gon grips his fist, knowing that look on Micky's face. Seeing the silent rage there, something he's seen in Kurapika plenty of times.

"He took all I had left." Micky sits up in bed. "But he's also the one who can give it back. Even though I hate him...because I like you Gon, if he heals him than I'll fix you. I'll let you go. But if he won't listen to me, then I'll have to kill you, Gon. I'll take the person who means the most to him. I'll make him suffer." Micky's hatred gets weaker, those eyes softer before he smirks over at Gon.

"So as we're waiting for my wish to come true, the anxiety and worry I'm going to cause Killua will hold me off. Right now, Killua is probably pacing back and forth, the anxiety of not knowing what I'm doing to you is driving him crazy, like a bug crawling in the brain that he can't get out." Micky smirks, his lips turning into the smile of bliss.

"How did Killua take what you had left? I don't understand." Gon wants to know the full story. Though he can feel a bit of anger when he thinks of Micky getting off on making Killua worry. Because he knows he's right. He knows Killua is worrying about him right now. The look On Killua's face when he had grabbed his wrist before he left told him that much.

"...You really love him don't you?" Micky's face completely changes, his attitude doing a 360 as he beams over at Gon, those eyes getting half lidded and his smile too sweet.

"Of course I love him. He's my best friend. Even though he didn't talk to me for two years and I don't really understand why, I know he cares about me-"

"No, no. I mean you _love_ him." Micky sits up in bed, his smile playful. "You wanna kiss him and touch his body. And don't even deny it. Do I have to remind you that you started smelling his jacket like a weirdo?"

"That's because I missed him!" Gon tries to protest but his cheeks heat up. "I d-don't know how I feel about Killua but...I wouldn't mind kissing him or touching him. I'm curious about these feelings but Killua didn't seem to like the idea that I was gay-"

"Oh please. He likes it if it means you're gay for him." Micky rolls his eyes. "I'm going to tell Killua that he has to do a strip tease for you." Micky starts to get up, chuckling when Gon's eyes widen. He's walking to the door like he's really going to do it.

"M-Micky no." Gon grabs Micky's arm, pulling him back. "Don't make Killua do anything!"

"But it's funny."

"No it's not."

"Hey Gon, have you ever sucked a dick before!" Micky yells this, turning his head to aim the sound to the wall.

"No I haven't and why are you shouting that-"

"Gon?" Gon's eyes widen when Killua is knocking on the door, his voice sounded frantic. "What is he-"

"Open that door and Gon will get hurt." Micky sighs. "Stop trying to be a cock block."

"Micky stop that." Gon glares at Micky.

"I'm not going to stop. Why don't you get on your hands and knees for me babe?" Micky shouts only to snicker to himself as he runs over to the bed and starts to jump on it. "Ohhhh yeah you like that baby? You like that? Bite the pillow-"

"What the fuck!" Killua snarls, cutting off whatever Gon was about to say. All of this is very strange. Killua's nails suddenly pierce the door, ripping out a piece of it, his dark, almost black eyes peering in, a bead of sweat falling down his face. He blinks when he sees Micky jumping on the bed and Gon staring at him with his head tilted.

"Hahaha you should have saw the look on your face!" Micky busts out laughing, falling on his back. "You really thought I was fucking him!"

Killua looks pissed. He's trembling, gripping into the wood till it breaks.

"You mad bro? Is it that you want to fuck Gon?" Micky smirks when Killua's eyes flash and his face heats up when Gon looks at him.

"N-No! You're sick. I thought you were forcing him to-"

"What do you mean no? You shouldn't lie." Micky sighs as he gets off the bed, walking over to Gon, grabbing his face, rubbing his cheek. "Who wouldn't want to fuck him? Look at him." Micky rips Gon's shirt, getting his eyes to widen when his green bra is exposed and the cold air hits his chest.

"Micky what the hell! I kind of liked this shirt." Gon grumbles, trying to get out of Micky's embrace but it's like here's a bar on his strength and he's weak in Micky's arms.

"Get your hands off of him-" Killua takes a step forward, those blue eyes trembling-

Gon winces at the sudden pain in his stomach, it was too sudden to try to cover it up. Killua stops walking immediately.

"I would stay where you are." Micky smirks as he runs his hands down Gon's body, rubbing his flat muscular stomach.

"Damn it." Killua snarls, his body trembling, his teeth grinding.

"Uh Micky could you stop." Gon feels flushed when Micky grabs his breast through his bra. He doesn't like this happening in front of Killua, it's doing things to him. He feels too hot.

"Ah I can't stop. Not with that delicious tan skin of yours and those cute lips of yours." Micky smirks when he looks over at Killua who has looked away. "Killua, look at him. Don't make me repeat myself." Killua grips his fist but he looks at Gon. The look on his face makes Gon's heart sink. He looks so upset, his eyebrows furrowed, those blue eyes deep, his lips trembling. He's worried about him and he's frustrated he can't do anything for him. But there's something else in those eyes...guilt and a slight flushing of his cheeks.

"Isn't he adorable? Woman or man, that face is the same. Look how much he likes it rough." Micky sudden grabs Gon's hair and pulls, forcing his back to arch, his hand still feeling him up. Gon's face gets flushed, biting back whatever sound was going to leave his lips. Gon did like the hair pulling but what's really causing reactions out of him is the fact Killua is watching. His underwear feels wet and Gon has to question if he's peed himself by accident.

Gon tries to protest but his voice has left him when he looks over at Killua. Killua is staring with wide eyes, an anger raising but his blush has reached his ears, his breathing uneven. "Get your dirty hands off of him. What do you want? I'm giving you the wish. What can I do to make you stop doing that to him?"

"Hm? What can you do?" Micky smirks, stopping his hands to hug Gon from behind. "Don't you like the show?"

"Hell no!" Killua snarls. "You're fucking molesting him you creep!"

"So mean." Micky pouts. "Fine I'll stop. Bring me something to eat Killua, you two don't bother me for the rest of the night." Micky pushes Gon away from him, Killua quick to catch him, wrapping those arms around him, protective and strong.

"You don't have to worry about that." Killua snarls before he walks out with Gon, shutting the door quickly. Killua grabs his wrist and pulls Gon along, the raven haired male's mind still trying to catch up with what just happened, again. "Did he do anything to you when I wasn't there Gon?" Killua suddenly turns on him once they're in his room. Those eyes filled with concern as he touches Gon's shoulder.

"No. He only started acting weird when you came into the room." Gon frowns.

"...Are you alright?" Killua shifts from foot to foot, looking restless. "That fucking...I wanted to rip his head off but-"

"I know. You couldn't do anything Killua. Micky has gotten me good." Gon sighs. "Don't worry though Killua. I'll be fine. He likes to make you worry."

"He said he wanted to make me suffer." Killua grips his fist, those eyes getting glossy before he looks at Gon. "I'm going to make him something to eat, you can wear some of my clothes to cover up." Killua stare at him for a moment longer. He glances away. "I'll be right back." And then he leaves.

Gon looks over at Killua's dresser and walks over, opening it up and looking for something to wear. He settles on one of Killua's shirts and he can't help to huff in irritation when the shirt half way covers his butt. Why is Killua so much taller than him?!

 _Take off your pants, Get in the bed and just be in his shirt and panties. Trust me you'll get a good reaction._

Gon pauses, thinking about what Micky said. The bra is hurting him and it's almost time to lay down to sleep so he doesn't really see the harm In that. Killua has seen him in less. Even as he's thinking this, his body is already moving without him thinking. Damn. Micky has a stronger hold on his body than he thought. He takes off his pants before taking off his shirt to get the bra off. He puts Killua's shirt back on and gets in bed.

Gon can't help to sniff Killua's shirt, feeling very warm and his underwear still feels wet. He squirms, feeling restless so he covers himself up with more blankets, his face flushed.

All these confusing things are happening too fast. He's back with Killua and Killua knows him. He's being kind and they're falling back into place but there's questions that haven't been answered. What was he trying to fix? What did Gon have to do with it? Micky is another problem entirely. Gon knows that Micky is trouble for him, he understands the threat, and he's angry that Micky is worrying Killua but there's a part of him that still believes Micky is good. He wants to know what Killua did to Micky. He wants to know who Micky wants to heal. He wants to understand.

After awhile of just sitting in Killua's bed Gon starts to get restless. He's not one to sit still and his wet panties are bothering him. He sits up and starts to looking around the room. Killua didn't clean too much of it but he's already unpacked. Gon's eyes widen slightly when he opens the night door stand next to him, his heart beating faster at what he finds.

It's a picture frame holding a picture Gon knows every well. Gon stares at his younger self smiling at the camera, Alluka and Killua smiling next to him. He remembers that day. The day they went their separate ways. Gon's eyes soften as he picks up the picture, staring at it. Killua kept it all this time. Gon remembers he let Killua have this picture since it had him and his sister in it and he wanted him to remember him. Even back then his younger self had a fear that day would be the end of them.

"I made that ass hole a sandwich and he-" Killua walks in the room suddenly, getting Gon to look up at him. Killua looks at what he has in his hand, his words stopping. Killua flushes, his blue eyes averting as he rubs the back of his head.

"I got bored and started to look around." Gon smiles at Killua before he puts the picture back. "You kept the picture."

"Yeah..." Killua walks into the room, looking slightly nervous. Gon noticed something when he puts the picture back and turns to look at Killua curiously.

"Hey Killua, you have a lot of lube-"

"Don't look at other peoples things!" Killua's voice raises as he marches over to Gon and slams the door closed, his cheeks a deep red. "Geez! Can't leave you alone for one minute!" Killua grumbles but his blush has reached his ears.

"Killua do you masturbate?" Gon's eyes widen at the realization, his lips parting in an o. Gon has had some times where he's pleasured himself too but Gon has never seen so much lube before.

"S-Some times. Doesn't everyone?" Killua stutters, getting defensive. "Don't just ask me something like that idiot-"

"Do you do it a lot?" Gon gets closer, crawling over to Killua. His blush has reached his neck by now. Gon can't help to think how cute Killua looks all flustered like this.

"I do it a normal a-amount of time! Gon-" Killua whines at the end. Gon swallows, his heart beating faster and his body getting warmer.

"What's a normal amount of time?" Gon presses, getting up in Killua's face. The ex-assassin backs up. Gon can't help to be curious. Now that he's thinking about it, he can't help to wonder how Killua does it and what his face looks like- "I did it a couple of times-"

"Okay l-lets not talk about- You masturbated? wait no, I don't care!" Killua shakes his head frantically, swallowing thickly. "uh why?" Killua covers his face in embarrassment. Gon can't help to chuckle.

"Killua is so cute."

"Don't make fun of me." Killua looks up at him, glaring but it looks more like a pout.

"I'm not. Killua is really cute." Gon smiles, feeling a bit restless when Killua's eyes light up and he looks away quickly.

"Shut up. Don't look at me like that." Killua grumbles, grabbing Gon by the face before pushing him into the bed. Gon giggles, loving this. Loving this playfulness. This is what he's been missing out on. "Don't be calling me cute. You're the cute one."

"Killua is the cutest!" Gon counters., struggling against Killua's hand to look at him.

"W-Where the hell is your pants!" Killua sputters when Gon gets out of the covers to try to get out of Killua's grip. Once Gon does that, Killua lets go of him.

"I took them off to get comfy." Gon blinks looking over at Killua who looks away from this thighs that are exposed, pulling the blanket up to cover Gon again.

"Right." Killua takes a deep breath. Killua still gets flustered so easily. "What was I trying to tell you before...Oh right." Killua's face gets serious. He doesn't look over at him but he's sitting next to him on the bed, above the covers. "I got Micky something to eat and he says he's not going to bother us for the rest of the night but I doubt that. Alluka is in her room and she's locked the door. I'm going to stay up tonight to make sure he doesn't try anything."

"I can stay on guard. We can take turns so you can get some rest." Gon offers. "Micky can see what ever I see and I'm sure he can hear whatever I do too."

"So we have to be careful about what we say." Killua nods in understanding. "I'll stay up." Killua's eyebrows furrow. "Gon...You alright?"

"Hm? Yeah I'm fine. I'm not hurting anymore but..." Gon winces. He really should just take his panties off. He doesn't' remember peeing himself. He would have felt it right?

"But what?"

"Do you know much about girl's parts Killua?"

"I know the basics. What's wrong? Did he touch you there?" Killua's eyes flash with rage and he get closer.

"No he didn't but my underwear feels wet and it's been like that since back in the room. I don't think I peed myself though. Do you have any underwear I can burrow?"

"Oh." Killua's face gets red all of a sudden. He looks away from him quickly. "It's probably...You know, girls get wet when they're excited...sexually. I don't know of other reasons." Killua coughs in his hand, seeming unconformable as he quickly gets up. "you can wear some of my boxers." Killua gets Gon a pair before handing it to him.

"Oh! SO it's like getting a boner except I feel like I peed myself!" Gon's eyes light up in understanding. Killua sputters, his face is getting so red today.

"You're shameless as always! But yeah. Yeah it's like that." Killua rubs his cheek, averting his gaze when Gon starts pulling down his panties before slipping on Killua's boxers. Much better. Gon throws his panties to the side, sighing in relief. "It's probably something you can't control. That guy was feeling you up." Killua grips his fist, grinding his teeth.

"I don't think it had to do with him." Gon thinks to himself.

"Then what do you think it had to do with?" Killua locks eyes with Gon.

"Well having my haired pulled wasn't that bad when I think about it but I think it's because you were there." Gon says honestly, watching Killua's expression closely.

Killua's eyes widen and he stares at Gon, waiting for something. When Gon gives him a sheepish smile and averts his gaze, Killua swallows hard, his Adam's apple bobbing.

"You...Do you get what you're saying?"

"That I liked Killua watching?" Gon blushes when Killua gets goosebumps.

"Gon...Shit Gon don't say that to me." Killua rubs his arm, not looking at Gon, those blue eyes holding something.

"But it's the truth. Does it bother you?"  
"Opposite." Killua bites his lip. "...I saw you checking me out, before I knew who you were. It's...It's your new body talking. Your hormones have all changed so...Don't say that to me-"  
" Micky didn't change my gender. I'm still Gon. A guy in a girl's body. I'm just gay. Micky called me really gay."

"G-Gay?" Killua's breath hitches.

"Yeah." Gon is starting to feel nervous but he wonders if he should just come out and say it. Gon isn't one to hold back. "I think I like Killua a lot. When I'm around you, my heart beats faster and I just want to touch you. I started getting wet when I was smelling your shirt and when you were there with Micky. I think I want to take you out on a date but I'm not saying this because I'm a girl. When I turn back to a guy, I want to take you out on a date and-"

Gon's eyes widen when Killua suddenly attacks him, pushing him down on the bed before crashing their lips together. Gon's eyes stay widen for awhile before they get half lidded and he closes his eyes in bliss, moving his mouth against Killua's demanding one. Gon's heart is beating so fast and he can't help to groan at feeling Killua's body on top of his and having Killua's tongue snake past his lips, rubbing his tongue. Killua tastes like orange soda and his long white locks are tickling his face but Gon doesn't mind. He's focused on the heat and how his boxers are starting to feel soaked.

"Shit.." Killua breaks the kiss, looking down at Gon with half lidded eyes filed with so much emotion that Gon feels his chest stop moving. "If you say things like that I'm not going to hold back. Not when you're giving me that hope." Killua tightens his grip on Gon's wrists. It hurts but he's not going to say anything when Killua's eyes get watery. "clarify that this is okay. Say that you like me. Say that you want me to kiss you. Say it now or I don't know if I can stop-" Killua is freaking out, trembling, his pupils constricted

"I really like you Killua. I want you to kiss me-" Killua is on him in a blink of an eye. Gon moans at how desperate Killua's kiss is, the way he holds onto him like he's his life line. The kiss becomes sloppy and wet real fast, the more they kiss, the calming Killua gets till the kiss is slow and deep and good. Gon bites Killua's lower lip, getting the ex-assassin to groan. Gon is able to wiggle his arms free of Killua so he can run his fingers through his hair and press him deeper into the kiss. Their teeth clank together less and their tongues are fighting it out.

They have to part for air, Gon could have gone longer but Killua is panting above him, his pale skin flushed, his eyes hazy. "Hey Killua?" Gon reaches out, touching Killua's chest, brushing his finger tips over an erect nipple, getting the ex-assassin to shiver. "Do you want to kiss me right now because I'm a girl-"

"No." Killua cuts him off quickly, that hazy look turning into a firm one. "Hell no. I do not want to kiss Grace. I want to kiss you, idiot. I don't care if your female or male or whatever. Your Gon so...I want you." Killua's voice gets low at the end, his eyes shifting away but Gon feels like someone just shot adrenaline into his heart. Gon feels so hot. "It's crazy really, how bad I want it. I don't want to scare you off. I wanted to fix this-"

"Killua could never scare me off. I don't want you to fix this. I want to kiss Killua and be like this. I want you too." Those words must have done something because in that moment Gon can see Killua's restraint slip, those eyes getting dark with lust, and passion, And Gon can feel something harden against his thigh-

"Big brother-" Alluka suddenly comes into the room. Killua tenses up like a cat being caught on a table and jumps off of him. Killua was so fast that Alluka didn't see him on top of Gon but with hiding under the covers, she still seems them in bed together with the covers up on their waists. Alluka stops talking, staring at them for a moment before she flushes. "Oh-"

"It's not what you think." Killua says quickly, his voice is trembling though, slightly sweating.

"Yeah we were just kissing- ow!" Gon winces when Killua jabs him in the side.

"Idiot!" Killua's voice turns into a squeak.

"T-That's okay big brother. I was just surprised is all! That's great!" Alluka's eyes widen in realization and she smiles brightly. "I'm sorry I interrupted but I was worried about Gon."

"He's fine." Killua gets serious. "Come in sis, close the door and lock it behind you. You should probably sleep with us."

"Alluka i'm sorry for lying about who I am. I do really want to be your friend though, I wasn't lying about that-"

"I know. I'm just glad you're here." Alluka smiles brightly. "Big brother looks a lot happier-"

"Alluka." Killua flushes.

"I'm a lot happier too." Gon smiles over at Killua, knowing his eyes show how he feels. The feeling of being next to Killua again is to much. Killua wants to kiss him too. Gon is so excited about when he turns back. He supposes he could take Killua out on a date like this but Micky still has control.

Killua's eyes light up, his eyes getting like pools of water with the light of the sun. He turns away from Gon's smile quickly, a small smile on his own lips, his bangs covering his eyes.

"Still saying embarrassing things huh?"

Alluka giggles, and Gon's heart tightens. This is what he wanted. Killua and Gon have clicked back together and now he's being involved with the brother and sister. He's not outcasted. Those feelings of doubt have left him-

 _How cute. So cute that i'm both disgusted and happy for you. It's a strange feeling really. But I can't have him too happy Gon._

A warmth starts to spread throughout Gon's abdomen. It starts off like a cozy warmth of standing next to a fireplace but as it spreads to his chest, it becomes hotter, like his flesh is being set on fire. Gon bites his lip, trying not to make Killua worry. He turns his face away from Killua quickly, trying to keep his face from wincing.

"I-I'm going to go to bed." Gon gets out quickly, turning on his side. Even though he's hiding his facial expressions, his body is reacting to the pain. He's starting to sweat and his breathing has become deeper. Gon bites his lip as hard as he can when it becomes so painful, like he's laying flat on a stove, frying flesh.

"Gon what's wrong?" Killua catches the changes in him quickly. There's a darkness to his voice once he sees how Gon's breathing is deeper. "Gon if he's hurting you don't keep that from me-" Killua grabs his shoulder, his eyes widening. "You're burning up!" Killua turns him around, Gon not able to stop the wincing on his face or the way he grinds his teeth. "Alluka! Get some cold wet rages from the bathroom!" Killua looks over at his sister who is covering her mouth, looking panicked. She runs off quickly.

"I...I didn't want to worry you." Gon breathes out, feeling beads of sweat start to fall down his face.

"When ever he's doing this shit you tell me." Killua gives him this firm look as Alluka comes back with a bunch of rags. Killua puts the rag on his face, steam coming up. "Shit." Killua starts adding more rags, lifting up his shirt to put rags on his stomach. "Micky fucking stop this shit! What do you want?" Killua growls at Gon but he knows he's growling at Micky who is watching through his eyes.

 _Gon I want you to tell him how much it hurts._

Gon shakes his head but the heat becomes worse, so much so that all the rags dry up and he's wheezing now, barely breathing. "Alluka get more wet rags!" Killua holds Gon, his face that was seething with anger is starting to change to panic. "Gon is he saying anything? What does he want?"

 _The more you fight me Gon, the more worried and upset he's going to get. Just tell him how you're feeling._

"I-It burns." Gon wheezes out, not able to fight Micky anymore as he clings to Killua for dear life. "It h-hurts!"

 _You can actually see the moment his heart breaks._ Micky sounds too happy with how Killua's expression gets so soft and sad. Gon doesn't want to show him this weakness. He doesn't want Killua to look at him like that.

When Alluka brings the rags he quickly puts them on Gon, trying to bring him relief. Killua's hands are trembling. "Killua..." Gon breathes out, reaching to touch his face. Finally the heat stops. The pain stops. But it left him so exhausted and drained that as soon as the pain stops, everything goes dark. Gon doesn't feel his hand being caught or kept on Killua's cheek. He doesn't hear the sighs or relief, or feel the trembling hand on his face.

Gon is out for the count.

* * *

"Ugh." Gon groans, his eyes fluttering open.

"Sleeping beauty is up." Gon blinks groggily, looking over to see Micky sitting next to him. Gon blinks, noticing that he's sitting up at a table. When did he get here?

"Gon." Gon looks over at that voice. Killua and Alluka are also sitting at the table. Killua's eyebrows are furrowed. He's not happy.

"You passed out last night. You were so tired. Poor baby." Micky smiles, shoving some pancakes into his mouth. "You must be hungry." Micky gets some pancake on his fork before offering it to Gon. "Say 'ah'!" Micky smiles sweetly.

Gon remembers what happened last night, the burning, the great pain, Killua and Alluka freaking out. Gon glares at Micky, smacking the fork away. "I'm not hungry."

"Rude!" Micky gasps looking over at Killua and Alluka who are glaring at him. "Can you believe his manners?"

"Fuck off." Killua snarls.

"Well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Micky sighs before he smirks over at Gon. "And here I was getting you all dressed up Gon and this is how you treat me."

Gon looks down at himself seeing that he's in a white dress. Who dressed him? The dress is pretty but he's angry at Micky right now.

"You burned me last night!" Gon glares at Micky.

"Minor details!"

"Stop saying that!" Gon narrows his eyes at Micky.

"I feel the love. Don't you Killua? Don't you think we make the cutest couple ever? I want to throw up on us because we're so cute." Micky wraps his arm around Gon, getting the hunter's eyebrow to twitch.

"You're not a cute couple. You're not even a couple." Killua snarls, gripping his fist till his knuckles turn white.

"It's not like Gon has a boyfriend. SO I'm going to claim him while I can-"

"Gon is mine." Killua snaps, his eyes widening soon after but he stands his ground. Sort of.

"Ohh so you two are dating now huh? Is that right Gon? When did this happen?" Micky smirks at Gon, pulling at his ear.

Gon remembers the kiss. Though they said nothing about dating, Killua thinks they are. Gon looks at Killua and sees him start to fidget nervously. "Killua is my boyfriend." Killua's eyes light up in surprise and he stares at Gon with this intensity-

"Now I think i'm really going to puke." Micky gags, letting go of Gon. "But I got to ask." Micky's eyes get mischievous. "Are you guys going to fuck any time soon-"

"What the hell!" Killua slams his hands on the table, flushing darkly, glaring.

"That's none of your business Micky." Gon huffs.

"Oh really?" Micky smirks before he gets some more pancakes to try to feed Gon again. "Gon open your mouth or i'm gong to do some dirty things to you."

Gon glares, his eyes shining with defiance. " Gon...let him feed you." Killua says reluctantly. Gon glances over at him before he opens his mouth, listening to his friend for once. Micky's eyes light up and he stuffs the pancake into his mouth a little roughly. Gon chews and swallows.

"See? That wasn't so bad." Micky purrs, leaning over to lick at the corner of Gon's mouth where there had been some syrup.

"When are we going to leave to make the wish. My sister has to be touching the person that you want to heal." Killua cuts in, those eyes getting darker like he's about to attack but he makes no move.

"Hmm...We can start now. It will take a couple of days to get there. So pack your things! We're going on a road trip!" Micky gushes, standing up quickly.

"If we take a air plane it will be quicker-" Killua starts.

"I said we're going on a road trip." Micky's smile sis sweet but there's a danger in it. Killua doesn't say anything but his eyebrows furrow in irritation. "Pack yo shit." and then he's walking away, into his room and shutting the door.

"Uh...How did I get out here?" Gon looks over at Killua who's shoulders have relaxed slightly now that Micky is gone.

"He came into our room early in the morning. He demanded that you wear that dress...Don't worry Alluka is the one that dressed you. You were out cold since last night." Killua frowns. He's still worried, concerned about him.

"I'm fine Killua. It doesn't hurt anymore." Gon tries to reassure Killua.

"I'm going to get my stuff packed." Alluka looks at Gon before she walks into her room. Gon gets up and walks with Killua into their room to start getting their stuff packed.

"My things are in Micky's room." Gon groans when he remembers that.

"Don't go in there yet." Killua shuts the door behind them.

"This dress is pretty." Gon smiles, doing a twirl in the dress.

"Yeah." Killua bites his lip before looking at Gon from the corner of his eye. "Did you mean what you said back there Gon? That i'm your...boyfriend." Killua mumbles, his cheeks flushing. "You don't have to. I was just...saying the first thing that came to mind. I didn't like him touching you-"

"I want to be Killua's boyfriend." Gon holds out his pinky, smiling when Killua gets red in the face. "All these feelings are new but I think i've liked you for a long time. I want to get as close as I can to Killua. I want to kiss you and that's what boyfriends do I think, maybe. If Killua wants to be my boyfriend then I want to."

"Will it...affect our friendship?" Killua seems anxious now but his eyes are lighting up and he's licking his lips.

"I don't think so. As long as we both like it then it's fine. Besides you ignoring me for 2 years didn't destroy our friendship, I doubt us getting closer will either."

"...If you ever don't want it, you'll tell me?" Killua averts his gaze.

"Yup, and if you don't like it, you'll tell me too?"

"yeah..."

"Picky promise?" Gon holds his pinky out. Killua stares at it a moment, a smile gracing his lips as he warps his pinky around his.

"Pinky promise."

In that moment, Gon got a lot closer to Killua. Not aware of how the ex-assassin's heart is beating so fast, his skin getting hot with emotion.

Gon is still trying to understand his feelings for Killua. Killua already knows. He already gets it.

Killua is hopelessly in love with Gon and the fact that Gon is his boyfriend now makes him feel faint, light headed. The happiness he feels is so great but all he can do is blush and look away when Gon giggles at him, joking about how red he's getting.

Killua can't put it into words. He can't explain himself to Gon. And even though he calls Gon embarrassing and pushes him away playfully, stuttering and getting flustered...there's so much more going on in him. So many more emotions, feelings, hopes, dreams...His mind getting ahead of him but all he knows is Gon is his boyfriend. He can kiss him. He can touch him and not worry about Gon not wanting it. The pinky promise is more for Gon, to protect him from Killua, the ex-assassin feels safer with it. Their friendship and Gon is protected.

This love he has feels like it could suffocate him. He just doesn't want to suffocate Gon with it.

 **Quick upload for you guys! Thank you for the support!**


	7. Chapter 7

"What the fuck are you doing?" Micky's eyes suddenly turn dark, Alluka squeaks, stopping from getting into the back seat like she was doing. Gon blinks at the change in Micky who is standing outside of the rent a car they used to get to the cabin. Killua crosses his arms, standing next to Gon who was about to get in the back seat after Alluka.

"We're about to get in the car, what else are we doing?" Killua narrows his eyes at Micky who points a finger at the ex-assassin.

"Where are the snacks?"

"Huh?"

"I see you standing there but I don't see any snacks. This is a road trip. How are we going to have a road trip without snacks?"

"Just drive? We don't have snacks in the cabin-"

"That's unacceptable. Go fetch me some Oreo's and Doritos." Micky waves his hand at Killua, getting his eyebrow to twitch.

"And where do you expect me to get that? The store is in town. Just drive to the town and-"

"I want them now." Micky demands before reaching over and grabbing Gon by the wrist, pulling him closer. Killua's reflex is to grab Gon's other arm, stopping Micky. Killua's hand is warm and his grip is tight on Gon's wrist. "You have that Godspeed of yours. Just go and get me some Oreo's and Doritos. Don't worry. I'll keep Gon company." Micky smirks, licking his lips, getting Killua's eyes to flash.

"Micky." Gon glares at the other male for purposely trying to upset Killua. They haven't even gotten in the car yet and Micky is causing complications. The puppeteer was acting alright while everyone was getting packed and didn't say much as Gon and Killua loaded up the car but as soon as they started getting in, Micky's expression and attitude completely changed.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Killua." Micky coos, wrapping his arms around Gon. Gon isn't one to just let things happen if he doesn't like them so he tries to push Micky off and he's able to.

"I'll get your damn Oreo's." Killua snarls, his aura busting out into an electrical explosion, built up by rage and frustration. His hair stands up, puffed up from the electrical current, his body glowing. Gon can't help to stare in admiration. It's so cool.

"Killua is amazing!" Gon's eyes sparkle. Killua's dark expression lights up a bit and his cheeks flushing. He opens his mouth to say something-

"I agree. Your little boyfriend is amazing Gon." Micky coos, playing with Gon's hair, hugging him from behind. Killua's expression turns sour quickly. He grinds his teeth before he's gone in a flash of light.

"Did you really need Oreos and Doritos at this moment?" Gon turns to face Micky who is chuckling, looking too pleased with himself.

"Yes. I really did. It's a medical condition."

"A medical condition where you need Oreo's and Doritos?"

"You don't know me like that." Micky snaps his finger and Gon can't help to agree. He really doesn't know much about Micky at all. It's been like that since the beginning but he never expected all of this. "Besides I'm having fun seeing Killua squirm. Oh that was rude Gon, I just realized I didn't ask if you wanted anything from the store. When he comes back I can tell him to get you something-"

"I don't need anything." Gon shakes his head, glaring at Micky.

"What about you sweetie?" Micky smiles over at Alluka who is glaring at him as well, gripping her dress before glaring away.

"I don't want anything." Alluka looks back at Micky, those blue eyes holding that determination. "I don't like that you're upsetting big brother. You should leave big brother and Gon alone!" Her voice wavers when Micky's smile becomes sinister.

"Oh?" He raises a thin eyebrow, taking a step closer to Alluka but Gon is quick to grab a hold of his wrist, squeezing hard enough to hurt him.

"Don't do anything to her. Leave her out of this." Gon's voice becomes lower. He won't let Micky hurt Alluka. He doesn't care if Micky burns him from the inside out. He's not going to sit here and let that happen. Killua shouldn't either.  
"I wasn't going to hurt her. You wound me Gon. You think I'm a horrible person-" Micky pouts, his attitude changing again.

"You are!" Alluka chimes with disbelief.

"I don't know what you are Micky. I'm still trying to figure that out. But I don't like what you're doing. What you're doing is horrible." Gon doesn't back down when Micky turns to face him completely, those blue eyes looking deep into his own. They lose light again and it's like Gon is staring into a empty room that's pitch black.

"Sometimes when horrible things happen to a person, they do horrible things in return. It becomes all you know. _Horrible things_." Micky's voice is like a chant, a whisper to himself. "but I would never hurt Alluka. She's like him. Never would." Micky reaches out and touches Gon's cheek, right over where Killua scratched him. Gon doesn't flinch as Micky removes the bandage, touching the cut with his fingers. Gon holds back a wince when the area starts to burn.

"Micky I don't understand you." Gon says once the burning stops and Micky touches his cheek again...The cut is gone. Micky just healed him. "I want to know why you're doing this."

"I told you before my little sugar pie hunny bun. I want Killua to suffer. I want revenge." Micky suddenly hisses in his face but his smile is twitching, unstable.

"For what?" Gon stands his ground when Micky wraps a hand around his throat, squeezing tightly, not enough to choke him but enough that it's uncomfortable.

"P-Please don't hurt Gon!" Alluka pleads when she sees what looks to be Micky choking him.

"No...I don't want to hurt Gon." Micky lets go of Gon when Alluka yelled at him. Those blue eyes flash with something before he leans in, kissing the cheek Killua had scratched. "I just want to hurt the person that Gon means the most to."

Alluka grips her skirt, Glaring at Micky just as Gon is glaring at him. Both getting protective, feeling that flare to fight for Killua. To protect him from Micky.

"I got your fucking Oreo's and Doritos." Killua comes back in a flash of light, panting slightly as he holds out a bag filled with goodies.

"Yay!" Micky lets go of Gon to take the bag, humming happily, his mood changing again. Gon and Alluka look at each other, both witnessing Micky's weird behavior. Alluka knows Micky's intentions now. He wants to upset Killua. Wants to make him hurt. "You're such a good dog aren't you Killua? But you're a bad boyfriend! Gon is so hungry and you didn't even get him anything! Shame on you."

"What?" Killua glares at Micky before looking over at Gon who shakes his head.

"I'm not really hungry-" Gon tries but Micky cuts him off.

"He's so hungry and you didn't get him anything. So I'll take care of his needs. I'll share my food with you, Gon." Micky coos, Killua gripping his fist.

"I can get Gon his own food. Gon, what do you want?" Killua snaps, he's gripping his fist so tightly.

"I don't really want anything. I'm fine but thank you." Gon shakes his head, waving Killua off. Killua seems to calm down and he nods but how his muscles tensed, Gon was sure if he said he wanted something, Killua would have ran to get him it. Killua's aura calms down and soon his hair falls back normally, his body left with just a couple of sparks flying off of him.

"Killua you're going to drive us. Alluka you'll sit up there with your brother. And Gon~" Micky wraps his arm around Gon's shoulder. "Will be sitting with me in the back. He'll be keeping me company."

"Why don't you sit in the front with me?" Killua's eyebrow twitches ever so slightly watching as Micky hugs up all on Gon. "You need to tell me where to go anyway."

"No i'll stay in the back with Gon." Micky smiles sweetly.

"Ugh." Killua doesn't like it. The ex-assassin is reluctant to get into the front seat, those blue eyes watching carefully as Gon crawls into the back with Micky right behind him, staring at his ass so openly. Killua grips the wheel, grinding his teeth, making eye contact with Gon through the mirror. Gon gives him a smile, trying to calm his new lover. It seems to work a bit, the glare falls to one of frustration and he takes a deep breath. Alluka puts her hands on her brother's shoulder and that seems to help too.

"Okay so where are we going?" Killua's voice becomes blank as he puts the car in drive and starts down the road that got them to the cabin.

"You'll make a left when we get out on the main road and then just go straight. I'll tell you when to turn. And you'll obey." Micky smirks. Killua facial expression doesn't' change. Gon grins, feeling proud of Killua and his heart beats faster. Killua isn't letting Micky get to him. He's ignoring his taunts. Killua is being so cool right now that Gon wants to hug him from behind and kiss his cheek.

It's nice thinking that he doesn't have to question if this is weird or not. Killua feels the same way. He wants to touch him and get closer. Gon is just so happy to have Killua back and that he can hear his voice and talk to him like old times. Maybe it is a little weird that as soon as they met up again, they got together but Gon feels like it was meant to happen. He feels almost like it was overdue.

For two years Killua was always on his mind. He wanted to talk to Killua, to feel him, to be with him, to see him smile, to hear his laughter...He was always there. Gon wanted to do everything with him again. Gon just didn't think it was romantic feelings. He wasn't sure but now it's obvious. He doesn't know how far these feelings go. He doesn't know if all he wants is to be closer to Killua, or if it's that he wants Killua to be always by his side that he feels this way. Maybe in a way having Killua as his boyfriend means that Killua can't walk away from him again. Like they have this connection.

Gon wants to see where this will go. He wants to see if he can be a lover to his best friend. He wants to explore these feelings and find out more about them. It's like a new adventure he's going on with Killua and that makes him really happy.

"If you keep staring at Killua like that, you're going to make me jealous." Micky suddenly whispers in his ear, getting Gon to blink out of his thoughts, realizing he was just staring at Killua through the mirror. Though the ex-assassin didn't seem to mind, or he didn't notice because his eyes are on the road, his expression blank but those eyes are firm. Gon looks over at Micky who is smirking, his arm has snaked around his waist. "Are you so happy to be with Killua, Gon?"

Killua glances back at them through the mirror but when he sees how Micky is holding Gon he quickly looks away, biting his lip. But he's listening. Gon is sure of that.

"Yeah I am." Gon says honestly, catching how a soft blush starts to spread over Killua's cheeks but he keeps his eyes forward.

"So jealous." Micky pouts, leaning closer to the point Gon can feel his breath on his face. "Who's going to keep me company then? I don't know if I can go on without feeling those lips on mine-"

"Keep your dirty mouth away from him." Killua snarls, his eyebrows scrunched up in a scowl. He grips the wheel and Alluka has to put a hand on his shoulder to try to calm him down.

"It's not dirty." Micky looks offended. "Gon didn't think so a couple of days ago. Right Gon? I didn't taste dirty did I?" Micky leans closer, and now Killua is watching him closely with those piercing blue eyes, they're so dull and dangerous that Gon swallows, his face getting red. His heart is beating quicker and when he tires to move away from Micky, his dress starts to hike up his thigh, exposing more of his body than he would want to the puppeteer. "Well?" Micky smiles sweetly, those eyes getting half lidded like how all those times he taught him how to be seductive.

"You didn't taste dirty. Kind of like mint." Gon says honestly. He regrets it soon after when Killua's face completely drops. That dark look is wiped off with something else entirely.

"You kissed this guy?!"

"Yes he did and he liked it. Why don't we show Killua how we kiss? He doesn't seem to believe us." Micky leans closer, licking his lips. Gon can't move back anymore, Micky is on top of him, his face so close to his own. He feels light headed and no matter how much he tries he doesn't have the strength to push Micky off.

Killua slams on the breaks. It's so sudden that Gon his flown off the seat, his side hitting Killua's chair while Micky is sent forward, hitting his head hard on the window.

"Don't do that." Killua's voice is calm. Eerily so. His bangs are covering his eyes and he's as still as a statue. Gon gets back up on the seat, and Micky straightens himself out. Instead of looking scared, Micky is smirking. Gon has goosebumps, Killua is serious. He's never heard that tone of voice before and it's thrilling. Gon wonders if this is an appropriate time to feel wetness in his panties or not.

"You're a jealous little birdy aren't you?" Micky coos as Killua starts to drive again. "You don't like that i've kissed Gon before you. I got to taste him before you could touch him."

Gon can see what these words are doing to Killua. The way he grips the wheel and his shoulders tense up. He's causing Killua distress. Gon glares at Micky before pushing him slightly.

"Stop that. Killua's kisses feel a lot better than yours. Besides every time you kissed me it was surprise. I wasn't expecting it." Killua relaxes slightly at this but there's this silent rage in those eyes as he drives, those eyes so cold.

"That's mean Gon. Saying another man's kisses feel better than my own. I take that as a challenge you know. I'm sure I could make you feel better than him-" Micky touches Gon's cheek, rubbing it soothingly but it makes Gon's stomach curl. Killua is watching. Killua doesn't like it when Micky touches him.

"What do you want?" Killua's voice is so dark, and blank at the same time. Those eyes lock onto Micky. "I got you your snacks and i'm driving you. What do you want, what can I do to make you stop doing that?"

"Why do you think I want something from you? Maybe I want something from Gon." Micky licks his lips, wrapping his arms around Gon but when Gon tries to push him away he winces when he feels a sharp pain in his stomach.

Killua's breath hitches and he tightens his grip on the wheel, his knuckles becoming white but he keeps driving. "...Don't do that."

"Oh? Are you already at your limit? But I'm barely touching him!" Micky chuckles. "I bet it would drive you mad, the idea of me making him feel good, touching his body, feeling on him-"

" _Don't do anything to him!_ " Killua's voice raises, he's panting, the veins in his arms sticking out, his bangs covering his facial expression away from everyone.

"You're going to make a right here Killua." Micky says. Killua makes the turn. The air between them is so thick and nasty. "It's okay Killua. I won't touch him. Not right now. But you owe me. It's hard to restrain myself when he's so cute. I bet it's hard for you. I bet it was hard when you two use to be alone all the time. Gon was a hot guy too. I bet you really had to restrain yourself around him. I bet you're just like me, wanting to fill him up and make him scream-"

Killua opens his mouth, his canines showing, it looks like he's about to yell as he turns his head around, glaring so darkly, his eyes filled with a mixture of rage and guilt-

"Killua the road!" Gon's eyes widen when they swerve onto the other side of the road into oncoming traffic. Killua turns around quickly and moves the car just in time before they crash.

"You have horrible driving skills, Killua." Micky sighs.

"Shut the fuck up! That was your fault!-"

"I have no idea what you mean-"

"Micky stop doing this!" Gon growls, his eyes getting dark in warning.

"I'm not doing anything my lovely-"

"Micky." Alluka sudden breaks into the conversation. She turns around, her blue eyes big and strange. She grips into the seat, this deep frown on her face. "Leave big brother alone. Give him a break."

"Alluka." Killua stares at her in surprise but his muscles are tense. He's ready to protect her if Micky tries to attack. Micky just stares at her for a moment ,his face becoming blank before he nods.

"Okay." And then Micky looks out of the widow, throwing an Oreo into his mouth. Gon stares at him with wide eyes before looking at Alluka who seems just as surprised. Micky listened to Alluka. Now his attitude has completely changed again.

Alluka turns around and puts a hand over her brothers. Killua lets out a long sigh of relief before he focuses on the road. No one speaks, the air around them thick but not as nasty. Micky only speaks to tell Killua where to turn. He doesn't touch Gon and he doesn't taunt Killua.

Gon lets out his own sigh of relief as he looks up at Killua, frowning slightly at how tense his shoulders are. What Micky said really got to him. Killua looks calm on the outside but Gon knows better. His thoughts are brewing up and he's going to end up making himself depressed. Gon will ask him about it later, make sure he's okay.

Gon looks out of the window, leaning against it and closing his eyes. This is only the start of the road trip and Micky has already turned it into something not so pleasant.

Gon really doesn't understand Micky.

* * *

"This doesn't look right." Micky suddenly says, Gon barely hearing him from the music blaring at Micky's request. Killua turns down the music that was singing about 'milkshakes' before he glances back at Micky.

"What did you say?"

"I have no idea where we are right now." Micky bites his lip, looking out of the window. "I think we're lost."

"Huh?!" Killua slams on the break, turning around to glare at Micky who keeps chewing at his lower lip. "What do you mean we're lost? I've been listening to you for five hours!"

"I thought I had the directions down by heart but I guess I was wrong. This doesn't look right." Micky smiles almost sheepishly. Killua looks like he's seconds away from ripping Micky's face off with his claws. Gon knows he wants to. The ex-assassin is mentally exhausted. Gon is sure of it.

Alluka who was sleeping against the window starts to wake up from the lack of music and from Killua jerking the car like he did. "Big brother, are we there yet?" Alluka yawns cutely, rubbing at her eyes.

"No we're not Alluka because this dumb ass doesn't even know where he's going!" Killua grinds his teeth.

"I know you're frustrated, I am too." Micky puts his hands up. "But I'm sure I just over looked a turn...maybe."

"Where exactly are we going, Micky?" Gon tries when Killua looks like he's about to pull his hair out. Gon's legs are cramping up. Micky didn't let them have a pit stop so they've been stiff in the car for five hours, And Gon has been holding his bladder for two of those hours. Gladly the only thing Micky has done in those five hours is demand the music be loud and to his liking and that everyone sing along with him. Gon didn't really mind that but Killua...

"Mmm... A place." Micky looks forward and his eyes lighting up, clapping his hands together. "Okay! I know where we are now! We turn right up here!"

"Are you sure?" Killua looks doubtful.

"Positive!"

"This is tiresome." Killua grumbles, about to start driving again-

"Killua put the car in park." Killua looks back at Gon but he listens to him. Gon looks over at Micky who has his eyebrow raised. "Micky we're going to take a break soon. We've been at this non stop and I know I'm not the only one who has to go to the bathroom." Alluka nods her head quickly in agreement, crossing her legs.

When Killua had demanded a break, Micky had started to burn Gon, which had gotten Killua to cuss but he kept driving, asking for his sister to wait and saying sorry.

"We'll get a break. The first hotel or motel you see Killua, pull in. We'll stay the night there and rest." Micky agrees.

"Also, I'm going to drive instead of Killua now." Gon states confidently, Killua locking eyes with him through the mirror. "You can sit in the front with me. Let Killua and Alluka rest in the back."

"Gon i'm alright-" Killua starts only for Gon to give him a firm look.

"You're exhausted Killua. You've been through a lot in these five hours. I can drive." Gon's eyes shine with a fire and once Killua sees it he sighs, knowing going against that fire is like pulling teeth.

"That's fine I suppose but do you even know how to drive?" Micky raises an amused eyebrow at Gon.

"I can learn." Gon grips his fist in confidence. Everyone is silent for a moment before Micky cracks up.

"Yes you can." Micky hums. "This should be fun." Micky gets out of the car, Gon following after him. He winces when his stiff legs bear his weight and he has to kick his legs around to try to get the blood flow moving again, pins and needles up his legs getting him to tense.

"Gon i'm really fine. Besides you're going to kill us if you drive." Killua grumbles but he's gotten out with his sister, both of them stretching and getting the blood to flow in their legs as well. Gon walks over to Killua and gives him a hug, wanting to do that since the beginning of the ride. Killua's body tenses before he relaxes into the hold, his arms wrapping around Gon.

"I'm not going to kill us." Gon huffs as he pulls away, loving how warm Killua's embrace is and how those eyes are watching him so intently. He loves the grin he gets to form on Killua's lips and how those shoulders that were so tense seem to loosen up. Gon hated seeing Killua upset up there.

"We'll see." Killua teases but that smile soon falls when Micky speaks.

"Gon~ Stop hugging your boyfriend and get in here!" Micky calls for Gon, already sitting in the passengers seat.

"Tch." Killua's body gets tense again, clicking his tongue. "Come on Alluka." Killua's expression softens when he looks at his sister. Alluka is squirming from having to go to the bathroom, her eyes half lidded from being tired. "You can sleep on me in the back. If you want you can try to go the bathroom now-"

"I don't want to go outside." She mumbles but Killua just nods.

"Try to hold it a little longer then." Killua helps Alluka get into the car before settling in the back. Alluka is quick to lay her head on Killua's chest, the older wrapping his arm around her shoulders to bring her closer.

Gon gets into the divers seat, an excitement building up from driving for his first time. His chest feels warm when he looks back at Killua and Alluka. It's cute and it just expresses the love they have for each other. Gon doesn't really feel excluded. He understands how Alluka and Killua's relationship is different. He's never had sibling but he can imagine how it would be like.

"Alright Gon lets do this." Micky grins. Gon steps on the gas petal and the engine revels up but it's not moving. Micky is chuckling, looking at Gon's expression of confusion with amusement.

"It's in park idiot! You have to move it in drive!" Killua watches Gon warily.

"Oh!" Gon chuckles at his mistake, pulling the lever into drive.

"Gon don't floor it-"

"Floor it?" Gon hears instead of 'don't' and slams his foot down on the gas. "Whoaaa!" Gon's mouth opens in awe and he can't help to laugh in excitement as they go speeding down this road.

"Yay!" Micky cheers, opening up a window before throwing his arms up. "it's like a roller coaster!"

"Gon slow down!" Killua warns. "You're not going to be able to make the turn coming up going like this. Take your foot off the gas pedal!"

"Ah." Gon takes his foot off the gas pedal and once he gets to the turn he's able to make it without flipping the car over.

"Watch out for the lamp post, go more right." Killua warns when Gon starts to swerve off to the side. Micky is too busy laughing to have any input.

"Ngh I got it. It's okay for you to rest Killua! I won't hit a lamp post!" Gon smiles back at Killua who, leans back with Alluka who is still laying on him.

"I don't need to rest. You should know I can go days without it."

"I know but it doesn't mean you should." Gon counters. Killua is acting tough right now but Gon knows the truth. Micky's stunt in the beginning of the trip is still bothering him. It's still playing at his mind and Killua is probably worried to sleep while Micky is around Gon.

"I'm fine." Really, Killua is as stubborn as him.

"Where do I go now?" Gon turns to Micky who is smiling a lot, still pleased apparently from the adrenaline rush Gon had gave him from speeding.

"Keep going straight." Micky grins over at Gon who is staring at the road with his eyebrows furrowed in concentration, trying to get the right speed so he's not fling Alluka and Killua all over the place. He wants them to rest. "I do really like this dress on you, Gon." When Gon feels Micky's hand on his thigh, he glares over at Micky only to look back to the road when he starts to swerve. He's doing that thing again. Killua is going to get upset.

"Micky how do you dye your hair?" Gon decides to ask, trying to get the focus off of him. Micky pulls his hand away and stares at Gon. Killua was squirming in the back but once Micky is off of him, he can relax, if just a bit. "When I met you, you had blue in your hair but now it's all black."

"I just dyed it black but I do miss my blue." Micky pouts, touching the top of his head where he had the blue. "I had to get rid of it to play the part but I looked so good with it-" Micky starts to go on and on about his hair and all the different hair styles he's tried. Gon just listens, happy that Micky is speaking normally and not trying to touch him, not trying to upset Killua.

Killua seems annoyed in the back but that's it. Annoyed is okay but those blue eyes desperate and worried are not. Gon knows this is an annoying situation. He doesn't want Killua to be dishearten by it or upset. Gon doesn't want to be the reason for that, his weakness being the reason for it.

After all this is his fault for not being strong enough to get his nen back on his own and not being able to fight Micky.

There's a memory coming back to his mind. _Gon laying on his back, defenseless, not able to move, his long black hair in his face and mouth, only able to twitch his fingers and when Killua called out to him in horror, Gon could make no sound-_

"Don't look so sad, Gon." Gon snaps out of his thoughts, looking over at Micky who is grinning at him. Killua is watching him closely from the back, his eyebrows furrowed. "If you want to be as fashionable as me, I could dye your hair for you."

"I don't really want to dye my hair." Gon blinks, remembering what they were talking about before he spaced out.

"I think..." Micky starts to sit up in his excitement, looking at Gon closely.

"Hey, watch the road. You need to tell him when to turn." Killua gives Micky a look.

"We're going to go straight for awhile." Micky waves him off.

"You sure?" Both Gon and Killua say at the same time, raising their eyebrow. It's like a mirror image.

"Whoa...ya just did some 'That's so raven' shit on me." Micky blinks before he grins. "Yes I'm sure! We're going the right way. I was just confused for a minute. Have faith in me!"

"I believed in you in till you betrayed me, Micky." Gon huffs, glaring at Micky. The other male pouts.

"You wound me, right here." Micky touches his chest but his lips are wobbly like he's trying to hold back a smile. "When I look at you, I think to myself...You'd look good with some long green strips in your hair. What do you think Killua? Don't you think he'd look good?"

"He looks good how he is now." Killua glares darkly. "I don't want you changing anything else about him unless it's changing him back to the way he was."

"But change is good sometimes." Micky hums, looking forward, watching the road. "Change opens doors to new roads that you would never know were there. Change makes life exciting. That's why everyone always wants to change something, even when it's not bad. It's just something new. Sometimes you just have to accept change. Sometimes you can't control it." Micky looks back at Killua, this smile curling his lips. "I can change Gon's body so easily. There's nothing you can do to stop it. Remember that."

Killua's shoulders stiffen but he doesn't say anything. He looks out of the window, glaring with his eyes but his face is blank.

"I'm not really sure if I want green in my hair." Gon decides to break the tension in the air. "Change is good sometimes but it's not good all the time." Gon glances at Micky before watching the road. "But I did like the color in your hair. It looked cool."

"Right?" Micky beams, seeming pleased. "If you don't want green, I won't force it on you. Beauty is all about the insides. If you change yourself but you don't like it, regret starts to eat at you and you feel the loss of what you once had." Micky's eyes get glossy before he chuckles, that look gone. "Like when you have hella long hair and you decided you want to be cute and try to get a bob and then when your long locks are gone you're like 'whyyyyyy' It's so sad."

Gon blinks at the sudden change in Micky again. "I cut my hair when it was long easily." Gon flinches slightly remembering that. Those locks falling from off his shoulders, like long strings of darkness, as if he was shedding the evidence of his sin away but he still sees those dark locks in his dream. "When I cut it, it was a relief." Gon swallows, Killua now glancing at him from the corner of his eye.

"I know the feeling." Micky sighs. "Long hair is hot and it's heavy and it tangles. A lot of work. I like my short hair." Micky whips his hair, fluffing it out.

"Killua your hair has gotten kind of long." Gon smiles back at his friend, wanting to talk to him and bring him into a normal conversation. Killua is just watching him carefully and Gon can't tell what he's thinking.

Killua feels at his hair absentmindedly, before he shrugs his shoulders. "It got longer and I just haven't cut it."

"You look like a lion with a big puffy mane!" Gon can't help to beam, looking at Killua intently, taking in his fluffy white locks that have grown more out than down. In length his white locks reach the back of his neck. Gon chuckles when Killua's hair puffs up more in his embarrassment, his face becoming flushed, his body bristling like a cat.

"Don't say stuff like that idiot. I don't look like a lion." Killua grumbles, reaching over to hit Gon in the shoulder. Gon whines but he can't help to laugh afterward when Killua glares at him and it looks more like a pout with how red his cheeks are.

"It's a compliment! Killua is cute." Gon says without any hesitance, without any worry. He's always been straightforward with Killua. He's not one to hold back. Killua only gets more embarrassed by his words but those blue eyes have this light to them.

"Ughghghgh stop flirting in front of me!" Micky groans, stomping his foot on the ground like a child, pouting over at Gon. "Gon why don't you call me cute? I'm much cuter than mr. grump over there! I mean look at his face! You're complimenting him and he looks like someone shit in his cereal all the time."

"Fuck you Micky." Killua glares at Micky, that light leaving him and his blush dying down a bit. "The reason why Gon isn't calling you cute is because you're not. Nothing about you is cute. You use control to get Gon, you creep."

"That's the ugly side of you talking. The soo jealous side." Micky rolls his eyes before batting them at Gon. "Tell him I'm adorable! You know you like this Gon!"

"Micky is cute and I think your style is cool." Gon is honest as always. Gon doesn't' have to look at Killua fully to see the way his face drops in shock and some other bad feeling. "But I think Killua is way cuter and cooler." That gets Killua to perk right back up and he smiles, Gon caught it before he hid that soft smile with a smirk over at Micky.

"Ha!"

"Why you always be hurting me?" Micky looks offended. " Now my chest hurts-"

"No one gives a fuck."

"How is that cute Gon?!" Micky sighs, shaking his head. "When I see you two love birds flirting and being like this it makes me kind of angry." Micky's expression starts to change. "Because you're making him smile."

Gon feels something. A little clenching of his gut and he knows Micky is probably going to do something to him. He can see how Killua catches the change in Micky's voice and his shoulders get stiff. Alluka is silently sleeping on her brother's chest, unaware of anything at the moment.

"I could kill him so easily." Micky looks back at Killua, his eyes darken. "One snap of my finger and his internal organs would bust. It would be a nasty way to go." Micky reaches out and grabs Killua by the shirt, pulling him closer. Killua's expression doesn't change and he doesn't fight against Micky. "So I would be careful about smiling around me. I might just lose it." Micky touches Killua's lips before he lets him go. Killua makes no expression but his eyebrows furrow.

"Micky-" Gon starts only to stop when Micky suddenly leans forward, blood pours down his nose in a steady stream. Gon's eyes widen at the nose bleed and how Micky shivers. " You okay?"

"Yes. Nose bleeds can't be helped." Micky takes a deep breath. "Killua come over here." Killua pauses but he leans closer. Micky wipes his nose off on Killua's shirt, dirtying it. Killua's nose wrinkles and his eyebrow twitches but he doesn't say anything. Micky squeezes his nose and leans his head back. "The longer you're like this, the more I'll have nose bleeds."

"So this is affecting your body too?" Gon presses, wanting to understand what he's dealing with.

"Oh yeah. It's a major stress managing your new body. It' scary really. As you know if I die, you'll die but if I get hurt too much or I don't get enough rest, I could lost control of my nen inside you and you'll die as well. It's dangerous, this change we've made Gon."

"Are you serious right now?" Killua's eyes flash with panic at this news, leaning up to see how Micky keeps padding his nose.

"Yes so you better take care of me well Killua. Getting me those Oreo's and Doritos doesn't seem so stupid now does it? The happier I am, the more I eat and rest, the better it is for not only me but Gon too. Our lives are connected now."

"..." Killua is quiet.

"But if I die, you don't die?" Gon's eyebrows furrow. It sounds like this process is harmful to Micky as well if he's bleeding from the nose. It must be causing damage to his own body, having Gon like this.

"No." Micky shakes his head. "I'll be fine." Micky's eyes get glossed over. "This time is different though. This time, if you go out Gon, I'm going with you."

"You're going to die with me?" Gon questions but Micky only groans, holding his head.

"I'm so hungry..."

"We've been driving for hours. There is a gas station coming up. Lets stop and get everyone something to eat and take a bathroom break." Killua steps in, watching Micky warily now whenever he groans before looking at Gon to make sure he's alright. Gon looks a little pale and this gets Killua to stiffen. "Let's stop."

"Yeah. I agree. I need to get out of this car." Micky groans.

"I really need to go to the bathroom." Gon nods his head. "I feel like I'm about to bust!" Gon sighs in relief when Micky agrees to finally stop and he happily pulls into this old run down looking gas station that has a couple of men smoking cigarets out in the front. Gon pulls into the parking spot crooked, hitting the edge of the side walk but he doesn't care. Gon gets out of the car and runs into the store. "Bathroom!" Gon pants, wincing and limping from his legs being asleep.

The cashier, a old woman chewing on gum, points to the back. Gon runs, almost tripping over himself to make it on time. He runs into the bathroom and closes the door behind him, pulling down his panties and letting go when he sits on the toilet. Gon sighs in relief, closing his eyes in bliss. Once he's finished he wipes the way Micky taught him before washing his hands and leaving, feeling so much better.

Alluka is right there, the side of her face red from laying on Killua, her hair a bit messy and her eyes half lidded from just being woken up. She runs into the bathroom and closes the door quickly. Poor thing probably had to go as bad as him.

"Micky is smoking outside." Killua is waiting by the doorway, his arms crossed, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance. "He wants me to get him a slushy." Killua thinks for a moment. "You think it's true? That if he gets too tired it could kill you? Or is this just another scare tactic?"

"I don't think Micky is lying." Gon rubs his chin. "That nose bleed was real."

"Yeah." Killua frowns.

"Don't worry Killua. It'll be alright." Gon warps his arms around Killua, wanting to hug him, wanting to feel his warmth. "Are you okay?" Gon pulls away to look into Killua's eyes, the ex-assassin has his arms around his waist, and he pulled him closer without Gon having to ask.

"Of course i'm fine idiot. I'm not the one who's all messed up because of that guy." Killua grunts.

"That's not what I mean. You looked really upset when he was trying to kiss me." Killua tenses, his shoulders stiffening. "You're still upset."

"...I don't like when he does that shit...But you've kissed him before." Killua rubs the back of his head. "I guess It does piss me off a bit he's kissed you before me but...I don't want him doing it anymore." Killua tightens his grip on Gon, burrying his head in the crook of his neck.

"You know even if Micky kisses me, I don't want to kiss him. I want to kiss Killua. Killua is my boyfriend." Gon kisses Killua's cheek, feeling how warm it is. Wanting to test the word 'boyfriend' out on his lips. "But I understand. I wouldn't like someone kissing you."

Killua tightens his grip on him but when his sister comes out, he pulls away from Gon. His cheeks are flushed and he's looking deep into his eyes. "I'll...try my best to restrain myself when Micky is taunting me. I know he's trying to get under my skin. Just...just be you Gon. You always know how to make me better with that stupid smile of yours-"

"Hey." Gon pouts. Killua smirks but his eyes are soft.

"I need to go to the bathroom before I piss myself." Killua pushes Gon to the side before he walks into the bathroom with his hands in his pockets.

"Thank you Gon." Gon blinks over at Alluka who is staring at him with those blue eyes that are starting to refocus.

"For what?" Gon tilts his head.

"You just made brother feel better." Alluka smiles.

Gon smiles, opening his mouth to speak-

"Heyyyyy! Where is my slushy!" Micky shouts into the gas station getting everyone to tense. Gon blinks when his body moves on it's own an he walks over to the slushy machine and starts to make a strawberry one. Gon's eyebrows furrow and he tries to fight against the movements but it causes a sharp pain to shoot up him. Since there's nothing really wrong with making slushies he's fine with it...That is in till Micky gets him to walk out of the store without paying.

"Micky I have to pay-" Gon frowns.

"Yo Killua! We're leaving your ass so catch up! Gon is a criminal now! We have to go on the run!" Micky screams before he pulls Gon into the car, Alluka running after them and getting in the car quickly. This time it's Micky driving and he floors it when the old woman comes out, shouting.

"Micky why did you do that? I had money to pay! And don't just control my body like that, it feels weird." Gon frowns, looking back at the woman. He feels guilty. He just stole from her. Gon start to fiddle with his fingers, his ears heating up in shame.

"Gon is a little thief now. You can't ever show your face in that gas station ever again." Micky chuckles when Gon frowns deeply, his fiddling becoming worse.

"What the fuck?" Gon blinks when A flash of light is towards his left before Killua opens the door to the moving car and gets in, closing it behind him. Killua's eye brow is twitching. "What is-"

"Gon stole the slushy! We had to get out of there. I don't know what is up with Gon lately. You've become such a bad boy."

"But...But!" Gon pouts, pointing at Micky. "I wasn't going to but you controlled my body and made me steal it!"

"Excuses."

"What the fuck you mean excuses? You're the one who did it. Not Gon." Killua narrows his eyes when he sees the guilty expression on Gon's face. "Don't worry about it Gon. It's just a 5 dollar slushy."

"I can never go back there." Gon rubs his arm. Killua blinks.

"Why would you want to go back there anyway? It's a dump."

"And it was Micky's fault." Alluka adds.

"Why is everyone blaming me?" Micky pouts.

"Because you're the one who did it!" Alluka and Killua shout at the same time.

"I don't think we need to point fingers. What happened happened. Now we have a slushy and everything is okay with the world." Micky sips on the slushy, moaning. "So good."

Gon's eyebrows furrow. He still doesn't' like the whole thing with the slushy but what bothers him more is how easily it was for Micky to control his body. Gon really is a puppet and his strings are ready to be pulled. Gon can fight Micky but it causes so much pain that Gon wonders if he's going to pop. IT makes him feel helpless. _Weak._ Gon grinds his teeth and grips his fists, looking out of the widow, glaring at the trees they pass, his amber orbs getting darker.

Micky blasts 'barbie girl' for the rest of the car ride, by the end of it, everyone is groaning and complaining. Gon only gets more aggregated. This is all his fault. This is his problem. Killua shouldn't be involved. He should haven't to deal with all this. He shouldn't have to be Micky's puppet because Gon is.

Gon is weak and this is why he's in this situation. A lot has changed these pass four years but that hasn't changed. Gon is still weak.

Those black long locks still haunt him.

* * *

"We'll stay here for the night." Micky suddenly pulls into what looks to be a abandoned barn. There's vines growing on the side and the wood is rotting.

"There's a city up ahead. If we keep going a couple of miles we can have a normal place to sleep in-" Killua starts, looking at his sister before glancing over at Gon who hasn't said anything for awhile.

"We're going to stay here. Barns are great places to sleep. They have hay-"

"And they smell like shit." Killua protests.

"Exactly! They smell like home." Micky has this dopy smile on his face as he puts the car into park. He gets out of the car without much thought and walks to the barn, opening up the rusty doors before he walks in, humming a tune. Gon gets out after him, feeling drained after thinking about everything and coming to a conclusion.

"...Gon." Killua must notice the change in him. He always does. Killua walks over to him once he gets out of the car, his blue eyes watching him carefully. " You look pale. You should go straight to bed. He' hasn't been giving us the proper resting breaks and the only food we've had is that stop at McDonald's." Killua glances at his sister before looking at Gon. "If you want some more food I can run to the city and order you something."

"Killua you should go to the city." Gon sees his opportunity, his eyes lighting up as he grabs Killua by the shoulder. "Take Alluka too. Get us some food." Gon closes his eyes in his smile, cutting off Mickys' vision and mouths the words. "And don't come back."

When he opens his eyes, Killua looks like he just bit into a lemon. His face is scrunched and he's glaring at Gon.

"I'm not going to do that. I'll bring you a burger and I'm coming straight back." Killua's expression is firm, those blue eyes boring into his own.

"Killua." Gon gives him a pleading look. "This has gone on long enough. You don't have to stay here for my sake. This is my fault so-" Killua slaps him. Gon's eyes widen, the sting nothing like the shock. He looks back at Killua slowly, Killua's expression dark and he's breathing heavily.

"I don't care who's fault it is. You're in trouble. You need me. Stop trying to push me away and doing things on your own! I don't care what situation you pull me into because it's you and I can stand with you! Don't tell me to leave. Just...don't push me away. I'm fine with whatever shit happens because of you as long as I'm there to stand with you in the end of it."

Gon's wide eyes slowly go back to normal and he touches where Killua slapped him, rubbing the reddening skin. His stomach is clenching and his eyebrows furrow. He's making the same mistake he did that day isn't he? Pushing Killua away. That's why he's so upset. But Gon doesn't like doing this to Killua. He doesn't like making him worry and having him a puppet. Just like Gon didn't want Killua to die with him back with the ants. It was okay for Gon to die. He was ready to give up his life to fight the ant that took Kite from him. But he wasn't ready to lose Killua. He was selfish. He knows he was, to deny that, to push Killua away, and say all those things. But Gon had lost it and he couldn't lose anymore. It's ironic really. That attitude of his is the reason Killua has been away for so long. He's sure of it. And now Gon is back to his ways. Being selfish.

"...It's not that I don't want you standing next to me. I need you to stand next to me. I'm at my best with you Killua but I don't want-" Gon swallows, his emotions becoming too much for him.

"I don't care what you want." Killua glares away from Gon. "I'm...I'm staying with you. If you need me, I'm going to fight with you. I'm not going to let you get too far away from me in this. You're not doing it alone." Killua turns his back to him. "I'm going to get you a burger. I'll be back." And then he's gone in a flash of light.

Gon watches him go, his heart beating a bit faster from his words. When Killua spoke like that, it sounded like he wasn't going to leave him again. Even after this. Things have changed. Killua isn't easy to brush off like he was back with the ants. He's not passive and silent like he was that day, hiding his hurt and just listening to Gon. No. Killua isn't passive anymore. Killua is going to stay by his side even if Gon tells him to leave.

For some reason...that makes Gon smile. Killua has gotten better at expressing himself. Gon still may be selfish, but he's glad to know that Killua will put him in his place if need be.

"Big brother is confusing." Alluka sighs, getting Gon to look at her. "brother has been avoiding you for some time but now that he has you, I don't think he's going to let go. Maybe this is what he was afraid of."

"Huh?" Gon raises his eyebrow, not getting it.

Alluka smiles slightly. "Maybe he was afraid he couldn't let go. Maybe he was afraid he couldn't say good bye again if you wanted to go your separate ways after you guys met up. I think I understand why now." Alluka smiles over at Gon who stares at her, listening to what she says closely. Gon couldn't have just said goodbye again if they had met up on normal circumstances. He defiantly can't now. "I always knew you were close to my big brother and I noticed that he would always smile when you sent him messages and if he was in a bad mood, it usually had to do with you. I didn't get why he wouldn't message you back but I think he was just being stubborn." Alluka smiles. "Don't think this is a burden for us. We just want to make sure you're safe! And I'm happy, despite Micky being mean some times and unpredictable because my big brother is happy. He gets worried about you but he's happy to be around you."

"..." Gon won't push them away. The sting in his cheek is a reminder of how Killua feels. "Killua told me he was trying to fix something and that's why he didn't message me." Gon rubs his arm, glancing at Alluka wondering if she knows what that means. Alluka's eyes light up after awhile and she sighs.

"Big brother can be a big dumby sometimes. He had something to worry about. You like my big brother right?" Alluka pulls on Gon's arm, smiling up at him.

"Yeah. I like him a lot."

"Like a lover?"

"...Yeah." Gon flushes, averting his gaze and nodding. It's still new to him but he doesn't dislike it. Killua is his lover. How intimate that is. How close. Gon likes the closeness.

"Take good care of my big brother." Alluka smiles at Gon. Gon stares at her for a moment his chest tightening before he smiles back at her.

"Always." Gon will always protect Killua. That's why he wanted him to leave, to protect him from Micky but Killua isn't having any of that. So Gon will take care of him as much as he can like this. He'll give his all. He'll be the best friend he can be and learn how to be the best lover for Killua.

"Gon, Alluka. Come in here." Micky calls for them. Alluka frowns but Gon grabs her hand and leads her into the barn, his amber eyes keen and his muscles tensed, ready to protect Alluka with all he has.

Micky is laying in a big thing of hay in the middle of the barn. Gon is surprised when he sees some horses in the stalls.

"This barn is still used?" Gon looks down at Micky who has taken off his shirt and is now moving around on the hay, rolling like a child.

"I guess so." Micky stops rolling, grinning at Gon. "You'll be sleeping up there. Alluka there's a nice pile of hay for you there." Micky points to a large pile of hay. "I don't know if there's hay up there Gon but you'll have to make due."

"That's' fine. Alluka should get the softer laying area." Gon smiles over at Alluka though he doesn't like that she's down here with Micky.

"Gon. I'm not going to do anything to her." Gon looks over at Micky, he's looking him right in the eye, those deep look in those blue orbs that Gon stills. Gon stares at him a moment longer before nodding his head. He believes him. Micky won't hurt Alluka. Gon has been noticing it but Micky treats Alluka a bit more nicely than Killua or Gon.

Gon walks up the old latter up on the second story, looking around. There's nothing up here but a small platform with some hay. It's not going to be comfortable but Gon can sleep here. He sits down, yawning, rubbing his arms. It's kind of chilly up here though and this dress doesn't cover much. He pulls his legs towards his chest, rubbing his thighs, trying to get rid of the goosebumps that have showed up.

There's a flash of light down in the barn and then Gon hears Alluka's voice. "thanks big brother!" Gon's heart beat starts to quicken when Killua asks about where he is and he's sure Alluka pointed up before soon he hears the latter creaking from the ex-assassin's weight. Then his head peaks up, those blue eyes locking on him immediately.

"I got you a burger with fries." Killua gets up on the platform and walks till he's right in front of Gon, sitting down with his legs crossed. He hands Gon the good smelling bag that feels warm to the touch.

"Thank you Killua. After I smelt this I realized how hungry I am!" Gon gets excited, digging into the bag and pulling out the burger. He stops when he looks and sees Killua watching him, leaning back on his arms. "You didn't get anything for yourself?"

"Not really hungry."

"Really?" Gon takes a bite out of his burger, considering this before he holds out his burger towards Killua's mouth.

"Huh?" Killua moves away from the grease filled meat, giving Gon a questioning look.

"Go ahead, take a bite. We're going to share it."

"I told you I'm not hungry. I got that for you-"

"I want to share it with Killua." Gon smiles, waiting patiently. He knows Killua has to be hungry. He hasn't had much today. His nerves are probably bad. Killua stares at the burger before looking at Gon's expecting face. Killua grumbles something before he closes his eyes, giving in to Gon's amber eyes burning with that fire. He leans in and takes a bite out of it, his cheeks flushing.

Gon beams and takes another bite before holding it out to Killua. It goes back and forth like this, Gon taking a bite, before Killua takes one. The ex-assassin's face has a nice flush to it the whole time. When they're finished, Killua has some ketchup left on the side of his face. Gon smiles, leaning in and licking it off, getting Killua to get bright red, those eyes lighting up.

"I know i'm selfish Killua, I didn't mean to upset you earlier. I want you to stay with me. I know this situation sucks but i'm going to take care of you Killua!" Gon grabs Killua's hands, the ex-assassin's eyes widen and he's staring at him with such a strange look before hes wallows.

"I don't need to be taken care of idiot. And anyway, that's my line." Killua grumbles, interlacing their fingers. "You can try to be selfish all you want, doesn't mean i'm going to always give into you." Killua glances at Gon before glancing away. "But you know, saying those things..." Killua's face gets flushed. Gon smiles, enjoying the feeling of Killua's delicate, skilled hands interlaced with him, liking how close they are and the blush on Killua's face. It' makes his heart beat faster and all he can think of is...wow...Killua is-

"Beautiful." Gon blurts out getting Killua to look at him with his eyebrow raised.

"Huh?"

"Killua is really beautiful. Just looking at you is making my heart pound like crazy!" Gon chuckles, his nose wrinkling up in it. "Am I weird?"

"If you're weird for that...then i'm weird too." Killua licks his lips, his eyes becoming half lidded. Gon's chuckle dies when he sees such a deep look, those blue eyes getting darker and Killua's hands have tighten in his. The flush on Killua's cheek has settled and he just looks...hungry. But not only that, he's staring at Gon like he's just seen something amazing. There's not just hungry, there's passion- "Gon." Killua's voice is lower, rumbling in his throat. Gon swallows thickly, heat pooling in his stomach as Killua leans closer. "Can I kiss you?" Killua asks shyly, despite the look on his face and how he's staring at Gon like he's a piece of chocolate. There's this nervousness to him, this edge, and Gon just realizes how tense he is, waiting for his answer, staring at him. It's like a dog, waiting for his master to give the sign so he can get the treat that's resting above his nose.

Gon's heart skips a beat. That look is doing things to him, and the nervous undertone is making him feel all fuzzy inside. He feels like squeezing Killua to death right now. "Yeah! You can kiss me. You don't have to ask. You're my boyfriend after all-" Gon starts but Killua is on him quickly, his eyes widening like something snapped in him.

But he grabs Gon's face oh so carefully and he gets closer, pressing his lips against Gon's calmly. Gon hums at the contact, moving as close as he can to Killua, grabbing a hold of his shirt. Killua's kiss starts off slow, he sucks at Gon's lower lip and bites it a bit, getting Gon to groan. Killua shivers and soon his arms are wrapping around his waist and his kiss gets deeper, a bit faster. Gon keeps up with him, loving how soft Killua feels and when Killua licks his lip tentatively, Gon opens with no resistance.

Killua moans softly when Gon puts up a fight with his tongue, caressing and rubbing against Killua's, not letting the other male dominate him. The kiss keeps getting faster, more heated, their mouths are wide open and Gon is touching everywhere in Killua's mouth with his tongue. It's so sloppy and wet, heat is rushing up to Gon's head and down below, making his underwear feel wet again. Silva runs down Gon's chin as Killua starts to climb up him, his hand resting on his upper thigh while his other hand cups his cheek, deepening the kiss.

They have to take a break to get air, both boys panting close to each other. Killua is so close. His scent is overwhelming. Killua's blush has spread to his ears, his eyes half lidded in want. Gon knows his own face is flushed and his heart is beating so fast and he just wants to get closer. He wants to kiss more.

"G-Gon can I touch you?" Killua asks, his voice wavering. His voice is so low and Gon knows he's showing restraint.

"mm Killua can touch me."

"You'll tell me if you don't like it?" Killua locks eyes with him and Gon nods, smiling.

"I trust you. I want you to touch me. I feel all hot now. Hey Killua is your heart beating like mine? Do you feel warm also?" Gon touches Killua's chest, his eyes widening from all the heat he feels and how fast his heart is beating against his hand, he can even feel it. "Wow Killua is burning up! And you've got a boner-" Gon's eyes get excited when he notices the bulge in Killua's pants. He feels proud and his panties feel really wet now. He gave Killua a hard on. He must really like this just like Gon is liking this. Gon can't help to wonder how Killua has grown down there, if it looked anything like his.

"I-It's your fault!" Killua's face looks like a tomato and he covers Gon's eyes when he keeps staring at him. "D-Don't stare at it! You'll make it worse!" Killua is so flustered. It's the cutest thing ever. To see this ex-assassin get so worked up over this. Gon likes it.

"But I like it." Gon reaches out grabs the bulge in Killua's pants, experimenting, squeezing it gently. The reaction is immediate. Killua groans, looking at Gon with wide, in shock eyes but his blush has spread to his neck and his eyes have gotten darker. "Wow you feel big Killua-"

Killua grabs his hand and pulls it away from his bulge, pinning his arms next to his head, moving so he's hovering over him.

"When you do things like this..." Killua breaths out, his nose almost touching Gon's, those amber eyes boring into him. "Touching me like that..." Killua leans in so his face is buried in Gon's neck. He shivers from feeling Killua's harsh breathing against his sensitive skin. "You really are testing my self control aren't you?" He mumbles more to himself but Gon heard it. Gon wraps his arms around Killua's back, rubbing it soothingly, hearing Killua's breath hitch and where he touches, the muscles slowly relax.

"You don't have to have self control. I told you. I pinky promise. If I don't like something i'll tell you. You don't have to be so tense."

Something relaxes in Killua, the ex-assassin letting out a breath he was holding before he latches on To Gon's neck. Gon chuckles, his face getting hot as Killua places tiny kisses all over his neck because it's tickling him but when Killua's kissing becomes more of sucking and his teeth are used, Gon's laughter turns into moans.

Killua stops kissing for a moment. Gon is about to ask if he's made a weird sound when Killua pulsl up to kiss him deeply, wrapping his arms around his waist. Gon closes his eyes, loving how Killua's tongue rubs his tongue with his, how hot he feels, how passnate the kiss is. Gon's hand goes under Killua's shirt, wanting to feel his bare chest and the warmth there. Killua's muscles contract from the touch but a sound rumbles in the back of his thought that reminds Gon of a cat's purr. More... Gon reaches up, taking note on how Killua shivers when he brushes against an erect nipple, Killua biting his lip and groaning.

Before he knows it Killua's hand has gone back to feeling his thigh, squeezing the flesh there. The space between them has become so hot that Gon wants to take off this troublesome dress-

"Gon..." Killua pulls back, looking into his eyes. Gon starts when he sees how glossy those blue orbs are, how they darken in lust but there's something else there. Something that Killua can't hide and it makes Gon's heart skip a beat from seeing Killua like this. In this moment, Killua is exposed, even for a split second. "...I-"

"Killua get down here." Micky calls, cutting him off. "What are you doing up there? Trying to fuck-"

"I'm coming-"

"Ohh are you?" Micky purrs.

"Fuck off!" Killua's ears get red and he grinds his teeth. "I'm about to come down." Killua sighs that look he had is gone. Gon can't help to frown, wanting to see it again. He reaches out and touche Killua's cheek, getting his eyes to widen slightly and he looks at him. They stare at each other for a moment. "...I got to go done there." Killua says reluctantly.

"Yeah I know." Gon nods his head but he doesn't let go of Killua's hand that he had grasps. "Killua, that look just now..." Gon isn't sure how to say this. He's not sure if he's right anyway.

"O-Oh." Killua averts his gaze, those eyes getting a strange look again before he close his eyes and shakes it off. "What look?" Killua looks away quickly, not giving him a chance answer. "I better get done there before he has a fit. You should rest Gon. We have a long day ahead of us-" Killua hugs Gon quickly before he rushes down by jumping off the platform, landing down below before Gon can say anything.

Gon sits back down, his eyebrows furrowing, Gon not able to get that look out of his mind. The facial expression was just something strange. Gon has never seen it before. It wasn't a bad expression, the opposite of that. Gon lays down, curling into a ball, biting his lip. He wants Killua to still be up here. He wants to know what that look meant. That longing there, that happiness, and want...

To Gon, it looked like Killua was looking at someone he treasures. A look you may have seen in the movies when the man looks into the eyes of the woman he loves but this look was so much more real. Is Killua in love with him? Of course Gon loves Killua but they've just moved into this step to become boyfriends. Gon hasn't even considered this a possibility till recently but that look in Killua's eyes...

It takes Gon a good amount of the night trying to calm his facing heart, and this giddiness he feels in his stomach.

Gon doesn't know if he's in love with Killua but Gon knows that look made him really happy. It's a strange feeling, he feels like doing push ups or singing...

He almost feels like crying.

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 **Here you go! Thank you for the reviews and the support. It means a lot.**


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